agosto 12, 2008

traffic is bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define traffic as 'bad'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist going out because of having to experience the heavy traffic of city

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become desperate by the slow traffic I was into today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become sad by seeing and realizing really no ones enjoy life for real

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as sadness and the feeling of 'hopelessness' while seeing kid's 'sad' faces in the street

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and pretend every thing's ok while I'm seeing no one's particularly having 'the time of their life' in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see misery everywhere

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be one and equal to misery today

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be one and equal to sadness today

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be one and equal to hopelessness today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be one and equal to the experience of claustrophobia while riding with so many in a bus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel asphyxiated by the heat and all the people around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see sadness in everyone's faces

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become discouraged by seeing how dishonesty floods all around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become sad by seeing how many christians are around here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people believing in christ and that go to church

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge people that have faith in something outside/separate from themselves instead of trusting themselves as here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be one and equal to the feeling of being discouraged from keep going on

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become sad because of seeing how people go through hell every single day of their lives

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire stopping my own experience amongst them by thinking: I can't bare this any longer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a complete slave by going in public transportation with many many people one against each other

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in pain by knowing that people go through this several times a day and for even larger amounts of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having 'filled' my life with vain entertainment and wonders in the mind that 'kept me going' not mattering all the stuff I have to go through

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having 'kept going' in life because of 'solving' it by smoking weed or having relationships and entertainment

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see life in this world as nice because of all that 'i have' all those that 'care about me' and all that 'i will be' not realizing, none of that actually really exists

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that people only keep going this way for money and sex

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be studying to become 'someone' with a college degree

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself as being more 'worthy' or 'of value' by having a fucking college degree

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerless and completely sad by seeing how the world works around me every single day

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be doing this and be going through this just for a fucking college degree

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire separating myself from having to experience this in my life, not realizing I did this to myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to 'give up' before I've even started

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad by seeing how people are not enjoying life at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react at people's faces in 'disgust' by seeing the packed bus where I was into, therefore, feeling like a slave

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am not a slave, not realizing that everyone in this world is a slave in one way or another

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire not going to school anymore but at the same time fearing what I'll do then

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel discouraged by seeing that this school isn't what I thought it would be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having hidden the truth of school to parents, meaning, telling them it never was up to my expectations

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make my 'living' in mexico city quite nicer because I was able to smoke all day and be high and 'get through it' while having this as 'remedy'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give meaning and value to studying a career in order to get a paper that says I'm a licensed art someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire dropping off right away

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret making decisions without knowing what and where I was really placing myself into

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be thinking of dropping it all off

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my being HERE but still allowing me be affected by the environment that is around me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dislike having to go out from home into the city to buy stuff because of long distances and traffic and too much pollution

I forgive myself that ever accepted and allowed myself to 'stand' what I've stand here for 2 years because of thinking that 'if others could do it, I could do it too ' not realizing that these people are also having 'the bunch remedy' as well

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to be living in dishonesty by being somewhere I can't be enjoying myself completely because of what it entails

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire coming to study to mexico city, not fully realizing the population, traffic and levels of pollution here, that not even breathing is cool

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel 'proud' of getting into national arts school

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being 'someone known' inside school, therefore, getting to be 'friends' with people to make 'contacts'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like ranting today, because of what I experienced so far here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a sheep by going to school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a student, to accept and allow myself to submit to a program, a school system that is trying to get me to 'be' an artist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lame about this

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be seen as 'cool' for leaving home and studying in mexico city in art school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to repent from taking decisions because of being ignorant of what this world really is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think constantly 'I will not make it' defining 'making it' as finishing school up to the last degree and getting the paper.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for wanting to give up on this school thing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a slave by choice, by placing me in this world, in this system and in this particular situation never fully realizing what I was delving into.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still doubt about having stuff of 'value' in my room wondering what would happen if all would be lost, would i miss anything?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss shakti

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