Day 44: The Evil Veil of Me

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever pursuit the positive in life and believing that that was ‘the path’ that I had to walk as it would make me be a ‘better human being’ while neglecting the fact that such positive energy was in fact the result of the actual evil as the bastardization of life to energy wherein I made sure that ‘who I am’ as a point of separation from the whole always stands on the ‘positive side’ which I allowed myself to deliberately ‘stick to,’ regardless of the actual inner-experience that would come up when being possessed with anger and obsessive thoughts as a child, which then developed into generating a double experience within myself wherein within the outside I would present an affable and charismatic persona, but in the inside I judged my very own participation as I knew that it was only fake and ‘to get by’ within the standards of society that I always accepted as ‘how things are’ without daring to really question it as to How it is that we were all just playing games of pretending to care about each other.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exert that inner inexplicable irritation toward myself as a child as a gnawing experience that I would then try and exert out as annoyance, annoying others and seeking attention because I did not know why I was experiencing such inextricable physical discomfort wherein I just wanted to peel myself off of my physical body.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop obsessions from a very young age wherein I would feed my obsessions with constantly thinking about something until I would get it, and I would then experience the temporary relief of finally ‘achieving’ something that I wanted, only to find something else to obsess about in no time, which is how I became used to being holding on to a future-experience of self-gratification which is how we are currently living as beings that only care about the immediate instant-gratification wherein there is no actual regard for that which we are consuming in the name of such gratification.

I forgive myself that I always accepted and allowed myself to believe that through sticking to the positive self-experience I was being a ‘good being in existence’ without ever, ever imagining that this is the actual evil of this world as all the spiritual beliefs and ideas of positive, light and benevolence stem from the very acceptance of that inherent separation of who we are as one and equal, thus becoming a worshiper of the very evil that has leads us to exist in the current state we’re living in as humanity, which is now, more clear than ever, that is taking a toll on all of us that believed that we were ‘on the good path’ of walking with and as the ‘good guys’ while neglecting that in reality, it was the other way around.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to ‘fear the evil’ and react to such word without ever having known that everything we have been and manifested as the consequence of our primordial separation has been evil, pure evil in nature, which then explains how I would constantly hold the thought-pattern about ‘Humanity being evil’ and creating this constant ‘hardening’ experience when being ‘exposed’/ being interacting with human beings as I believed everyone was ‘on to get me’ and ‘against me,’ which explains how retreat, isolation and the desire to simply interact the least possible stemmed from this that I deemed as ‘irrational fear’ – yet it was real as the actual nature that exists as all of us, not only myself and that I can only see and understand it for what it means to ensure that I walk the process to stop any form of continuation to degrade and defy life in the name of any form of energy – whether positive or negative – it is my responsibility to stop all patterns of energy within myself, as I realize that this is the only way that I can give myself back to myself the points that I had initially separated myself from.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever only seek to be a positive-supporter a ‘cheerleader’ when it came to positivity and positive experiences, without realizing that within this I had made of reality nothing else but a chemical reaction that would only make me Feel Good about myself and my thoughts and place myself into this angelic pedestal, while neglecting the fact that the foundation to such experience was stemming from the actual evil that we became the very moment that we accepted and allowed ourselves to be the cause and effect of energy as the result of the desire to ‘experience’ and ‘be more’ than ourselves as equality and oneness, which means that I abdicated the wholeness of myself and vulgarized it to me being and becoming only a single experience that would only continue to keep satisfying itself through generating the same positive experience within the participation with others in reality, using them/ using life as a way to transform it into the necessary crutch for my self elation.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to try and ‘fix the world’ in separation of myself and believing myself to be a ‘good natured being’ when in fact, I was only trying to save my own ass when it comes to realizing that any desire to do good was actually stemming from the fear that I had realized was absolutely undeniable within me, which is how I feared everything that had to do with ‘dark’/ ‘darkness’ and ‘evil’ because I had feared myself as my own ‘evil’ experience/ thoughts/ imagination that I had not been able to communicate with others, because of fearing being judged for having such experiences within me, which reveals to what extent we as human beings experience these type of inner confusion and not knowing how to ‘deal’ with it, because we were always taught to simply ride the wave of experience until it ‘fades out’ – yet not really understanding why and how I would suddenly have ‘evil thoughts’ as a child toward people in my reality, with no apparent reason, which is what manifested that self-annoyance and irritation that I tried to cover up with a positive attitude and being just cheerful, because I knew that that would keep me ‘safe’ from the evil that I actually feared as myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever pursue a ‘light working career’ wherein I would dream of being able to ‘help people’ and make this world a ‘better place’ by implementing solutions that had to do with giving hope, having faith and believing that ‘after all, it all must come down to a positive end’ – which is in fact the problem that hope instills and creates in this reality as a the laxity wherein the real nature that must be worked with through writing, applying self forgiveness and  the Self Corrective Application had been simply pushed down and covered up with all things positivity, which is like trying to build a solid foundation upon a swamp.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever seek relationships as a way to make myself feel better about myself, without realizing that it is through the nature of relationships that our ‘real nature’ was shaped and formed, which implies that creating relationships was an automated way to continue the perpetual desire to ‘be more’ than myself because relationships in themselves already imply separation and energetic experiences created from that moment of separation toward that which we are attempting-to and trying to reunite with. Which means that I had only reinforced separation through trying to connect/ establish relationships due to such separation only existing as an energetic experience that doesn’t consider the actual physicality as the fabric of existence as substance/ as life of which everything and everyone is made of.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem that everything that was ‘evil’ in this world had nothing to do with me, which was me neglecting my very own thoughts as the constant seeking for power, control, recognition, glory, instant-gratification as a constant ‘win-win’ desire within me, which is the actual core and initiation of all evil in this world wherein ‘who I am as money/ power’ is all that really drives us to want to ‘be something/ someone’ in life, which is Not living but instead agreeing to play the game and ride the ‘waves of success’ that we all comply to live in within this system that only cares to perpetuate such constant fueling of experiences, instead of regarding and supporting life in equality, which is now our duty to establish as a living principle on Earth.

I commit myself to debunk any inkling and remain of positivity within me as I walk myself out of the mind and into the physical, remaining as the awareness of who I have become as a result of having lived in fear of ‘the evil’ in me for such an extensive period of time, wherein morality took the place of any form of common sense and in that, becoming a biased being that only cared about listening, doing, being, supporting all things positivity for a while, while having been on the exact opposite, which lead me to a final great confusion within my life that actually lead me to Desteni and that I see and realize is the only way to stop ALL Confusions that we may have in this world when wanting to deliberately stick to the positive out of the actual fear of ourselves, fear toward fellow human beings, because we see and realize that our actual current natures is that of evil that is also a veil that we have created upon ourselves the moment that we accepted and allowed ourselves to live as energy only, as an energetic presence instead of a physical beingness that requires no definition to exist.

