agosto 04, 2008

lacking movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I'm lacking self movement today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel myself as being 'worried' or 'preoccupied' following old patterns of how I would feel whenever vacations were about to be over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist moving myself today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire escaping from my responsability, which is school, in order to be 'free from the system' not realizing that freedom doesn't exist until I am completely aware of each moment of breath here, instead of being within and as thoughts of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I don't want to go back to big city because it's too polluted and noisy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being able to 'skip' time in order to free myself from school duties.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire escaping from what I chose/decided for myself in the first place.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that school will keep me 'trapped' in system, instead of realizing I'm here, in every single moment of every breath, doesn't matter where I am or what I do. I am here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to 'go back' to past definition of myself as who all classmates 'knew me' like and how I defined myself as a student there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that school will only keep me enslaved and making me waste time instead of actively participating in that which matters in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within and as self movement

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that I should stop studying and wasting money/time there

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I'm able to get rid of such respnsabilities as easy as that.

I don't know...

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to get another roommate this semester because my actual one is leaving soon.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be concerned about father paying my living there when I don't even care about it anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I could do something of 'much more benefit' than studying art.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still have a 'purpose' in life, being it to serve oneness and equality or assisting and supporting other beings as me.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to be and remain stable in every breath, and instead, be up in the mind thinking about the near future of going back to school and the subjects and the teachers and the work, etc, not realizing that I am here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make 'such a big deal' out of going back to school, not realizing that I have to walk through everything and all that has already been placed and breathe through it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am down and I am depressed/sad because of not wanting to go back to school.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always having played the same pattern of being sad/anguished/preoccupied of me going back to school, instead of realizing I am here, I stand and take responsability for all that I've done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire avoiding my duty/responsability as going to school, because I see it as a 'waste of time' and an unnecessary indulgence in the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that going to school is a waste of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I will soon be left without any support from family because of how they perceive me recently

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no support from family to live and continue living the way I've done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hang on to the current place I live in, not realizing, all will change and all will end inevitably

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only place that which I believe must 'go' first, and desire keeping that which I deem as of my 'benefit' not realizing this is plain deception.

I stand as all as one as equal no matter what, no matter what I must give up, no matter what I must leave, no matter what I must 'lose'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my stuff because of how I've defined myself according to that furniture and stuff in my apartment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to my apartment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become preoccupied that parents won't support me in my future decisions, therefore, I will have to face myself within and as the decisions I make beyond their expectations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking responsability for each and every single decision I make

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive me as tired today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive I'm able to get/be tired, not realizing tiredness is of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that it won't be easy the next months, not realizing what I'm creating and producing by wanting to project myself into the future that is all here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I'm perceived as being a parasite, a lazy person, because I spend too much time in front of pc

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that by getting back to school, I will miss much of the current stuff I do now, and that I will not have 'enough' time for it all, not realizing I direct myself to get everything done, to do all I have to do and is required, taking responsability for what I am and who I've decided that I would be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall asleep while writing and breathing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being shakti because of seeing her sleeping and resting in her bed cozy and comfortable

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