julio 14, 2008

weak wickedness

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that this is the end of me as who i have accepted and allowed myself to be until now, thus meaning it is the end of all my ideas/pictures/thoughts/images/perceptions/tastes/preferences/attitudes/memories as who I perceived myself to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as weak whenever I put myself into a situation where I leave thoughts feelings and emotions to control myself instead of me directing the mind and stopping completely


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the weakness of the mind as me, not realizing that I am strength to go through this, face myself and move on beyond definitions of the mind

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the pain as uncomfortable as unbearable not realizing it is me all the way experiencing what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become within and as thoughts related to sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I must sort this pain out not realizing it is the starting point of sorting the pain out the one that's keeping me from facing myself here within and as self forgiveness to realize the sex system within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as being 'weak' when i see myself in a situation when I am able to experience sex, therefore thinking believing and perceiving that I am not able to stop myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that the 'impulsiveness' I perceived as me was real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the experience of myself as being an impulsive person, thinking believing and perceiving that it was mere instinctive reaction

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that instinctive reactions were pure and the real me, not realizing that instinct is the reaction of some thought feeling or emotion that triggers something within me as such, and therefore it does involve a mind relationship in order to express and manifest me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I had to give way to my 'instinct' and to my 'sexual instinct' which I deemed as then being 'thought less and pure' not realizing that sex always involves a system therefore there are thoughts associated with it as well

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to learn definitions of what sex is and how sex must be experienced through words and pictures of the mind, therefore lingering to those definitions in order for me to 'know' that what I experience is sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and define myself according to definitions of the past whenever I am doing something, instead of just living here boundless of any definitions or perceptions from that which I used to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependency on memories of my past to co exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that memories is who I am and therefore, play out myself according to memories of the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that memories were able to sustain myself to make me realize what I am here, not realizing that memories are the meal for the mind to exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still be playing the past as myself as manners, ways of speaking, thinking and reaction in certain situations, instead of unconditionally expressing me as who I am in every moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest pains within myself to realize what I am accepting and allowing to exist within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave for pictures and images and memories because that's how the mind feeds itself instead of unconditionally being here without the need and desire for any point of known reference

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be here, self intimacy as me instead of hiding and suppressing and thinking that I need someone else to test myself, to prove myself that a certain system exists still

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine seeing eyes everywhere specially in the clouds

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get controlled by an image and a picture hollographic manifestation of what is around me, not realizing that is not real and is not who I am here but what we are as for now as consciousness systems

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not give completely up the idea of my image and concept/idea of myself towards people outside of my immediate world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I should say goodbye to people instead of being hiding around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having compromised myself with the parents of my friends, wondering, every now and then, what they must be thinking about me and wondering why I don't hang out with their son(s) anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what the parents of my ex friends think or perceive about me anymore

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being liked and accepted by my friends parents so they could accept me freely in their houses

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play 'the nice girl' and 'responsible girl' in front of them because that's how 'I worked' being nice to people so they could unconditionally accept me and like me and allowed me to hang out with their sons without any hesitation

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to condition my expression in order to fit into someone else's taste

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire showing my art back then to get the approval of people towards it, because I didn't trust my self expression

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I could write a book that had nothing to do with me, never realizing that all I write is me in every single way

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire alienating myself from everyone else, so I could be like no one else, to not be understood and remain in 'mystery'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire creating myself as a mysterious person not realizing that in deed i wanted to hide myself within and as ideas/beliefs/perceptions of who I was in that moment

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with my thoughts as separate from me, thinking that I could have conversations within my head as separate from me

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to give myself time and space to breath and then respond to a certain question or query that pops in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always rush into conclusions instead of allowing myself to see the whole and then answer or place my opinion about it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I need confirmation or reassurance of what I say to keep going, not realizing it is a matter of self trust

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to depend on illusions of the mind in separation of myself, not realizing that illusions don't last and aren't here per se, but only a momentarily application as who we think we are for now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to the picture presentation projection in the mirror as I place myself in front of one

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my growth according to pictures as memories of the moments in my past when I was younger and went on developing until now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define others around me according to their picture presentation projection, taking them as separate from me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think in pictures

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use imagination as an escaping point for me to not live what is Here, therefore, being up in the mind and not here as the breath as the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define enjoyment as going out for a ride in my bike, not realizing that I am enjoy in every moment of every breath, not as a separate moment when I ridebike

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define enjoy according to what mind thinks it's enjoyable, not as me here in every moment of every breath

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as the illusion and creation of words and pictures inside my head instead of focusing on what is here as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as weak within and as the situation where I have the opportunity to experience sex, fearing 'failing/falling' for it and not being able to direct myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define weakness as wickedness of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire avoiding moments so i don't have to put myself into a hesitation situation, into 'trouble' therefore I'd rather remain 'in peace' not realizing that I'm not wanting to face myself in every single moment, hiding is not the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire hiding from my self and my own nature because of fear of not being able to control me, fearing falling once again in the same spot, therefore, resisting looping again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist my own nature instead of facing me, taking self responsibility of who I am and what I have become in order to transcend myself within definitions of how I used to react/act/respond to a certain situation in my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I have to play out my past because I haven't been able to conceal the past yet

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing me and having to stop myself and all the emotions feelings that may come up as thoughts within my head in a certain situation because it is not who I am, no matter how I used to define myself as enjoying all that turmoil inside myself as me. It is not who I am in any way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at myself because of not being able to sort out myself Here, instead thinking and looping inside myself to find what is here but I suppress while being on the mind

I am here, I breath I direct and I see what's here as me, I am responsible for each and every single moment of me here

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