I commit myself to expose how within our current society and the ‘need’ for us to ‘define who/ what we are’ is in fact reinforcing the evil nature that seeks to have its place of consumption, satisfaction and opposition wherein we become just these lighting bolts that seek to be excited at all times in order to move while constantly wanting to get away from the negative experience and remain in a state of perfect bliss, which can only exist if energy exists – and energy is the very abuse of the physical substance as life that we have used and consumed in the name of our personal ‘power’ and satisfaction.

I commit myself to stop the need to be constantly defining myself as an experience and instead, embrace silence as I walk here as breath wherein every pattern of self-deprecation as an energetic experience – whether positive or negative – is understood, seen and realized as a self-abusive pattern as I now see, realize and understand how all the experiences that had no ‘explanation’ before are now becoming clear as a result of us having become the manifested consequence of our abdication toward life/ as life, which perpetuated the ‘who I am’ as that experience of separation which is then what leads to a constant seeking of experience in order to ‘feel alive’ or ‘be someone’ which is only seeking to define ‘who we are’ as that very relationship of separation which must stop here, as I realize that I am perfectly able to exist without using the mind as a constant energetic input onto the physical reality that I am able to move in, walk, breath, eat and experience as an actual moment to moment – instead of future projecting, or remembering or seeking to ‘feel something’ in order to ‘feel alive.’

I commit myself to show, how – we have become servants to the Devil/Energy-Authority for ourselves to only WITHIN ourselves manifest our Authority/Godhood unto ourselves, where our existence had become completely internalized and automated within ourselves as Mind/Consciousness – only existing to survive and possess ourselves as Energy; with no substantial living action visible to bring about a change of ourselves within and without.

In this - I commit myself, to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, speaking and sharing – walk the Visible Action of The Decision to no more accept and allow myself to Serve the Devil/Energy-Authority within and as the Cause/Acceptance of accepting separation, and Effect/Allowance of allowing the relationship between the negative, neutral and positive energies of Mind; but align myself into and as equality and oneness with and as the human physical-body, to stand with and as Life-Authority of and as equality and oneness as what is/will be best for All, as my process of taking directive-principle as responsibility for who, how and what I am in every moment of Breath, and so no more exist in and as the automation of Consciousness that has become the authority over and of me, the physical-body and this physical-existence, but in fact walk in and as Awareness, here in every moment of Breath.” Sunette Spies*

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I commit myself to continue exposing our ‘real nature’ as evil in order to finally take off the veil of energy that we have abdicated our self-directive power to, and become a being that is willing to walk the necessary time and space to reintegrate myself as the physicality of oneness and equality as Life, as that which I separated myself from in the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of ‘me as an experience’ as energy, of which now I see, realize and understand has been the very key point of ultimate enslavement that must be stopped with the implementation of the Equal Money System wherein real Neighborism is able to emerge as a new human nature, once that we have all realized that we can only thrive in equality as a group, as collective that is able to decide what’s best for all to live by and simply apply it/ be it/ become it.

 

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Day 43: Careless

‘I couldn’t care less’ and ‘I don’t care’ – who am I within this as a thought pattern that makes me care-less? This is been an ongoing pattern for over a year, actually almost two years now wherein due to not being having and having slowed myself down within participating in the usual pressures to ‘do excel’ in school and existing in such survival mode in terms of consequences in numerical values if work was not delivered or not done at all, I went into the opposite and became rather careless in a way wherein I would not really ‘fear’ the consequences any longer which would still manifest quite an accumulation of tasks. such as the ones I have at the moment.

The word carelessness represents this specific relationship that I had lived as before in relation to all points of responsibility, wherein I would mostly do things out of self-created pressure – ultimately fear of not making it/ survival mode – and once I started becoming more and more ‘lax’ in school and everything as the nature of my studies became more lax themselves, I created this carelessness point wherein I stopped pushing myself to direct myself as effectively as I used to do before when my motivation was fear, which proves the point that we read today on how we have all become addicted to fear as a movement instigator, which is how we have turned it into a positive thing when saying that Money moves us – but in fact it is the fear of Not having money the one that moves us – yet, as always, we rather look at the ‘positive side’ and not seeing the actual reality for what it is.

It is fascinating how I simply cannot lie to myself when developing a self-honest communication wherein the word is pointing me out exactly what I have been trying to suppress and apparently saw as ‘not important’ to write about, yet it is consuming my being and keeping me in the conscious mind as points accumulate and then there’s this laxity and ‘carelessness’ wherein I have gone to an extreme opposite of how I used to live in the past, wherein I would be in constant strain and anxiety to ‘get things done.’ Now I’m in the middle unacceptable road as whenever I place myself to do something within a self-directive manner, I get it done until it is done – yet whenever I allow myself to walk the middle-road = I don’t do things, I leave them hanging by the half and go into this ‘carelessness’ mode wherein I simply cover up the remaining ‘task to be done’ as some form of idleness in laxity, meaning, it is still there but masked/ shifted in a way wherein the thought of anxiety is transmuted as an ‘everything’s gonna be alright’ – no wonder I’ve held such backchat toward Bob Marley and that three little birds song that I had to learn when I was in primary school, it sounded so ridiculously optimistic to me that I developed this aversion toward the single sentence ‘Don't worry about a thing, ‘cause every little thing’s gonna be alright’ or something around there – not realizing that this has become an actual mantra in my head whenever I allow things to just go by and in my journey to step down from this hyper-apprehensive person I created within myself this point of extreme ‘confidence’ that is merely intention and knowledge based, without any actual substance/ work  to be so sure about it.

So,   I masked this carelessness point to think that ‘is alright,’ when I am in fact accumulating work without getting it done, wherein I justify the fact that I have been able to always ‘pull everything out alright’ in the past and becoming too apprehensive, stressed, nervous and in a constant state of fear to do so, thus using the past a a way to move myself here, which is in no way acceptable, I cannot direct myself according to ‘who I was in the past’ as a way to reference myself here.  I see that’s been the most ‘clash’ wherein because I had tried to let go of this apprehensive personality, I went into another personality as laxity, just wanting to test out what it was to just not do the homework and see what would happen – fucked up self-sabotage, as it’s not about now stopping being responsible due to the extensive self-definition I had lived as an energetic personality, but to become self-directive which I have proven to myself I am able to be and become when decisions are made – however when I accept and allow any form of ‘leeway’ within me, that’s when ‘shit hits the fan’ as I stand in a quicksand middle ground of no self-direction and only allowing the days go by and leaving points half-way done. Yikes

