julio 16, 2008

this is also here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration and anger towards conversations I hear from this particular woman being in my house talking about money and shallow things

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowd myself to despise her for being too fucking greedy and shallow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I would like to shut that person up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience rage at her for the way she spends her shitloads of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to being writing here as a way of making it all go away, instead realizing that all that is here is for me to embrace

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and criticize people for talking about shallow things, about money and earthly possesions while they complain about having shitty lives

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide and not desire facing her at all in fear of presenting myself as too rude or serious towards her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever think believe and perceive that I was 'similar' to this woman because she is a white lighter worker

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to despise this woman now because I now know that white light and lightwork is mere bullshit and useless shit

I forgive myself that Ihave accepted and allowed myself to ever think believe and perceive that I had 'stuff inc ommon' with her such as the kabbalah and the tarot reading

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have some kind of relationship with her bcause she thought of me as bieng able to 'get myself' into the kind of stuff she studies and works on, all white lietgh deceit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration and anger at her for living in a pink world where only her and her little world exists, without realizing and facing the sadness and suffering in this world

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever place my trust in this woman thinking believing and perceiving that she was always 'right' and did 'the right' thing, never realizing what a fuck up family she's created

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to despise this woman for being too shallow and superficial

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in anger and frustration towards people that enjoy talking about hteir problems and their lives

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that she talks about money and being rich because she's really poor inside

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop some hatred ideas towards certain people in my world that live in opulence and only care about fucking material things instead of opening their eyes to what's really here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become pissed of at family and people because of them putting too much moneyh and attention on to material things specially for this wedding thing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity my sister for marring that guy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that my sister will suffer in that marriage having this woman as her mother in law

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to not desire being part of their family because of how they shallow, yuppies and superficial they are

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret and be ashamed of the way they spend money on what I perceive as being useless shit

I Forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that all that I'm writing here is me, and I must embrace me as who i have accepted and allowed myself to be and become

I am not this frustration and rage against rich blind people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place rich and religious people as inferior beings for needing something of power to 'create their lives'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of what these people, such as rich and religious, make of their lives in honoring and living for something outside of themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed because of my mother sort of participating with this woman in conversations of that kind

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see that all that is around me is here, including that woman

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that this woman will die and not make it into process, because she's way beyond being fucked up physically and within the idea/belief/thought she has become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as being 'polite' with this people so I don't get any complaints from parents or sister for being 'rude' to this people

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to embrace me as all that I am not realizing that everyone is a mirror of self here

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