julio 08, 2008

Friendly and niceness

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being friendly having as starting point the desire to be accepted and liked by everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being 'friendly' with anyone because of me desiring and wanting to 'fit in' anyone's lives so I wouldn't be tagged within a certain circle of people, therefore using the friendliness as a 'tool' or application to not be judged or limited and left out

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that being friendly was a nice quality of myself, not realizing that it implies desire of being accepted and liked by beings in my world

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define friendliness as being a tolerable person with all kinds of people even though I sometimes suppressed myself in means of defending my 'neutrality' as being a friendly person with everyone not standing as who I really am not mattering in hurting anyone's feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play being nice to my neighbors just so I'm not judged as a 'bad girl' or not polite

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being nice to all people so I get the same 'treat' back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place a smile on my face whenever I see anyone on the street I feel or perceive as being 'nice' as well

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a smile on my face towards a stranger or someone I relate to through certain situations (such as costumber/salesperson) to get a 'good treatment' to be liked and accepted and deemed as a 'good girl' therefore caring about being liked by every single being I can relate to in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever think believe and perceive that if everyone could be more friendly and nice this world could be a better place, not realizing that being friendly and nice hides fear of being hurt, judged and criticized .

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be 'too polite' and nice to people just because I wanted to get a 'nice treatment'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the polarity of being nice whenever I experience myself with bureaucratic people, because I deem them as being system workers

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to despise government and bureaucracy because of deeming them as lazy people that don't do their work effectively and accurate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that being hypocrite lies behind being nice and friendly to everyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deemed as angry or serious or pissed off if I'm not 'friendly' or 'nice' enough whenever I present myself towards anyone in my world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that people that present themselves as nice, get what they want more easily and 'fit' anywhere because that's what I learned from parents

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to copy my parents behavior towards all the people they know and how they related in any kind of social sphere with the same mask/behavior as being nice and open and friendly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to criticize my sisters and family whenever I see them being too hypocrite with people not realizing that I do the same thing while being nice and friendly to all people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that people that are nice and friendly are more appreciated and liked by anyone than someone that is quiet and serious

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that because I don't put a smile on my face I am being impolite or showing myself as angry or in a bad mood

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define a smile on my face as a state of being, as a mood

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever feel 'cool' by being appreciated as who I was defined as being a friendly, charismatic and joyful person

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I had to pull the 'positivity' out whenever I found myself in dull/sad/uncomfortable situations to cheer myself and everyone else up

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always think believe and perceive that I had to show myself as a 'bubbly' person, as a joyful person so I could make other people laugh and forget their troubles and sadness within them, not realizing that I was doing this to numb myself as well

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that being nice and friendly was something 'natural' to me, not realizing it is an acquired thing from patterns given by parents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping being nice to people because of all the definitions I have placed myself within while playing out being nice and friendly to all the people, therefore, fearing losing recognition of 'one of my qualities' I perceived myself to have

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'good' by being recognized as a 'cool, friendly and nice person' even though I reallly never liked being only tagged as being 'a nice person' because I deemed that as shallow and not being a real definition of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that there's a real definition of who I am. I am all as one as equal that's who I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that nice and friendly people were able to get to 'higher positions' in society as that which I have experienced myself while being recognized by many beings for me being participative and talkative person in school

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I needed to talk in class and participate to give the example to others to do the same, to not be portrayed as passive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem being silent as being passive

I forgive myself that I always accepted and allowed myself to let my mind direct me in moments when I felt I needed to express myself even though it was mere knowledge and information with no real meaning, just to place myself in a position of 'being in the class' wanting to be noticed by the teachers as someone that is participative in class

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire being liked and accepted by my teachers, being recognized for all that I perceived myself to be: as a responsible, good student person

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to criticize people that never put on a smile in their face deeming them as bitter sad or angry at themselves and at the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from people that don't talk too much and that remain silent most of the time, deeming them as 'troubled people' or fearful people while not knowing their real reasons of being silent and serious .

From now on I stop myself from being nice and polite to people just to be appreciated or showing that I appreciate them as well

I no longer define myself being nice and I will stop myself whenever I think believe or perceive that I need to put a smile on my face to be accepted and liked by others.

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