julio 08, 2008

Coffee shop SF

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped within my house, not being able to express myself fully because I believe I must interact with my people in my family as the one I used to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I'm not able to be alone in a coffee shop as I am right now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I must go out of my house to escape from my family not realizing that I am not able to escape from them, only facing them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire, want and need to go to mexico city because of my perception of not being able to stand my family more than a week.

I forgive myself that I have acceptd and allowed myself to feel a bit nervous staying here being watched by other people while I'm here alone sipping coffee and smoking a cig

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sorry, self pity for not being able to go to SA and experience myself there, feeling 'left out' of everyone that is going

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel as if I'm 'losing myself' cutting all relationships that tied me to the old idea of who I was.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire looking as a foreigner so I don't get taken 'as a mexican'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'enjoy' when people asked where I came from, because then I would know I 'don't look so mexican' not realizing this is mere picture presentation value.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that foreigners are cooler/better than mexican people

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be here and perceive that I get along better with foreigners

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire leaving my country in order to live far away from my place, from who I was within my family and within my society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared of breaking all bonds with family because of my idea/belief/perception that I will lose self support and money therefore not being able to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to survive, not being able to stand by myself alone and take full responsibility from myself. I stand here, alone, no matter what I remain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to survive, not being able to stand by myself alone and take full responsibility for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortgable being watched or observed by other people around here: I am one and equal to people that observe and watch me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire going to europe to meet all the guys there because of my belief and perception that I get along better with them than anyone else therefore existing within and as separation towards people that aren't from desteni or another country

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I feel uncomfortable being sitting here in fear that I'm being judged .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being confused with a boy because of me having short hair. I am a boy and a girl in a girl's expression

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allwoed myself to feel dread or depressed every sunday fearing that I'm not able to stand this day because it means 'the end of weekend'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure because of being writing in a cafe, therefore not feeling 'alone' as I'm writing and 'doing something'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire protraying myself as a secure being within self, while in reality I felt insecure and fearing being observed and judged.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to stand and go through school and studying again, going back to school because of my belief and perception that It's useless and I won't give a damn about studying.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allwoed myself to think believe and perceive that I was a happy being before, not realizing that I was only giving my power away to other people with whom I experienced myself within and as relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and dull on sundays because I perceived that I would have to go back to 'reality' on mondays

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on internet to be able to be in desteni website frequently because of my belief and perception that I 'fit' there and that it's the only place where I'm able to express and experience myself in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire existing within and as the company of desteni people because of me believing and perceiving that they are the only ones that are able to understand me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive I must be understood, instead of just being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that going to SA would solve my life and process, or shorten it, not realizing that being there is being HERE and everywhere is here, same and equal -no difference in self experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive myself as sad because I won't be able to be going to SA this year

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place hope in being able to go to SA next year not realizing that I desire and hope is of the mind. I am here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that 'I belong' to desteni crew and people and that I will not stand living with 'normal people' not realizing that I must face myself as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to make it through school but at the same time fearing I won't be able to do something else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to stand all alone in this world and having to work in job in order to be able to sustain myself.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that in going to SA I would find where I need to apply myself specifically, not realizing that this is a process and I won't get answers from anywhere but me

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to create and exist within and as a desire of traveling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself to that which I doubt being able to endure through as me as who i perceived myself to be .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel resistance about going back to school in august because of me fearing having to do an apply myself in stuff that doesn't really matter any more to me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become angry and frustrated while watching how animals are killed without any mercy in those videos.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become fearful of food crisis I read in news today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'powerless' about doing something to stop, not realizing that all I must stop is the mind to stop creating the future

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as being dead for not reacting with any feelings and emotions towards music anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yawn and lose the breath of life

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that people suffer very much each day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped and enslaved not realizing it's only the mind which thinks and isn't free.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'unlucky' for having to live right here right now in this world having to endure its current situation in the conditions it is not realizing that every single on in existence must and is experiencing the same as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear someday not being able to go out of my city or my country.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped in my own trap

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own self deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself


I forgive myself that I have acceptd and allowed myself

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