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the past as an excuse to not move, wherein I simply become part of the old world that is perpetuated in our every day living actions within this world, which are exactly the type of attitudes that have driven ourselves to the current experiences that we have in relation to being in an absolute zombie mode and only being driven by that which entails highly-rewarded activities and only moving when there is energy-reward/ compensation/ remuneration involved, instead of realizing that within a world in equality the only point of motivation is self-here as breath, wherein within that realization I see and understand that everything I do is as a self-willed movement is one plus point to the creation go a world that is no longer profit/ energy driven, but self-willed at al times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ‘carelessness’ as an actual state of being wherein I apparently ‘don’t care’ about consequences and outflows of my own procrastination, when in fact, it is just another way to mask it as it all being ‘alright’ while compounding actual stress, fears and anxiety that I simply wash down through going into the carelessness-mode where I am not in fact being self directive, but only using a no-reaction mode in order to believe that ‘everything will be just fine’ and that I will be able to pull-through it based on the past and my experiences to always ‘get it done’ without realizing that I cannot possibly base the who I am in every moment based on the past of having just walked through the points that must be done, and ‘get away with it’ as in everything turning out ‘alright,’ while in fact this indicates that I am conditioning myself based on the ‘who I was’ in the past which is in no way a self-directive decision, at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having created a pattern of going to the opposite after having lived a life of extreme apprehension to ‘get things done/ get assignments done’ and always having to excel and be on time, whereas from the past years that this energetic drive has receded, I have now gone to the extreme opposite of apparently ‘not caring’ to excel and always be ‘perfect,’ which is just another self-sabotage mechanism as I am not being self-directive at all within this, but only justifying my previous energetic drive to always ‘have everything done on time’ and always doing works and projects and label myself as a responsible person, to the point where I have now that I am not apparently ‘fearing’ I have only transmuted that fear of the consequences for me not being diligent in my tasks and have made it ‘alright’ as an excuse that ‘I had been so apprehensive my entire life that I required a break’ – yet that ‘break’ is not going into the opposite and stop caring to continue being responsible and use bullshit justifications as to why I am not moving, and instead realize that Because I am stopping self-motivation through energy/ mostly fear of getting a bad grade/ not being able to have proper credits in my school, it doesn’t imply that I then have ‘no motivation’ to do it, as this is now all about Self-Movement wherein I have seen the result of there being ‘no drive’ as an energetic drive – thus believing that something/ someone will push me to do it, which is absolutely unacceptable and a total victimization wherein I am trying to justify actual procrastination in the name of ‘healing myself from the past’ of worry, anxiety and apprehension toward all assignments and work to do, without realizing that it is only a mind justification that is in no way valid as there is no excuse that is valid when it comes to Self-Movement, as I am the only one that bears the consequences and the only one that is able to change that pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consuming my being without actually Caring enough to see that I am simply making it all ‘alright’ and creating a point of extreme laxity wherein because I am no longer driven by the effect of fear of not getting something done, there is simply ‘nothing’ threatening me which is exactly the type of conditioning that I have accepted and allowed in this world as a point of motivation wherein

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be playing out precisely the point of ‘Lack of Self-Motivation’ that most people complain about within the Equal Money System presentation, wherein because there is no Fear as Fear of Survival that drives the human being to act, work to be part of a giving and receiving society/group as humanity, everyone asks ‘what will be the point of motivation within the Equal Money System?’ and in that, realizing that the motivation given by earning money/ making profit out of any activity is in fact the fear of survival/ not having enough money that is driving everyone currently to keep going within this system – this implies that in my case, as I am not being threatened to life to do what I have to do, I am in fact only allowing myself to confirm that I have been an organic robot that can only function based on fear as a crutch to move and use it as a motivation, which is unacceptable as I am in fact recreating the patterns of the old world wherein nothing moves if there is no money/ energy incentive as motivation.

I realize that in this point in my process, there will be Nothing moving if I don’t move and this has been the starting point of me having continued writing after a long hiatus – or intermittent participation in writing – in the past wherein the very act of writing had become the same point of ‘idleness’ wherein If I didn’t move, I obviously would remain in that comfort of ‘nothing happens,’ when in fact I actually simply let it all go-by and not take the moment to write myself because I believed that it was all ‘just fine’ – which is one of the greatest lies that we have all, collectively as humanity, accepted and allowed as a way to avoid facing the real responsibility that is required to take on in this world, and I realize that if I continue in this laxity and apparent ‘carelessness’ in this aspect of my direct participation in an outcome that is part of a collective effort, I am being the one point that along with many other points add up to the queues of ‘carelessness’ wherein we rather focus on something else and outside of ourselves, instead of absolutely giving myself the time to focus on my own process of self directive and self willed movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only make everything within my world being ‘alright’ because there is no fear involved driving me to do things – but that it is thus the specific moment wherein I must step outside of ‘the zone’ that I had been specifically warned about, and realizing that Nothing will truly move if I don’t move’ – and this applies to every single aspect that I move myself in, wherein I am not being as self-directive in all areas of my every day living.

When and as I see myself going into the thinking pattern of ‘it’s fine, I’ve got time, there’s no need to rush, take it easy, everything will turn out to be fine’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is exactly the type of thinking patterns that I have used as a justification to not move and remain in idleness while holding a belief that somehow I will do it eventually which is an absolute time-trap that I have built within myself, wherein I am only procrastinating my own correction within self-movement as an equally-applied point in my reality

I direct myself to stop creating differences of my application according to what the task is and what is the task for, wherein I stop valuing my self-movement and direction and placing toward that which I have placed as ‘more important’ in my mind, yet not realizing that all points that I have directed myself to participate in are equally important. Thus, what we are here to do is realizing that the reality that I have built for myself as my own life and my world has been that of ‘waiting’ and ‘hoping’ that something will ‘move me’ and only moving if fear of survival/ fear of loss is involved – which implies that I have been proving myself to be a conditioned organic robot to only function based on fear and the stress of a life-threatening application, which is the base foundation of the entire current system wherein we are all just moving and chasing after because we have accepted and allowed the fact that if you don’t work = you don’t earn money – therefore you die as the fuzzy logic system that instills fear and a life-threat in order to cause movement. This implies that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my life I had never in fact being a Self-responsible person and actually moving by my own will, as I have simply driven myself through and by energy as fear, life-threats that are not ‘spoken’ but simply known and accepted as such, because of believing that ‘this is how the world works.’ Thus, the moment that I accepted and allow myself to require a point of motivation I can see that I am not being self-directive and self-willed at all, but that I am only adding one point to the entire fear-fueled reality that only moves according to the amount of life threats that we can receive in order to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have abdicated my power to move in every moment of breath to the mind as the pattern of ‘carelessness’ wherein I am constantly shifting myself to ‘do something else’ instead of focusing on my own tasks and assignments that must get done by me-moving-myself as a self-willed movement that I realize, see and understand won’t come by ‘a magic wand’ but require actual self-movement, self-direction and within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be in ‘all places’ at all times, pushing for a point of moving ‘faster’ yet missing out the point that this existence moves at the pace of breath, wherein rushing and trying to speed up any form of process is just a waste of time, actually, as this process won’t get ‘done faster’ unless I become that point that proves to myself that the actual way to walk this is in every moment of breath that I Direct myself to a best for all outcome, which implies also dedicating myself to Move myself, to see for myself and actually create a point within my living pattern of Not requiring energy to move – in this, being an actual part of the solution that understands what it means to will ourselves to move without requiring threats and/or emotional blackmail to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the point of others promoting ‘positivity’ as laxity and carelessness while believing that ‘everything will be alright’ while in fact, I am living by that which I ‘loathe’ which is washing it all down as ‘there’s not a problem, it should be fine’ instead of actually investigating in the moment what is it that I am in fact suppressing and making it ‘alright’ to not have to face the actual point of change as self-movement, which implies that we only project onto others that which is deeply ingrained within ourselves. Therefore, I take self responsibility to ensure that I stop all forms of delusional expectations on something ‘working out just fine’ after a while out of nowhere, instead of seeing and realizing that this process requires my every-breath direct participation in the construction of a world that is certainly self-directive and self-willed wherein we can prove that we can stop being slaves to become equal self-directive free beings, that do not require a shackle and whipping to move, but that we can simply direct ourselves to just do it.

