julio 14, 2008

sf on past dream

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I had to say goodbye to R.M , ariam's mother, because we 'broke up' or separated and are friends or together no more

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience sadness and worry by dreaming that R.M and ariam were moving out of the block therefore me experiencing sadness of then truly feeling separated from him by not being able to listen to his music or see him from far anymore at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still care about his music and being able to listen to his music from far

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a bit of concern about his current life situation as it indicates being not such a nice life experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still hang on to the idea of ariam being with me, being part of me as who I am here in definition of a 'past lover or friend'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still define me according to that period of time I experienced myself with ariam as a relationship of all sorts

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place definitions onto myself created and told by ariam once we were together

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be defined as who i was for him in his life
and believe think and perceive I was those definitions within his life

I am not definable
I am not part of anyone's life

I am not part of someone's life experience

I am not there for anyone anymore in separation of me

I am not the support for anyone in separation of me


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing R.M. in fear she hates me for leaving her son

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear what RM may think of me instead of realizing that it is a judgment of the mind of a mother matrix system that isn't life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harbor still minimum hesitations on the decisions I've made in order to realize myself as all as one as equal as life
I am one and equal to RM
I am one and equal to ariam

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience sadness or me missing ariam in the dream by being told that he was gone and not to be ever seen again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allwoed myself to still fear losiing ariam completely

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to hesitate on giving death to who I was within and as the relationship with ariam, and fear the death of all that I was in those years of relationship

I am not the relationship with ariam, I do not fear giving death to what I was. I stop and I walk here as the breath no more looking and defining me as the past as the relationships I was. I am not relationships I am not the mind lingering to exist within memories and past definitions as experiences

I stop I do not fear losing ariam or anyone in this world because all is me, fearing losing is only an indication that separation exists of me as HERE as who I really am I stop separation

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience guilt and remorse inside thinking believing and perceiving that I am responsible for the situations that ariam is experiencing in his life right now

I am not responsible for ariam's feelings and emotions not now not ever

I am not responsible for his current life experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity ariam for his statements of self pity he writes in his nickname in msn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even care or react while reading such words of despair and self hatred

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel remorseful and guilt and wondering how I was able to stand this for such a long time and not stopping it all earlier

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I looped myself more than once around the idea/thought/perception and relationship with ariam

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to place me in a compromising situation within and as ariam's world, therefore, existing as a pillar for him to hold on to, not allowing him to realize himself alone as all one

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still wonder about ariam's life and how's he doing, not realizing that it is only the mind trying to hold on to past experiences as that which I used to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to past constructions of friendships and relationships and not completely deleting them from me as who i am here

I delete all memories related to who I was in the past within and as the ariam relationship or any other kind of relationship in the past. That is not who I am anymore

I do not hesitate to delete any feeling thought or emotion towards ariam as that which I used to be and express towards him in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive deep in my mind that I miss him. I do not miss him, otherwise I would be missing myself as who I am here

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to embrace myself as all as one as equal therefore still fearing other's reactions to my latest decisions in life that are directing me as all here, to no more exist within and as definitions of the mind as the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I did not pass the test in my dream, as I reacted in fear of loss, sadness and remorse of not being able to say a proper goodbye

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive deep in my mind I needed to such thing as 'proper goodbye'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that i am able to miss anyone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the relationship I had with ariam's mother as being part of their 'family' at some point

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept their idea of me being 'almost like from the family' therefore, compromising myself to exist within and as a relationship that was merely created by the relationship friendship I accepted and allowed myself to create with ariam

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that relationships are real and true

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire hiding from ariam's mother whenever I see her because of me feeling 'guilty' for leaving his son all lonely and sad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define any one else's experiences in separation of who I really am as all as one as equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of what i created, of what I established in the past. I face me, I direct myself, I no longer fear confronting what I have become

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as a commitment of the mind, of such nature that it was getting me deep into another family construct

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define this acceptance in their family as a cool thing, as a sign of them trusting me

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place unconditional trust on to others in separation of me, accepting me to exist within and as definitions as relationships that separate me from all as one as equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear reactions from people on my current life decisions as who I am here, not defining me as the past anymore.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to exist only HERE as the breath as the moment, free from all attachments and desires and thoughts of the mind as that which I perceived myself to be

I stop , I am here

No need to go anywhere, no need to miss no need to hide
or run from the past as the past doesn't exist in me anymore

I am Here, no more mind fucks

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