junio 11, 2008

Women in music, men and music

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being like shannon wright
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself tod esire being a famous female rockstar
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of fame and recognition musicians have
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustrated for not being able to be a musician
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that I'm one and equal to SHannon wright, therefore, no need to desire being like her, as I am her as well.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as in great admiration for shannon wright's musical expression.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire being a famous female guitar player
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being praised and recognized by men as an accomplished female musician
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed msyelf to appreciate more female musical expressions for being not that abundant as those made by men.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that a woman's able to be more powerful in expression than men
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience excitation within and as the watching of bands playing live
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire beinga great music player, a great guitar player, in order to be respected by men that usually diss women in music
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be "influenced" by others comments towards female musical expression, specially coming from men, therefore challenging myself to ever desire becoming "better" than them.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire playing music in separation of myself trying to accomplish certain sounds that weren't part of my expression.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire being the woman on stage, being recognized and praised and liked by many

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire recognition from people towards myself as that which I have define me myself as, which is all that I now know I am not for real
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I could've been a good musician and that my dream is broken now
I forgiv emyself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the desire of becoming a musician
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration for not being able to play music fluently
I forgive myself that I havea accepted and allowed myself to be numbed by the pain I get in my skull whenever i play guitar for a while
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being inferior to women that are in music and that are able to express themselves within and as music
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to accept me as talented as what I perceive in other women in music
I forgive myself that I havent't accepted and allowe dmyself as expression in music as that which i perceive in other women
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be jealous of shannon wright because i perceive her as strong woman and talented and a great musician
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to take strenght as me as who I am, instead of being jealous about me perceiving someone else does
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience desire to be just like some other woman that I perceive as a real artist, talented and easy going within and as the music expression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect Shannon wright to the idea of ariam.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration within and as myself for not being able to express myself through guitar playing
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to other woman because of their physical features that match their perceived talent.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as regret for not applying myself more to music playing when i had the opportunity to do so.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be captivated by the self confidence I perceived in Shirley Manson
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowe dmyself to accept self confidence as me as that which i perceive Shirley Manson to have
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mesmerized by the powerful sexual behaviour I perceivein Shirley Manson
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be mesmerized by other female's expresion, deeming them as being too powerful, too superior for me to ever achieve that
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed me to desire achieving a higher state of "artistical expression" not realizing that I am all already, therefore there's no need to desire achieving anything anymore
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so influenced by women in music to form my own identity and perceived ideal standard of what and how I must be
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be and perceive myself as being inferior in terms to physical features to women i music
I forgive myself that i ever accepted and allowe dmyself to desire being in a band with men
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the desire of becoming a rockstar
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire being in a band in order to give joy to others while expressing myself through music

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being like Shirley manson
i forgive myself that I ever accepted and alowed myself to desire being like PJ harvey
I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being like Kim Gordon
I forgive myself that i ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being like Kim deal
I forgive myself that i ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being like gwen stefani
I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being like Shannon wright
I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being like Tori Amos
i forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being like Björk
I forgive myself taht i ever accepted and alowed myself to be like Fiona Apple
I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being like Beth Gibbons
I forgive myself that i ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being like Alanis MOrissette
I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed msyefl to desire being like Darcy from smashin pumpkins
I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being friends with John frusciante
I forgive myself that i ever accepted and alowed myself to desire being with johnny greenwood
I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be mesmerized by Thom Yorke's voice and personality
I forgive myself that I accepted and alloed myself to admire thom yorke's expression for considering him being coocoo and out of this world
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being like Thom Yorke because I wanted to be different, original, talented and perceived as an outcast, out of this world.
I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be restrained in my musical taste because of ariam's ideas/believes/perceptions on the music I liked
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be amazed by the flowing musicians experience while playing their instruments
I forgive myself for deeming myself as not knowing enough about music because i lack musical classic knowledge and information
I don't need to know about classical music to fulfill my perceived hue of musical genres to explore.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to mold myself into who and what I wanted myself to be as, taking parts of other artists personalities in order to make myself the closest alike to them
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire being an accomplished musician in order to gain respect within and as a female artist from men that usually diss female artists.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be hit by the usual discrimination towards females and female artists in general.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire, wanting, needing to be a renown, strong woman in order to make men see and realize that we are one and equal with them or even better.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience fulfillment whenever I saw woman gaining power over men
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to unconsciously desire women being better than men, gaining more recognition for our more extensive brain abilities than those of men
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that men are inferior to women
Men and women are one and equal to each other, not mattering brain capacities and ways of expression in this world.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem myself as a fan of women in music, because they could achieve something that i deemed as unreachable for a woman
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that women didn't have much recognition or power within the music scene and in the world.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take or copy parts of female musicians in order to experience myself as them, as strong and original and careless of rules as I perceived them to be
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire having their singing and playing skills
i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to desire having my hair just like shirley manson's or shannon wright
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to still paint my nails because i deem it as part of statement of being a woman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always be thankful for being a woman because i enjoy myself being a woman
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself tothink/believe/perceive that if i had been a boy i wouldn't be able to enjoy myself the same way I do now
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be amazed on the easyness i perceive these women have while they play instruments or express themselves through their voice
I forgive myself that i ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that i could never be able to sing well
I sing, I am me, I express myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to admire and desire being like female musicians because of their abnormal or irregular behavior and expression in life.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to remember of ariam while listening to shannon wright's song Steadfast and true
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowe dmyself to define me as milk for that garbage song that stated that i would wait for that someone in my life to make me go out of polarity manifestations of being hot and cool, strong and weak, etc.

I forgive myself that i ever accepted and allowed myself to like my sister's boyfriend enrique for him having more in common with me than with her because of musical tastes in common.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept anyone as my friend if they had similar musical tastes as me
I forgive myself that i ever accepted and allowed myself to admire ariam's expression within and as guitar playing
i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to be mesmerized by his expression within and as music
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to be and experience myself as being numb while listening to his music
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive I loved ariam because of his musical expression, and his musical recommendations to myself.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive that i was in love, when in fact, i was only deeming a group of feelings of recognition of one another as mutual admiration.
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to separate the act of admiration as something superior, not deeming it as seeing the other as one and equal with myself

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as melancholy while listening to music i used to listen to in the past
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire clinging to the past while listening to music i used to listen to
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to separate from my own likes and preferences within and as music because of ariam's judgments and opinions towards my particular likes and desire to listen to woman's music
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to also desire being like claire, the character in six feet under the series because of her crazy and unique personality I deemed as similar as mine
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as being a cool girl because of my wide range of music I listened to
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel goosebumps whenever i listen to certain songs i deemed as being my favorite ones
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to always look up to woman in music because of the stuff they said in their lyrics, being openly sexual and free in expression within and as words
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed msyelf enjoying the poetry in songs
I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to be impressed and exist within and as amazement while seeing the way women flowed and expressed themselves on stage

1 comentario:

Leila dijo...

pheeeew, nice list!