I commit myself to become the self-directive point in every moment that I see myself deviating into doing ‘something else’ other than what I see is priority within my own process, which implies that I must establish the point of self-movement as self-motivation without any form of fear or life threat as an instigator for such movement, but I realize that nothing will change and nothing will move If I don’t change and if I don’t move – which I now realize are the most important aspects that I have to direct within my every day living, to prove that we as human beings can actually motivate ourselves and move ourselves in the name of our own self-support as life, wherein we stop seeking for an energetic ‘high’ of getting something done, accomplishing something in separation of ourselves, but instead walk the necessary actual application to get things done for/ by / as a Living Principle – which is living life in a self-directive mode instead of being fueled by positive and negative experience as a motivation, which resulted in the current world where we live in extreme greed and extreme fears alike.

I commit myself to get my shit together and establish and actual self-direction in my world wherein I stop wavering and riding the waves of ‘It’s alright, it’s okay, I’ll get it done somehow and someway’ which is a constant point as ‘carelessness’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to become, wherein I am in fact delegating my power away, the power that exists here as every breath, and using my time and space to divert my attention from what requires to be directed, which means that I have to stop the patterns of procrastination by masking it with ‘overcoming a previous life pattern of apprehension, worry and concern’ to always get things done, which is in fact self-manipulation to excuse my actual lack of self-movement, which I then become rather cynical about in terms of realizing that ‘yes, I didn’t move’ and not walking a practical solution to Move and Direct myself to get my tasks/ work done.

I commit myself to stop every moment that I go into the same laxity and carelessness and making something ‘alright’ without further investigation if there is actually something hiding behind that ‘carelessness’ due to washing down the energetic movement that arises and that I simply transmute into another experience which is also energetically based as ‘laxity’ and ‘carelessness’ – which implies that I must stop and breathe in every moment to see where I am allowing myself to ‘flow toward’ and not be self-directive in every moment, as I see and realize that it is in these seemingly ‘small fleeting moments’ that I actually walk away from self-direction and enter into ‘the zone’ of riding the waves of going into any point that ‘comes to me’ and ‘emerges’ instead of me directing myself toward it as a self-directive move and principle.

I commit myself to stop the ‘carelessness’ attitude and laxity and instead, move myself as self-care wherein I make sure I walk my own process instead of being constantly shifting myself out of HERE in order to go and ‘do something else’ other than the obvious points that require direction which can be directed in a single moment of breath and actual physical move wherein I see myself as the only point of motivation required to do so, as an actual motility instead of only thinking about it – I move myself as an actual physical movement to do so and in that, stop procrastinating self-movement into an energetic-driven reality.

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“If I don’t change, If I don’t move

Nothing will change and Nothing will move”
– Anu from the Hereness of reality.[*]

 

 

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• Day 43: Parenting Patterning Fear and Control

• Energy as Real Creator: DAY 42 

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• Day 43: Is Patience Really a Virtue?

 

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42: Toxic Fun – Drugs as Enslavement

Who are we when we allow the intoxication of another being that you can call a friend/ partner/ lover in the name of 'Fun'? It's taken a punch to my ego to write a 'we' when I have declared myself as an official drug/ alcohol detractor - yet, I've been there myself and even had special affinity toward self-destructive people, which implies that whenever I accepted the consumption of drugs/ alcohol in the name of 'fun' = I accepted an allowed the man-infestation of the abuse of drugs and alcohol consumption in the world as way to 'have a good time. '

Who are we when we support the use of drugs/ alcohol as a way to 'free ourselves'? Isn't that the same as inducing another to take some rat poison while pretending that you can just throw your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care?

My mind wants to run rampant in rage when seeing the effects that such stupefaction generates in a human being - however, here I have placed myself as the point that stops judgment and any other reaction, walking the Self Forgiveness as well [*]. And how I was able to stop the immediate surge of backchat was through saying out loud 'I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another for seeing the obvious effects that alcohol/ drugs had upon them while in fact that person as this very moment could have been me'  - and so, the tendency to judge from this 'superiority' idea of self was deflated and brought back to the ground, hearing about Patience today also supported me a lot to slow myself down.

Thus, now that I have walked the road to hell and back, meaning having walked the process of self forgiveness on these subjects and practically Stopping all forms of substance abuse as an integral part of my commitment to life – I can say that allowing the continuation of such self-abuse between so-called 'friends' and partners/lovers is just the most obvious act of actual spite and self-loathing that you can 'gift' yourself and another with - that's how any relationship that wherein alcohol and drugs are promoted as a way to 'feel good' and 'have a good time,’  ‘relax and just chill’  is equal to allowing any form of Self Abuse such as rape, murder, violence and any other form of psychological and physical abuse,  no matter how it is ‘covered up’ and ‘masked’ within this reality.

 

It should be fairly obvious how alcohol is promoted and accepted in our society in such a ‘broad spectrum’ so to speak: it keeps slaves happy and sufficiently droned down to be able to never question how this reality works and only care about dumbing people down to be willing to accept the most ludicrous social policies as long as the so-called ‘free choice’ and ‘free will' are a means to be able to get drunk, get high, get fucked and repeat the next week on a regular /religious basis.

Unacceptable, even more so when the physical body is absolutely neglected, not really imagining what the cells of the body are having to go through once they are drenched in alcohol and any other chemical-poisoning in the name of earning an 'Experience' – the use of drugs indicate to what extent we have separated ourselves from our physical bodies and believe that it is only ‘here’ to hold as a chemical reactor of experiences that we dare to call happiness, enjoyment, fun, satisfaction and even going as far as ‘getting in touch with yourself’ when it comes to psychotropic drugs.

