junio 28, 2008

random fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be somewhat proud of all the 'achievements' I've had in my life, not realizing that they were all preprogrammed, preordained events in life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'get used to' always being first or best in school specially, therefore, feeling as if I had to keep the same status in oneness and equality self realization process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my pride as something that wasn't existent, not realizing that it exists and it is hiding behind 'unnoticed' places within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blush whenever I don't understand what bernard is trying to say in a post in reply of one of mine.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sometimes feel like a fool not getting common sense instantly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having defined myself, my whole life, as being a responsible person, not realizing that responsibility I was defining as doing homewerks and getting things done only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to catch myself in confusion for not being able to fully understand what's the deal going on with the allowance of drugs or alcohol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive, that I need to get down from my self built cloud of superiority where I'm not even realizing I exist in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I'm being too hard on myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive all of this being truly me, not realizing that this is but mind and system information as what exists currently in me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive that there exists contradiction in desteni with regards to the drug topic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still have fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always have been perceived as the one that could solve it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel or perceive myself as jaded for not being 'moved' by other's situations in life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being fucking with myself within and as self forgiveness and not applying it unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive that I am so used to doing everything 'right' that now I fear being doing SF wrong or not getting the point of it all, therefore allowing me to doubt and not trust myself.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted or allowed myself to exist within and as self trust as me as who I am in every moment, not allowing the mind to install or update fears within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of maybe dying by some natural catastrophe and not being able to make it here on earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually think too much and not allow myself to exist here, within and as the breath, therefore complicating it all with self trust issues.

I am self trust, I live self trust from now on, no more doubts in me with regards to process, only assistance and support.

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