julio 01, 2008

love, sassyness and other past jokes

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem kissing as a beautiful expression of love

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to declare that "I love art"

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to declare that " I love music"

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to pity others that didn't have the opportunity to have a relationship of 'love'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that 'special people' in my life would be the ones that would change myself forever, change my perception opening myself to experience love and be loved

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define love as being with someone in a relationship in order to complete myself and be fulfilled existing together.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to yearn to be loved and have a relationship for long time in my past.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem relationships as being 'great experiences in life' therefore, thinking believing and perceiving that I must be grateful for having the 'opportunity' to experience myself within a relationship existing in 'love'

I forgive myself that I never accepted and allowed myself to accept the fact that I wanted a relationship in order to experience sex

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem sexual experiences as something beautiful and magnificent in existence that everyone should try.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that the key to this existence was love

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire figuring out the world within and as the love experience along with someone else to fulfill my own existence.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire being sexually fulfilled in order to know and experience what 'life' was supposed to 'really' be about.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as yearning of love, fantasies about love and relationships when i didnt' have them in order to keep me busy and picturing a future with the 'one' in my life

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I could actually learn from others

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to link the idea of love with a god

I forgive myself that I always accepted and allowed myself to have the idea of a man in my head in order to experience thoughts and emotional turmoil, therefore, having something to write about, think about and keep me occupied with.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to rejoice in the thought of that current man in my world.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to yearn to be kissed when I hadn't been kissed

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire existing within and as someone else's world as a person with whom they could experience love and a serious relationship.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever doubt the sentence 'love is suicide' in that smashing pumpkins song

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fantasize and yearn and imagine how would it be to be touched by certain beings I perceived myself as being 'in love' with.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire possessing someone I wanted and desired for, so I could feel loved back and protected and being corresponded in feelings and emotions deemed as 'love'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as hope and waiting for the perfect love to come to my life to fulfill me and make me experience life fully, not accepting and allowing me to experience life fully being alone and having no desire whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem guys as being shy and selfish for them not opening towards myself when I desired a relationship with them.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to ever experience fear of falling in love and not being corresponded

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to fear falling in love with someone who wasn't really in love with me as well, therefore existing within and as embarrassment for exposing myself and not being corresponded the same way as I 'expected' myself to be

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create 'a void' within myself for yearning and desiring to experience myself within and as a relationship with someone.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that the dullness and dread of present would make me go back to past times to experience something that I deemed as 'exciting' and 'interesting' over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look for and search for innocence existing only in my past, not realizing that I am innocence while existing within and as the breath of life, no mind involved

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear dying without having experienced love, being loved and loving someone back.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire walking with someone taken by the hands through crowded streets feeling the 'bliss of love' and being fulfilled

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the idea of being love to the idea of feeling eternity/being eternal in those moments.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place my motivation to keep going in life in separation of me, existing within and as the desire of someone coming into my life to be with me in a relationship of 'love' and 'sharing' lives together forever.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I needed to be 'saved' by someone who could love me back, and save me from my personal turmoil.

I forgive myself to ever accept and allow myself to desire people being sorry If I was gone/dead at some point in my life, for me thinking, believing and perceiving they didn't appreciate me as much as I wanted to be appreciated.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define experiencing the 'purity of life' while listening to music for first times in my life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always desire going back in past in order to remain 'pure' and 'innocent' therefore considering me as being corrupted and perverted as I grew older. I am purity I am innocence, I am corruption and I am perversion all as one and equal

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always desire feeling alive by having someone or something in separation of myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel sad about me not being complete by not having a relationship with someone in my life

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define love as the perfect moment of 'clicking' with someone, of meeting someone you're immediately attracted to, to the perfect meeting situation with someone you perceive yourself to be hooked on with.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define love as getting a smile back, hearing the words 'I love you' back.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to know I was fooling myself while existing within and as the belief of life being fair and I got what I deserved

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that suffering and grieving was a way to feel alive in this world

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always exist within and as doubt of my existence, of what I was supposed or meant to be doing in life, of feeling lost and confused in my life experience.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that tears were the pure expression of feelings and emotions indication of me being alive.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place trust in myself being alive within and as feelings and emotions.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my first kiss with A as being sacred moment in my life

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that that specific moment had created a burn in my heart, a mark that would endure for the rest of my life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I had a soulmate and that he could not let me down, that he would never abandon me and that he wouldn't ever be with anyone else.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that the purest love was the one that existed beyond words, beyond kissing, hugging or sex.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as anger, frustration and sadness whenever I found out men around me were gay.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always yearn for the time when I would 'settle down' with some man to live with my whole life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place hope and yearn on a future relationship with the 'man of my life' with whom I would be finally free and experience myself freely.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever feel sad and uncomfortable in my own skin.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to deem myself as being ugly and that no one would ever like me (lol)

I forgive myself that I always accepted and allowed myself to belittle myself while thinking believing and perceiving that 'I might have low-self esteem'

quotes from past

"Life will go on everyday just like yesterday and tomorrow will never end, and what is it worth? not a damn thing"

"Why do we need an obsession? why do we fall and rise around someone else? what is it that makes us feel good or dismal about life? someone else, and why is this so known, and why do we need to be with someone else? why do we need to be loved, to be there for someone, to know life's great when someone's at your side. Liers are everywhere, why lying about love?"

lol " Will I be living fully? Is this what I should be doing? Is this what I should be feeling? Is this intended to be written? And are my thoughts made for any reason? "

what a fuck up "Love is suffering and suffering is being alive, therefore I've been dead for far too long... What I need is what you wish would've never existed on earth"


"Don't try to break your soul, to refuse living hard times, to steal anyone's soul just to feed yourself, don't forget to exhale all the smoke in your mouth, don't force yourself to be something you are not and you won't ever be....Believe in the simplicity of life.... believe life is only a phase, not the path itself of existence, believe that there will be something else beyond your grave"2003


'"Life's tough and anyone can see that we are lost and thereby our hearts are being destroyed with madness and chaos, the chaos of our home, of our only 'god' of our souls dying in protest. We want all but believe in nothing, we want freedom but still we don't know how to handle ourselves. I feel sorry and I feel sad for everyone around me, each and every single person I've met, seen or thought of in my life. All of you, feel my pity and if this are my last thoughts on this earth, let me tell you, I've done nothing to save me either. We will all die someday, and my train of thought is leaving soon, so early... " may, 2003


The past brings you much joy to live it all the time, and it's that dullness of our present that makes us go back and search for our innocence,, that sight that I lost on the way here. Each day we lose a little bit of ourselves, a little bit of our time, our life, our spirit and somehow we keep walking towards the end. No matter how much we'd love to return, to stop, to make an even pause it's the path unwinding, life itself. The return to innocence.


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