How low have we gone within this reality in the name of drugs? Extremely low hence, here’s some Self Forgiveness to give ourselves an opportunity to review what we have done onto ourselves in the name of our own energy-god experience that alcohol, drugs and sex abuse creates.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take a hierarchical standing within ‘superiority’ for being ‘over any drug/ alcohol/ substance’ abuse – including sugar – while realizing that this process is not only about ‘me bettering myself,’ but expanding the realization of who we have become as life-consuming beings in the name of an experience, such as getting drunk/high which is numbing our senses in the name of what we have accepted and allowed to call ‘fun’ and ‘entertainment.’ I realize that this world won’t be ‘done with drugs’ until every human is able to realize the actual detrimental effects that such drugs/substance abuse creates at a physical and mind level.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see the use of alcohol as a way to ‘have fun’ that is socially acceptable simply because it is sold in your corner shop, which I have then equated to ‘it is safe to do it – otherwise, why would ‘my government’ want to poison me?’ without realizing that in a world where money moves the threads of every single being and manifestation in the name of power/ control over reality, we cannot possibly assume that everything that we buy/ consume is ‘safe’ and ‘not harmful’ while such assumption is deliberately wanting to neglect and ignore the facts about human decay that are stemming from alcohol abuse, which means that everything that I have ever deemed as ‘safe’ because ‘it’s sold in stores’ I have accepted and allowed simply because of faith and trust upon others while neglecting FACTS and actual Consequences of such substances in reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate ‘having a good time’ to taking some form of drug, drink alcohol or take any other chill pill to ‘feel just fine,’ without ever considering the irreparable damage that I am inflicting upon my body whenever I consume any substance that I abuse in the name of personal satisfaction as an euphoric experience of which I am completely oblivious as to what are the actual consequences as harm that I am inflicting myself with when using and abusing substances. I realize that I have made things ‘0kay’ in my reality because they are ‘socially acceptable,’ and ‘everyone does it,’ which makes me ponder what else have I accepted in the name of it being ‘socially acceptable’ and it making me a deliberate sheep and follower of a system of enslavement and abuse, such as the capitalistic system wherein I actually pay for my own slow death the moment that I pay for drugs to ‘have fun’ for some time, while having long lasting effects at a physical level out of a moment of self-indulgence.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ask forgiveness to my body, to every single cell that I neglected the moment that I only sought to ‘have fun’ and inducing chemicals into it that had detrimental effects in an immediate moment, which is how we can numb ourselves from the actual physical experience that we put ourselves as our physical body through the moment that we aim to ‘live’ through Experiences – without realizing that Energy as Experiences is Not Living, but actually abusing the physical in the name of personal interest as instant gratification.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this entire system of drug consumption which includes entertainment, information, media, advertisement, religions, spirituality as a constant seeking for ‘bettering’ myself either through deluding myself with drugs, knowledge, information, self-talk or positive thinking which are all self-induced forms of abuse in the name of personal satisfaction while neglecting the reality that we are all living in, wherein any form of experience is at the expense of the very use/ abuse of life substance as who we really are, which causes a massive delegation of our physical-breath power to the diminishing of ourselves to a single ‘positive experience’ such as the one that we get to have when drinking alcohol, taking drugs, praying, praising some deity, doing charity, meditating, talking to god/ self as the mind and seeking to mimic the lives of the rich and famous that seem to have a never-ending life of eternal satisfaction, without realizing that such lives are essentially propagated and sponsored by the elites to promote a way of living that is associating life with consumption/ abuse of substances, as this has proven to be the best weapon to keep the masses silenced and obeying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately induce self-harm toward myself and others in the name of ‘fun’ and ‘partying’ through the use and abuse of substances like alcohol, drugs and any other ‘legal pharma-suit-to-kill’ that can give me a temporary high and experience of ‘feeling great’ for a moment, while neglecting the very breaths that I am squandering and essentially eating up in the name of personal satisfaction such as ‘getting high’ and ‘having fun’ as a ‘cool mix’ that has been accepted within society as nowadays' way to ‘have a good time,’ which makes it obvious how abuse is inherent to anything that we have dubbed as ‘good time/ positive/ enjoyment’ through the use and abuse of external points such as drugs and people alike.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label self-abuse as ‘free choice’ and ‘free will,’ which is the standard used by individuals to justify their ability to consume drugs and even ‘spite the system’ through consuming illegal drugs within the belief that such action will – in any way – ‘liberate them’ from the so-called ‘oppression’ in reality, while in fact the only thing that is being perpetuated is the constant opposition and conflict toward a world that is self-created = we are all responsible for everything that we could deem as limiting and subjugating to a ‘hierarchical power,’ which is only us subjugating ourselves to a monetary system that is does Not care about life and supporting a dignified living for all, but deliberately promotes self abuse as a way to maintain ourselves limited and caged within a very narrow spectrum of reality – which reveals that we have been the only ones that have accepted a ‘lifestyle of abuse’ as something that is cool and socially acceptable, while neglecting the harm that is being inflicted at a physical level and toward other beings when ‘making it acceptable’ to consume alcohol/ drugs within society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apparently ‘spite the system’ such as family, society, government/ laws by consuming ‘illegal drugs’ without realizing that if they were really a threat to promote an actual emancipation of beings, they would have been eradicated from society and any form of market – yet because they represent the greatest weapon of control and temporary fear-reliever, they are accepted as an apparent surreptitious market and industry – yet having great weight upon global economy as drugs represent one of the greatest markets with the most profit that goes un-checked and unnoticed – apparently – due to the extensive amounts of money that are involved within such so-called ‘criminal activities’ – which once again proves the reverse psychology within beings wherein: everything that is deemed to be ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ and ‘opposing the law,’ will be embraced and promoted as a ‘self-liberating’ way to ‘be free’ and ‘be joyful’ – while neglecting that this represents falling in the very trap carefully built to enroll people within chemical addictions that become a promoter for passivity and acceptance of this reality ‘as is,’ which is no different to how spirituality promotes ‘surrendering to the here now moment’ and neglecting any form of self-responsibility toward the individual within society and the individual’s life itself, beginning with considering HOW am I harming my physical body with consuming substances that are obviously detrimental to my physical body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘oppose the system’ and be an ‘activist’ while using alcohol, drugs and any other illegal abuse of substances as a way to reinforce my so-called antagonism toward society/ the system, which reveals that I am a perfectly mind-controlled drone that is willing to create resistance toward a system that requires such conflict to continue thriving in the same stagnant position of continual disregard toward life – without ever questioning how it is that opposition and protesting against the system has never ever had an actual effect on this world as a living-change that affects every single being in reality, which proves that I as an ‘activist’ and ‘system basher’ was only seeking my personal satisfaction and gratification to be able to deem myself to be ‘free’ while neglecting that it was through the very use and abuse of substances that I was already making a statement of: ‘I don’t really care about anyone else but me and my fun’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a religious drinker/binger in the name of personal satisfaction as a way to proclaim that ‘I am a free being! I have free will! I have free choice! I can do whatever the fuck I want!’ While obviously neglecting every bit of life that I abused in the name of such desire and need to create an Experience of ‘power’ as the ‘moreness’ of myself through deifying energy as ‘who I am’ as such fleeting moments and experiences, while defying the physical living substance that I use and simply consume as a fuel to my own personal delusions, which is absolutely unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to promote drug consumption as a way to ‘get in touch with yourself’ which was actually only promoting ‘get drunk, get high and forget about your living reality that you breathe in’ – which is in itself proving that I have become nothing else but a single self-seeking individual that is willing to do ‘anything’ for a moment of ‘peace’ and ‘happiness’ and ‘love’ which have all proven to be the very keys to the enslavement of this reality, creating and supporting the existence of a passive and ignorant human being toward all-aspects of reality that are outside of the self-obsessed culture that we have become in reality.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to link the use of drugs and alcohol to sex and call it ‘sexy’ which means that I have been sufficiently brainwashed through media, books and everything that indicates that I am willing to accept self abuse in the name of personal satisfaction as the fleeting moment that becomes sex when stemming from mind-stimulation which in no way constitutes an actual physical Real expression of reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that through consuming drugs, alcohol and any other substance it is possible to ‘escape from myself,’ without realizing that it is actually within facing myself and supporting me to walk my own mind as fears and desires to ‘be free,’ that I can in-fact free myself from my own mind-limitation that is the only one that seeks such type of entertainment and ‘satisfaction’ in the name of a temporary band-aid to the existential doom that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish who I am to a single fleeting moment wherein I lose all integrity as a human being while allowing me to become obsessed and possessed with the chemical influences that a single substance can create in the entirety of my human body, which reveals that I have in fact never considered the very life that allows me to continue breathing in this world and that I have only become my own enemy while having to seek ‘outlets’ as ‘diversion’ in order to ‘have fun’ and ‘enjoyment’ in separation of myself, which means that I have accepted and allowed myself to become nothing else but a mind-drone that seeks an experience at all times, while neglecting the fact that who we really are is here as breath as ourselves, in every moment that we allow the mind to be quiet yet remain self directive in our living-reality, which is absolutely possible if we walk a process to do so.

