julio 01, 2008

¨Past music definitions

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel alive whenever I sang along my favorite songs

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my life according to the search of new music to listen to

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that my life was guided by music

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive, that all could be gone in my life, but music would always be here with me to keep me 'alive'


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tense my body whenever I experience or expect something to 'come' or arrive' whenever I'm awaiting for something to 'arrive' instead of being here as the breath, stable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'too lucky' for having met sonic youth's drummer steve

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive such thing as luck exists

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take sonic youth guys as being 'more' than who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as admiration towards any musician, not realizing I am one and equal to them, in every single way, I am them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever desire being in a band with my 'partner' just like kim gordon and thurston moore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my expression according to the music I was listening to, therefore allowing music to control my expression in the moment, instead of me being the directive principle in every moment as here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I'm not good enough at playing music

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the 'repetition' of the frustration that my father felt for not being able to become a musician to earn his living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for thinking, believing and perceiving that I wasn't born to play music, only to listen and appreciate it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be envious of woman in music that play 'great music'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that envy is who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that A. will always come along to the idea/concept of music, therefore still existing within and as a separation concept towards music and A.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link A. to the idea of music

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having not 'fulfilled' my father's expectations on me becoming a 'great guitar player' because I opted for painting and drawing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'ok' because I can still hear A's music through the window, therefore, knowing that he's ok and playing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other's music expression




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