agosto 27, 2008

school sf

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stop the mind whenever I know I'm indulging in it therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my reality, my world according to thoughts and projections of who I experience and perceive myself to be as the mind in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as thoughts and feelings that create a turmoil inside me not allowing me to simply be here and go through school, go through life without participating in the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up school because of being directed by the mind

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that I must give up my mind in order to go through school and what is required to be done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as lost of who I really am by existing in confusion within and as the mind by allowing me be directed by it, instead of me directing myself as here as the mind, one and equal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame school for my current situation not realizing I am creating my experience in it in every single moment

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to completely stop all thoughts and feelings towards my experience of this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be affected by the nonsense of this world created by ourselves through the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be affected by what others believe or perceive myself to be at this moment now that I've changed my point of view towards what I do and what I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel in dismay for not being able to sort myself out and realize what I have to go through this no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by thoughts and ideas of others discouraging me to keep going with what I'm required to do which is to study

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to flirt around the idea of dropping out because I perceive it to be useless and a waste of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist having to read theories and knowledge and allow myself to be affected by it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being screwing myself immensely by not doing what I have to do in the best possible way, meaning, not being affected by it and breathe through it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be less than who I really am by existing within and as thoughts of powerlessness and hopelessness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad by having to be and experience that which I do not want to experience not realizing we all have to go through our own creation equally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire not having to go through this not realizing, we all have to face what we've done and placed and created for ourselves, there's no way out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire escaping from my responsibility which is to study

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem study and university as something stupid, a waste of time and money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear betraying myself as who I really am by participating in such systems as school

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realized that I've already betrayed life for all my existince by thinking/believing and perceiving I am the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire going out of school to be and dedicate myself fully to makes something of 'worth' for myself and for others as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still desire 'doing something' of worth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the moment I chose to study to 'become an artist'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go against the 'becoming an artist' deal, therefore, placing myself in a non-embracing way of what I am and what I am doing at school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only study to please my parents to get a title that says that I am a licensed artist

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stand equally to my creation,therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be affected and exist in inner conflict by having to go through this and knowing that there's no way out

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret ever wanting to be 'someone' by becoming an 'artist' not realizing I already AM here, I do not have to be or become anything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid by going to school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a sheep by going to school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel trapped, constricted and enslaved by having to go through school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become influenced, altered as who I really am because of knowledge and information that I require to read and discuss at school, therefore, not being one and equal to the information and words and instead, denying and criticizing it all the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be here in the moment as the breath whenever I'm experiencing myself in classroom and instead, going criticizing and judging every single moment I see dishonesty, not realizing, school is dishonesty in first place

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire not 'spoiling' myself by being in school not realizing, I have the ability to stop the mind, therefore, to not be influenced by anything or anyone around me as me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be counting off weeks for this to be over

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become influenced, directed by the mind towards my experience at school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see no point in going to school considering I have no interest or desire to be an artist anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad by losing that which I always wanted to be 'an artist' because of it being a constricted and limited definition towards who I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move to the polarity of not wanting to be an artist, therefore, seeing no point in studying anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose myself within thoughts and complains and ranting as the mind of my current experience

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of this situation such a big deal, not realizing I am only giving power away to the situation instead, of stopping all thoughts/feelings and emotions related to this situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to begin despising myself while being in school because of knowing I am deceiving myself by being there

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to 'who I am at school' instead of being constant no matter where I am and with who I am, I am here, I am constant, I do not accept and allow myself to be influenced by any external or internal manifestation as thoughts, feelings and emotions as the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to despise people at school as well not realizing that they are merely reflecting me back to me as who I was and who I perceived myself to be in the past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to change who I am by still being in the past placement of myself in school, not realizing I am able to change me no matter where I am, no matter with who I am, I am here, I am constant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose all meaning to expressing myself through art as they are merely images and projections of the mind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'lost' because of being somewhere where I do not want or wish to experience myself in anymore, though having no option but to keep being there and breathing through it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eject myself from school and what it entails because of still being affected by what goes on in my mind while being at school.

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that school will be but a moment in my life, and that will be it

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear convincing me within self forgiveness to keep going to school, knowing before hand that school is deception and control and manipulation, but then, what isn't it in this world?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge and reject myself within this situation not realizing that everyone in this world has to go through our own created world to experience ourselves in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever be part of it actively through and as my mind wanting and desiring to study and be or become and artist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand in every moment as who I really am and instead, indulge myself within and as the mind and allow me to be directed within my experience here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt of my capacity to stop the mind while being at school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to 'make it through' because of not being able to bare myself as being dishonest with myself as who I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being at my location point towards changing myself in this world as who I really am because of still being locked in school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined as a student

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create such a disempowering existence of myself when being at school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being feeding the 'hate' towards my experience at school instead of standing one and equal to it, meaning, no feelings, no thoughts no emotions and just breathing through it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame school for being the reason of experiencing a headache not realizing, I create myself and my experience and nothing/no one is able to influence me if I stop

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to completely STOP within myself, to clear myself from any mind influence while going through school.

I stop

I do not accept and allow myself to indulge in the mind anymore through thoughts, feelings and emotions towards my current situation going through school

I do not accept anything less than who I really am by diminishing myself by having to go through school

I do not accept and allow myself to feel powerless by having to go through school

I do not accept and allow myself to resist having to go through school

I do not accept and allow myself to doubt of my effectiveness within these statements because of not being sure I will be able to live the words I speak about standing going through school.

I do not accept and allow myself to wallow in thoughts of the mind because of seeing it as 'too much' to go through which I am not willing to go through at the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire giving up on school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive that I won't finish school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel completely ruined by having to learn and study and keep knowledge and information that is dishonest and useless in every single way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that there's no sense in still being there considering I do not want to realize myself as an 'artist'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to damn the time I chose to be an 'artist'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid and useless while doing something such as an image because of it being meaningless to what I really am here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to my own creations

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the experience of myself as creating

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and define school as simply just a waste of time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist doing homeworks because of having to read many useless knowledge and information

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that I waste time in school instead of being writing and being here for myself as myself not having to endure useless classes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge teacher for the knowledge and information they give us

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as others for being attending to school and going there only for a grade and a paper

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny that I will ever get something of practical use at that school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in school my whole life

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire getting much knowledge and information to be 'well educated' never realizing this was merely mind job

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire coming here just to be able to get away from family and be different from my sisters

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive I enjoyed school in the past

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being famous, something of 'importance' in this world never realizing all was ego driven

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to face what I've become what I've created for myself by myself in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire giving it all up because of seeing no point in anything anymore.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to cage myself within the limitations of the mind

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