“I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that fear is now so automated as a system, that no one can remember what started it and no one cares - because a good scare gives a physical response, a physical high, so as to get Drugs for Free – just by producing your own Fear is Heaven on Earth.

I commit myself to show that the body is always in agony due to the Mind feeding on it in various response patterns, forcing the body to produce chemicals in many ways to keep the experience of the Mind Bubble to NOT see reality – producing, just like with the use of drugs, a dreamlike state - while calling the dream of the mind real, and calling the physical that is real, a dream.

I commit myself to show that Breathing Here without using the MIND, being physical – will show how fear is a MIND JOB based on a physical addiction to the body response to the fear.” Bernard Poolman [+]

 

Thus, I commit myself to continue exposing the truth of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as energetic vampires that seek an experience out of virtually anything in this reality, in the name of personal satisfaction and a fleeting moment of so-called fun and enjoyment that is in no-way in relation to the physical reality that is here, tangible, breathable and doesn’t require a specific ‘state of being’ to exist.

I commit myself to reveal how one is able to live and exist here as a physical being without having to constantly be seeking ways to ‘feel better’ and ‘have fun’ through using/ consuming substances, alcohol, drugs or create a deliberate experience in order to satisfy ‘the senses’ which is no different to believing that who we are is eternal bliss and fueling positive thinking to create such perpetual state of actual self abuse that neglects the physical reality that is burnt as fuel in order to keep such self-created mechanisms going.

I commit myself to expose and reveal the ability to live without seeking for the next greatest excitement and having to be constantly living up for a future moment of ‘enjoyment’ through the use and consumption of substances, and instead show how the acceptance of self as breath here is the solution to all the problems/ desires/ experiences that would have gotten anyone to consume alcohol/ drugs, as all desires, wants and needs are created at a mind level which I am able to stand one and equal to.

I commit myself to promote a system – the Equal Money System - that supports all life in Equality, that supports actual living self-expression wherein no drugs, no alcohol will have to be produced as there will be no need to seek for an alternate experience other than the ability to live as heaven on earth for the very first time in our existence, as I realize that all drugs have been an attempt to mimic and false-represent a true well being that we are actually able to work for as a collective, as humanity in order to establish a Living Reality that doesn’t consume life, but supports Life as Life itself.

“I commit myself to show that the Human Race is yet to Wake Up and that all Mind Jobs of Self-Realization are just ways used to find a better chemical producer by the Flesh on which to continue the High of the Addiction called Personality/Individuality. It is like the Robbing of the physical flesh of its resources, as constant raping of Life, just to have Feeling – like being on Drugs.

I commit myself to show that these Addictions to substances is all the Human has ever been - and that at the moment, few will have the resolve to Break the Addictions. Fortunately, Death ends this – but, what is visited upon the children, generation after generation, is atrocities of magnitudes yet to be Realized.” - Bernard Poolman [+]

 

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Equal Money System

 

 

 

Blog on subject:

• All-Co-Hole-ism till 5 AM from Today

• It’s Fried-day Night, Mr. Self Destruct

• Addictions in the Equal Money System « Equal Money for ALL as LIFE

 

Self Support for myself when dealing with ‘getting angry’ at people in such cases:

• [*]Getting angry when directing others « MarlenLife's Blog

• Physical Self-Forgiveness
  

  • 2012 Physical Incorporated
    
    

  Interviews:

• Life Review - A Drug-Addict as Mind-Prophet Here a being shares his life-experience of becoming addicted to drugs, and the reality/life he created for himself in his mind through the drugs – only to realise at death that none of it was real; and within that – all the realizations / insights he came to during his Life Review

• Tunnel-Vision Consequence of Energy and Money Why won’t individual human beings be able to change ourselves and this world as long as we are internally and externally possessed by and obsessed with Energy within and Money without?

Vlogs:

• 2011 Why is Society based on Alcohol?

• 2010 I Use Alcohol on a Regular Basis

• 2010 Stop Weed or Die

 

Blogs: Highly recommended to understand HOW and WHY our thoughts are manifesting our reality:

• [+]Day 42: Fear - Be AFRAID, BE VERY AFRAID

• Day 41: Spiritual Poverty of Love and Light     -

• Temptation is Not Damnation?: DAY 41    -

• Day 7: Redefining Words (Part 4)- Redefining words as living words     -

Facebook Group for Self Support in Stopping Addictions:

• Stop a Habit for 21 days - Experiment

And a great reality check:

• Conversation with the Mind as God    - Maya H
  

 

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Day 41: “Knowledge is Power"

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately become a knowledge-seeker wherein I deemed that I could get to be ‘worthy’ through accumulating knowledge and information that would enable me to ‘judge the world/ others’ with sufficient ‘cause’ as I had equated knowledge = power as power over others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately accumulate knowledge as an ‘attribute’ that I CULTivated in order to be able to ‘worth’ myself according to the accumulation of knowledge and information that I used as ‘ammunition’ in order to be able to always have answer to everything, and within that, being able to ‘win’ at all times for giving the correct answer and feel ‘good’ about myself – in this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to program me to become a knowledge and information sponge in the name of my personal benefit wherein I ‘knew’ that it would then not matter that I wasn’t accepted according to being a ‘suitable image’ in society, but I could be recognized, valued and worthy according to the knowledge and information that I decided to accumulate as a long-term inversion, wherein I could then get to ‘win’ over others through such knowledge and get people to value me and admire me according to the amount of knowledge and information that I could accumulate throughout my lifetime in my desire to become a ‘knowledgeable person’ that would be respected for ‘always having a bright opinion’ as the idea of who I wanted to be, as the one that could write about others and in that, having power even over those that were creating original-works (in writing/ art) as I could then use the ‘power of knowledge’ as words in order to either bash them = make my ego grow through feeling good about ‘bashing another with knowledge and information’ – or enhancing their ego through using knowledge and information to validate and justify their work according to my own knowledge and information reference.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that without knowledge, I would be a ‘no one.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for ever having suffered because of realizing that I had spent a long time accumulating knowledge as my own ‘inversion’ that could give me some profit in the future, as I expected and had directed me to become a ‘critique’ of reality, arts, culture and in that, thinking that I was ‘on the right path’ because of all the amount of knowledge and information that I had filled myself up with while growing up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue perpetuating a system that is basing a child’s education only on knowledge and information in various ‘sectors’ that are in no way considering that the skills and abilities of each human being differ, and that knowledge and information without actual application is useless.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed my role/ position as being a ‘opinionated person’ that could bring up knowledge and information as a means to create an ‘impact’ that could place me upon others and in that, getting my positive experience for being praised whenever my teachers would say ‘oh you always have the answer’ or ‘what Don’t You know’ which would always place me in a position of mixed embarrassment and feeling good for taking that as a compliment, which means that I would mask the ‘good feeling’ with a ‘negative experience’ in order to not seem as conceited with knowledge toward my fellow classmates.

