julio 03, 2008

Book worms SF

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire reading as much books as I could possibly read in this lifetime because of my belief and perception that the 'truth of life' lied behind the pages of some book

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to buy books compulsively in order to keep me occupied in searching for that something in a book that could change my life forever

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive that I have favorite books which define who I am now

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to connect immediately the idea of book to the beat people

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to declare once that I wouldn't leave home without taking a book to read.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem books as my best friends

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire reading as many books as I could to become 'book wise'

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to define me as a 'book worm'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge authors according to the kind of books they wrote

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire meeting certain book writers because of the books I read from them.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link people to certain books that could define them within their life experiences.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire writing a book just to get me be famous within the 'literary world'

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being an intellectual and be part of the 'intelligent and reactionary' people in my world

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to a book character

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as wonder towards the life experience of certain writers because of the books they made

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to 'fall in love' with xavier velasco beause of the book he wrote and the way he expressed himself in his books.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me as being a fan of Kerouac's books and mind

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever desire having lived in Kerouac's time

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to ever imagine and picture myself living around Kerouac in a previous lifetime

I forgive myself that I always accepted and allowed me to wonder about previous lifetimes, not realizing that it isn't important anymore

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that my life could be a book someday

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe or perceive and exist within and as thoughts of wonder about me having been a 'special person' in a previous lifetime such as a musician, writer, artist, performer, actor/actress, dancer, whatever was in the public eye and having been recognized for

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed msyelf to ever desire writing a book and therefore, being recognized by many as who I was within the book and within the words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe in that thing a fortune teller told me that I would end up writing for a living in this life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem writing as 'not fulfilling enough' for me at some point in my life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever deem writing as something that anyone could do, therefore, not being a 'special enough' task for me to fulfill in this lifetime

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that i would get much recognition in my world according to astrological birth chart.. (more to come)

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience different feeligns and emotions according to the books I read, the stories I wrote and the images I created in my mind while reading books

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire being a book character and having their same life experiences because I deemed them as interesting, exciting and adventurous

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever desire experiencing an adventurous tumultuous life.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the words of a book therefore existing within and as the mind and not here as the breath of life in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that reading books would make me a wiser, intelligent person

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being an intellectual just to be part of the 'people who read and isn't part of the herd' not realizing that people who read and are deemed as intellectuals are a group defined and closed as well

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire or want an explanation of life I could take as mine coming from a writer in/through words in a book

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire studying literature just because I enjoyed reading very much and thought I would always dig and enjoy reading books.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get think believe or perceive that I got my life changed from reading books

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself for being part of 'those that read books' therefore existing within and as definitions of 'belonging' to certain kind of people, group.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that books contained that which I would never be able to be, therefore, wanting to read books was a way of not being myself but the writer as the book where I could exist creating my own images and ideas around the words read.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hide behind a book whenever I wanted to avoid people

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire having read same books as other people so we could 'comment' and 'discuss' the book and 'find more truth' about it within and as shared experiences and opinions on books

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to enjoy making a 'critique' of a book or cd or any piece of art.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that my opinions/judgments towards a book were somewhat always more accurate than others

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to devour books within and as the act of reading just to get to the next book and the next and so on because of the 'anxiety' I experienced to desire reading a lot.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire having read a lot because I wanted to create my 'philosophy of life' and my 'ideology' of life according to ideas and opinions and judgments I read on books and processed within myself to 'make them mine' and eventually, take those ideas as me, as who I perceived and created myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive I was shaped by certain books i read in my life, not realizing that I shaped me all the time.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become very excited the very first day of school in 'literature school' because I met my favorite author at that time that day, considering it a 'good luck' foretelling.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as sensations while reading book, existing in the mind, in the alternate imaginary word created in my head by words read in silence.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive taht by the time I was in my early 30's I would've read as many books as I needed to have an extensive cultural baggage and knowledge and wisdom taken from many people as books written.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire having an extensive cultural baggage so I could take that as my flag, as my shield in this world, as that which I could take as 'the definitive truth compelled through years of experience and reading'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to 'miss' reading a book

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to miss reading a book while going on the road to somewhere

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to still exist within and as memories of books I read.

I forgive myself that have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as the memory, and cherishing the moment when I first read the catcher in the rye

I forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to be completely haunted by chuck palahniuks books

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to enjoy Bukowski's bluntness and explicit writings because I deemed them as genious and hilarious


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I could spend my whole life reading books without a problem, not realizing that by doing that I would be taking useless knowledge and information living as the words of someone else in the mind, and not here with what's here within and as the breath of life.


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