junio 15, 2008

My name

Ok marlen it's .. a name... made out of two names.. my mother chose it. I'm my mother's name and some aunt's name contracted into one.

Ok. Mar means sea in spanish
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think,believe and perceive that my name contains the meaning of sea within it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my name is my mother's will and infatuation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that my father had no right to choose my name

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be defined by the name I have within and as a mind consciousness system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever think, believe and perceive that i didn't like name Elena because of it's sound and because it it my aunt's name.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my name was a contraction of María Elena, which isn't the case

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel flattered by a jewish boy because he declared that he liked me and my name and found similarity of name with Marilyn, saying that even the mole had something to do like that.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my name sounds harmonious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge my parents for not placing an accent in my name in order to be pronounced correctly, such as Marlén

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be bothered when people add a last letter to my name, rather it is E or an A or ON

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to dislike having part of my mother's name in my name, therefore,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive, that I am connected more with my mother.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge my mother for not accepting the name marlene and therefore, removing the last E because it isn't the regular marlene name, but a "new" one she created.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my separation within my family for being the daughter that has no Y starting letter in name, such as my sisters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my sisters are similar because of their birthdays and names and that I made the difference by being named Marlen and having been born in september.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that by being born in a september 1st, i was ruled by the oneness contained in my day of birth, therefore, believing and perceiving and thinking that i had a special mission in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by a name of this world, therefore, existing within and as definitions of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be bothered when my mother expresses tenderness towards me, which is rare, but what happens is she seems to like bothering me that way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I had found my nemesis when I met maría elena.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that i was too similar to maria elena, even by the name.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be bothered when people asked if we were sisters or cousins or anything family related.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my name contains the name margarita and elena in one.

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I have no other attached meanings to my name, therefore, existing within and as wonder of what could possibly be ruling me.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward by saying my own name out loud and finding it a bit difficult to pronounce for the conjunction of the R and the L

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel weird by people saying my full name as if they were scolding me, because of me being more used to be call by nicknames.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always create a reaction within me whenever someone calls me by my name, weird.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel being 'rejected' whenever my family calls me by name marlen, because of being used to be called 'may' or any other nickname instead of using my full name

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as marlen only for school and outsiders from family

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that when a family member calls me marlen, they aren't 'ok' with me at the moment, they are 'rejecting me' at the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the name marlen as being strong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that when beings at school call me marlen, they 'know me more' than those that don't know my name

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself within and as the different names and nicknames I've had throughout my life by different people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay 'more attention' to people that call me by my name in comparison to those who don't call me by name

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be used to teachers, classmates and others calling me marlen, but feeling 'awkward' and 'weird' whenever parents, sisters or any other family member calls me by that name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place me within and as definitions as my name according to who would speak my name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my name was made to be repeated over and over and over again.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become sleepy while writing self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire being called Len but no one never did

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be extremely bother whenever I find someone else being named marlen, therefore existing within and as a relationship of possession towards my name.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to dislike the fact that my cousin's gf's name is Marlene

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be bothered by some people when they called me MarlenE

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that a's friend named Arlen, was a fuck up planned and a set up for me to go through my life in order to transcend my limitations towards my name.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be bothered by Arlen being called just like be, but me perceiving that she lacked something to be like me, as her name lacking the M that apparently defines me.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that i t was too fucked up that her name is Arlen because she also was in some friendship with ariam at same time, therefore, him stating that we both were his best friends... and me thinking it's fucked that i'm named marlen and she is named arlen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to despise the set ups and preprogrammed manifestations in this world.

lol maybe it was specifically placed for me to transcend this definition within and as my name, by having this girl being close and in separation of myself

I am one and equal to Arlen

i forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be bothered by arlen's presence when i was with a.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that arlen was challenging me as not being possessive over a.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever think, believe and perceive that I had a special contract or definition within and as a's life

I forgive myself that I acepted and allowed myself to fear losing A. because of him preferring Arlen over me..

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward while listening him telling almost like my name but with a letter missing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that the name of Arlen is missing an M

i forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the letter M to mother, milk, mujer (woman in spanish)

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link the letter M to the symbol of zodiacal sign virgo which is the one i was born under.

i forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be defined or identified as a virgo.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be bothered when a friend calls me ma, just like mother in short.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to like when people call me mar, because the sea comes to my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire going to the sea.

I am one and equal to the name Marlen

I define no separations with me and name marlen as who I really am

i am not defined by my name in any way whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people according to the way they call me, the specific tone of voice/and wording of the name -adding or changing letters- in order to 'make it their own' as well

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that when people call me by my name, I'm more 'recognized' I am more 'known' to others, therefore, making it something cool because it would mean, ' I got choice'.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame mother for placing me this name onto me, instead of realizing that it was already pre programmed pre ordained within and as the MCS within and as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined specifically by a name as the personality design of the mind I've believed and perceived myself to be and become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pay 'more attention' than usual whenever I hear my name, whenever I read my name because of still defining me within and as that particular order of letters forming the word marlen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear people noticing that my signature is very similar to the record store logo mixup

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive people according o¿to their name.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place definitions onto people according to the names they have.

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