I forgive myself that I ever allowed myself to take for granted every breath that sustained my personal pursuit of power through knowledge in place, using my physical body as a container of data that I could access whenever I would get the opportunity to ‘dazzle’ someone with my ‘wits’ and ‘win’ over something/someone by ‘knowing the right answer,’ which is how I allowed myself to become only a single personality that accepted that ‘being intelligent’ and ‘knowledgeable’ was ‘my place in society,’ and deliberately neglected any other activity that had nothing to do with arts, culture, books, intellectualism at its finest, within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deify myself as knowledge and information – which is energy of/ as the mind – and defying my own physicality every moment that I gave my power away to thinking and seeking to be ‘more knowledgeable’ believing that the ‘answer to life was there,’ and never considering my very own breathing-ability as the real life-giver, despite the evidence that knowledge and information and all intellectual in this world have only done one thing: thinking about the world, not living.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel like the ‘queen of the world,’ when winning spelling contests and ‘beating males’ in the contest, as that apparently made me ‘super intelligent’ and making me feel better for having ‘them’ below me, which gave a specific sense of power as the knowledge and robotic task that spelling represents. I realize that the moment that I sought to win, I was fully participating in the same pursuit of triumph that I have cultivated my entire life, and that has been linked to me wanting to be recognized and valued according to the knowledge an information that ‘I possessed’ as a way to be recognized within society for that, as I deemed that I only was ‘good at’ mind-related work, but not physical world – and yet believe that I was ‘on the right track’ because

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate a world-system wherein knowledge is paid more than actual physical work, which is a point that I have criticized of the system as to why people that are above in the hierarchies are paid extensive amounts of money, while only giving orders and sitting around all day – while people that would do the actual work to keep the money system in place get paid close to nothing, which I deemed as ‘absolutely unfair’ yet, I was aiming at becoming a part of the people that earn a lot of money for thinking and not doing much, which proves the double standards that exist when one thinks that ‘my job is to have opinions about reality and intellectualize it’ and nothing else, which is diminishing my entirety to become nothing else but an archive of knowledge and information that has no practical-living experience, but only gets paid for/ is recognized by all knowledge and information that has been accumulated in order to be able to use it to ‘talk about reality’ without actually being a part of reality as in physically walking the world-system, but only staying at the comfort of my own mind that gets money out of thinking reality.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that whatever I could see in another was ‘the reality’ of such person, as all that I was seeing was their mind according to my own mind without really taking into consideration that all that we have ever been is the accumulation of manifested consequence as the effects of the primordial separation from who we really are as life into energy – which means that anything that I could perceive, believe and think another to be, is only me viewing myself according to my own ‘frame of mind’ as the frame that I have limited myself with to never Live, here as a physical being, but only live through/ as my own mind – believing myself to be the knowledge and information that I accepted as ‘who I am’ while growing up – within this, becoming my own set of knowledge and information in separation of  my physical body that doesn’t require to be judged/ assessed/ defined/ given adjectives to in order to exist.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to stand in front of the mirror and judge my body through the eyes of the mind as the eyes of that energetic consequence of separation form myself as my physical body, which implies that I would always see me as ‘not good enough’ / ‘flawed’ because of who I had accepted and allowed myself to be and become as ‘my own mind’ – within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard every single cell that allows me to breathe, to move, to drink, to eat, to walk, to interact with my environment wherein all of this time I had deemed it as just ‘dead flesh,’ which is an absolute insult as the only thing that can end up dead is the physical consumed by my own continued and deliberate participation in the mind. I realize that the ability to direct myself as my mind is absolutely possible – therefore, I allow myself to stop thinking and simply approach my own body for the physicality that it is, instead of diminishing it to being subject of my own judgments that exist only in the righteousness of who I am as my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become self-righteousness based on the certainty that ‘who I am is my mind’ and thus, cultivated my own mind in order to make of it a long-term investment that I could later on ‘use’ as a means to obtain money/power in this world as an ‘intellectual’ which was part of the aims I had toward my life, wherein I certainly abused my body due to using it only as a knowledge-carrier and allowing me to simply exist to deify knowledge and information, while neglecting and separating myself from every breath that I took for granted throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever invest endless hours improving my own mind as to be able to ‘judge’ reality with proper tools and ways to always ‘win’ and have ‘the ace’ under my sleeve – which means that everything that I CULTivated throughout my life was consuming knowledge and information that I kept/ stored in the future projected belief that ‘I will someday need it’ and in that, locking myself into the future as knowledge and information, while neglecting my very physical body and taking every breath for granted, because all I ever thought myself to be was ‘a thought,’ an idea/ image/ presentation toward others only  - where was I? Lost in translation, accumulating knowledge and information that could apparently make me ‘more’ and ‘more worthy’ than others. In this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate knowledge and information as a means to always have ‘the answer’ and having stored it in means of always being able to ‘win over others’ which means that I trained myself to become nothing else but a lie-brary of useless knowledge and information in order to always ‘be right.’

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to become a knowledgeable elitist or intellectual, wherein I sought to satisfy my own personal enjoyment of talking to ‘like-minded people,’ which means that all I wanted was another pair of ears and mouth in order to regurgitate the same knowledge and information that I was fond of,  and call that ‘affinity’ and ‘same interests,’ when in fact the only interest was me asserting ‘who I am’ as my own mind, as my own set of knowledge and information that I then created an energetic experience toward whenever another is able to relate to it, which means that anything that two people may have experienced – apparently- about another was in fact only about self as the mind getting confirmation from another mind on similar self-created programming.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop kinship toward specific people in my world according to how I had judged them as ‘knowledgeable,’ ‘intelligent’ and ‘well read,’ which were qualities that I actually thought about myself, but never accepted it as ‘who I am’ out of wanting to be ‘humble,’ and in that, simply seeking to be part of a group/ circle in society that is only looking at the intellectual aspect of reality, philosophizing and having endless conversations about how ‘know it all’ we were - and Not focusing on the actual reality, which is how I became absolutely oblivious to the world for quite some time, while seeking to CULTivate knowledge as CULTure in the name of personal power.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to only get along with those that had similar mind-cultivation and egos, which means that I sought and aimed to ‘get my spot’ in society along with ‘like-minded people,’ which is the foundation of separation and elitism through only becoming a part of the social-networks that we want to be a part of based on who we are as our mind, instead of regarding life as the physical practical living as the actual bond that can be in fact extended toward any other human being, by virtue of realizing that we all have the same body, the same systems inside in common which makes us all equally dependent from the Earth to live – within this, realizing that knowledge plays only a role of self-definition in means of separation as a way to continue competing and believing that ‘there is not enough for all, we must excel to be able to get it all’ – and in that, agreeing to only be the rats in the cage that always seek power, self-gratification and apparent ‘control’ over others through ‘knowing more/ better.’

