agosto 26, 2008

dreams and repression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as denial of the reality of this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come up with sexual desires towards masturbation through dreams

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aroused in my dream by watching a 'video' in my dream that would spark up the desire of masturbation within myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress inner desires to masturbate and therefore, creating an experience in a dream for me to realize where am I still finding images and pictures arousing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aroused by the image of a powerful older black man that looked like a stud, strong enough to satisfy various women

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become aroused by the image and picture in my dream of me watching the video of this man just dancing in the street with 'beautiful' women as a fore play to get sex

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become aroused by seeing this man and defining him as powerful in sex just by his attitude and physical appearance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to confront myself in an opportunity to have sex again and not being able to say no

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an image a picture to which I could masturbate to, without even needing to the see the sexual act in itself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my dream desire replaying the video to get myself even more aroused by these images of the man dancing with many women along

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that dancing in couples is always a foreplay or another manifestation similar to sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be condemning my sexual expression because of not wanting to 'fall' again into the sex system

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react arousing to seeing pictures of that which I deem a strong, powerful in sex man that is able to 'satisfy' a woman properly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find black men as powerful and energetically charged towards sexual activities

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become flabbergasted that time I watched the movie 8mm and seeing the size of the penis of a black man in the movie

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become shocked when watching the movie 8mm for the portrayal of sexual perversions and experiences of other humans that are used to make money and films out of it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become shocked when seeing what a 'snuff' movie was in the movie

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become disgusted by the perversions that exist in this world towards sexual manifestations and practices of this world

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel attracted to the idea of violence in sex

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think of movies and pictures as ideal to get anyone going arousing towards having sex or masturbation

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be and become horny when seeing two males kissing and touching each other on tv

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by pictures and movies in the tv

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use pictures and movies in tv or internet in dreams or in real life to experience an excitement within me towards masturbation or desiring experiencing sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be thinking how long I have been and experiencing myself without sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare the new practicality of sex with that which I used to experience when I was sexually active

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me as having been sexually active

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become aroused by the thought of my experiences with men in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remember the times I had sex and that I defined as 'memorable times' because of how I perceived it to be 'really good'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever think of and desire to please the other as much as pleasing me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my desires for sex therefore, getting memories as pictures and thoughts inside my mind in order to 'remember' what sex was in my life

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that sex was an 'important' thing in my life.

I forgive myself that I didn't accept and allow myself to see that the desire for experiencing sex or masturbation is merely but a system running inside me, therefore, not who I am in any way whatsoever.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be intimate with myself and not requiring any external influence such as pictures or memories to make me aroused and experience myself as self expression through masturbation or sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear falling again for the sex system

I do not accept and allow myself to think believe or perceive that after some time, I require sex

I do not require sex, I do not require an orgasm

I do not require any images or pictures to 'turn me on' in order to experience myself

I am HERE, I direct me in self honesty in every moment, I do not accept and allow myself to be directed by the mind and trying to make me fall again for sex

I do not accept and allow myself to be yearning for the experience of sex with someone in oneness and equality as self expression

I do not accept and allow myself to experience myself as waiting for a moment when I will be able to do this

I do not accept and allow myself to be concerned about the sex system and the experience of myself.

I do not accept and allow myself to be directed and dominated as thoughts of sex within the mind

I STOP

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