julio 16, 2008

various topics

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I must do something in order to 'be productive'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire 'doing' something but then losing all meaning to do it, then, not doing it at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I lack self direction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the mind with regards of what is needed to be done' to 'be useful' and of 'substance' in this life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that others perceive me as being lazy for being in computer most of the time

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I have no other thing to do but to be in computer because it's there where I am 'learning' and applying myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on communication with others in chat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that then I am not alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I need no friends because of relying on people from the forum to communicate

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally take everyone as one and equal with me, therefore, still resisting to embrace some people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel useless

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist starting that painting

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lack self direction towards placing me on to paint

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hesitate on painting because of not having a 'proper place' to paint here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I can numb my self expression with thoughts feelings or emotions. Self expression as me here is constant, and I am self expression

I express myself no matter where I am with who or with what, I am constant

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going back to school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire remaining like this, no obligations or further requirements, just me here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire doing nothing and it being ok

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define existing, only breathing, as something that is related to being lazy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being considered as lazy

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to become sad whenever my father/mother said I was too lazy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that there's no point in painting or drawing anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that there's no point in doing anything anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire escaping from all responsibilities I've placed myself in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a giddy sensation whenever I think of school or going back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a giddy sensation within me when i think of having to face amanda once again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to just desire cutting all from root, to no longer be related to them in any waywhatsoever so I could finally break free from past, not realizing that I am able to do so in every moment of every breath while not existing in the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait until someone/something puts me 'in the right way' to move myself in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to sell myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to wear a 'mask' a 'suit' in order to be able to get into the matrix/system of the world and earn money for a living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject the idea of selling my 'self expression'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear no one wanting to buy my stuff

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to fear of my future within and as a 'working job' in order to survive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that I'm wasting my time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be uncomfortable within myself for only existing here as breath and typing, constantly thinking that I should 'go out' to the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself from the world in a way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be this without being on purpose

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I can't paint because I still got much to read in the forum and website

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to give me time for all instead of desiring getting 'it all done' for once and for all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always desire and want to get everything done in one session, the fastest possible so I can feel 'relieved' from that specific task, instead of enjoying every moment as me, without rushing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush as the rush of the mind, thinking believing and perceiving that everything needs to get done now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel uncomfortable for only complaining and not placing myself into real action

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only wander around and not place myself into the real action

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that self direction and self motivation is my weak point

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to do things unconditionally for me, here, in every moment, instead of desiring obtaining an immediate result/conclusion of whatever it is that I get done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being trapped in procrastination

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that procrastination is my doom which I constantly fight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself into self movement and self direction instead of wondering what i should 'better' do today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear painting because now it reminds me of school FUCK i knew this woould happen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I can't paint because it reminds me of school now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize I've created this feeling and connection within myself of painting -school that is holding me back from unconditionally expressing here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that if I paint something it will have to fit other's taste

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself back whenever I know that it's a painting that will be in house, hanged on living room's wall

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my family's and other people's judgments towards my paintings, being them good or bad, doesn't matter, but only their 'need' to say and criticize or judge it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself into a 'career' where I would make objects in order to be 'pleasant, liked/disliked/judged/analized' fuick

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that it was a fucked up choice as a career, not realizing that this world is completely fucked up in every single way and my occupation isn't bad at all

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally expressing myself not mattering whether it fits someones tastes or not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place expectations within myself of the outcome of a painting or drawing, instead of only expressing myself here in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place conditions as thoughts/ideas/beliefs and perceptions that are of the mind and work in a past tense

I do not accept and allow myself to 'guide' my expression through the mind, I do not accept and allowed myself to place conditions into what I do here and how i express myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejecting painting because it's a painting for family and I don't want to 'mess it up'

I forgive myself that Ihave accepted and allowed myself to conditon my expression when I know where that painting/drawing/whaetever is going to go

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed mysefl to give too much value and concern too much about such things as pictures and images

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust me unconditionally no matter how I express myself in any way every single mo ment.

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