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I have never in fact lived a relationship with another, nor myself as all that I had deemed myself to be was my personality, my ego as my beliefs, ideas, preferences and general ‘view’ upon life, which is knowledge and information that I absorbed through my parents, through school, teachers, classmates, TV, family members which are the places wherein I asserted ‘who I am’ only as a daughter, a student, a cousin, a niece, a friend and growing up with the same idea of myself according to such social roles, plus the ‘professional role’ which is what I decided to be/ become based on wanting to continue satisfying my own ‘exclusivity’ of ‘who I am’ as knowledge and information, which means that the choices I made in life were only based on self-interest according to what I wanted to be and become based on ‘who I am as my mind,’ and never ever actually considering ‘How can I prepare myself to become a being that supports the environment/ the world-system to become a best-for-all outcome where life can be unconditionally supported?

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to judge others for their ‘career choices’ in life wherein I never dared to question myself and my career choice/ choices in life due to me being simply hoping and dreaming that the world would end and I would not have to study/ become someone in the system – and/ or simply hoped that I could become someone ‘famous’ in the art world and suddenly be having enough money to live well without a regular job – yet neglecting taking all the practical steps for that, and as such only existing as a believer and hope-keeper that ‘good fortune’ could come my way out nowhere, which is the consequence of having always only thought about reality, but never actually living it.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to judge that I always ‘was right’ and everyone else was simply ‘wrong,’ wherein I allowed myself to live a life of a ‘secret agent’ of my own Secret Mind, wherein I developed a constant paranoia of fearing that people would always only approach me out of convenience, and not genuinely approaching me because they appreciated/ wanted to spend time with me – without realizing that in a energy-seeking reality, all actions are directed through/ as energy – wherein only if we remain here in every breath through and while directing ourselves with others, can we say that we have in fact heard /interacted / communicated  – otherwise, it is simply another ego-inflation machine that is only viewing everyone as ‘enemies’ and potential ‘threats’ to ‘who I am’ as my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and perpetuate a world system wherein people are divided according to the knowledge and information they possess, which is another form of control and instigating survivalist-fears according to ‘not being well educated = less chance of making’ it through’ which means that we have valued an education as knowledge and information above the right and ability to have a dignified life that all should be endowed with by virtue of birth – wherein those that never had access to knowledge and information that is remunerated as ‘education’ within this world are simply numbed out of the equation within this reality wherein ‘the more knowledge you accumulate = the wealthier you (can) become.’



I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to spite my own life with pursuing a profession wherein an actual practical interest to make this world a better place for all was never part of my plans, as I always sought to do it ‘my way’ wherein I could have all the ‘right intentions’ to do so, but never considered entering the system and changing it from within, which proves how through knowledge I valued and thought that I could ‘make it’ without having to really work on it and become a part of the mechanism that can change the way things work/ function in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not question why and how come we as humanity in a world system value knowledge and information above life, wherein out education is based on acquiring knowledge and information that prepares us only to perpetuate the same system of knowledge and information that gets remunerated as a way to sustain our own ‘ideal’ of reality through money, which is having “created” a reality based on thin-air, just like our current monetary system that is based on knowledge and information, but not on actual physical living that considers all life in equality.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is through knowledge that I separated myself from the realization of who I am as one and equal to another, as knowledge is assessing others in separation of myself, while neglecting the very substance that we are all equally made of, that doesn’t require to be ‘defined’ and ‘assessed’ in separation of myself, but simply self-realized as who and what I am as oneness and equality of life.

 

I commit myself to stop any form of disregard toward the very breath that I take in the name of becoming only knowledge and information that can be ‘valued’ by my own mind and ‘others’ minds as ‘who I am.’

 

I commit myself to stop placing any form of worth and value toward another and myself based on the knowledge that I/ others possess, which is the very first step to get out of my mind and into the physical body that doesn’t require knowledge and information to function and nurture itself, it simply requires me to support myself at a physical level, using knowledge and information that is practical and supportive in the immediacy of its application.

 

I commit myself to stop the war against my very own body, my very cells,the entire conglomeration of beings that I have disregarded at all times while focusing on improving my grey matter of brain that I deemed is ‘who I am’ and valuing myself only as knowledge and information which is in fact, that which will cease to exist – as knowledge can never be life.

I commit myself to prove that no knowledge and information has made a difference in this world and that it has only created and perpetuated the ‘gap’ and difference between humans beings according to ‘who we are’ as a mind that is able to accumulate knowledge and information as an inversion that gets rewarded in this world system where money rules and the physical is only abused to keep perpetuating such fallacy.

I commit myself to expose how knowledge and information is sectarianism in society as it exists now, because we have denied the ability for all to have equal quality education, which means that knowledge must be a practical means to support life in Equality and this must be the basis of a new educational system that can be beneficial for all beings equally.

I commit myself to create a world-system that values LIFE only and uses only knowledge and information as a means to give and receive what’s best for all, which means that life won’t be at the service of knowledge any longer, but stand equal and one at the service of life, wherein no more hierarchies are created out of ‘knowing’ because there won’t be any special reward toward knowledge, but simply using it as a means to benefit humanity and improve the quality of living in all ways.

I commit myself to expose about this reality being our own crafted mind control wherein we have valued knowledge and information above life and how it is imperative to stop supporting the same mechanisms of conflicting reality within our minds and instead, getting into practical living reality where physical living solutions must be integrated as part of any form of education that is truly aiming at creating a world system that works for all in equality.

 

Desteni Forum

Equal Money System

Read our blogs at Journey to Life 

 

What you are in your mind won’t prevail – wake up! (2008)

 

Blog

• Day 40: Thoughts Create Life!

• Day 6: Redefining words (Part 3) – Experience of the polarity game

• The Deal with the Devil: DAY 40 

 

Interviews:

• Reptilians - Giving up Knowledge for Life - Part 42

• Seeing Reality through the Mirrors of Energy and Money

• Atlanteans - Why the Nature of Man is inherently Evil - Part 33 – Awesome explanation about ‘who we are’

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A great interview that explains how we are in fact having this process on a golden platter and how crazy people manifested on this world – and  how it is vital for people to listen the Desteni message in this reality.

• Journeys into the Afterlife - The Being Driven to Insanity - Part 13

 

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