septiembre 26, 2008

Let's just be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel alone on friday afternoon

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat out of boredom

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remember leonardo and the times we used to be together every friday afternoon drinking coffee and strolling around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel loneliness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward in my own physical body today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I need a purpose to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience confrontation with 'mother' because of her fearing me going to SA next year

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire listening to A's music

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a stranger in the city, in the world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that just being sitting watching a movie is a 'waste of time'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not doing all I have to do to be effective in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a bit sad because of not having someone to talk with, to really communicate with but myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss 'old friends' because at least I could talk with them about my stuff

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I ever really communicated and was intimate with friends

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try to ignore passing in front of a's house and realizing that I am deliberately ignoring him. I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still look up his window

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as 'sadness' without realizing that it is but a perception of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place trust in anything outside separate from me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place hope and concern in getting money to go to SA next year

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire listening to his music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that because we both are alone, we should be together

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to respond to my mind's wondering about A

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel I am wasting my time extensively

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I am wasting myself at the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lose the meaning of creating something like art

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fill my life with little 'must do's' and unimportant things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to worry about money for a future moment to be able to go to SA

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel special for being in private forum not realizing that I got myself in there and I am applying and that's it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'too far away' from people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my 'mother' saying that I am isolating myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not even imagine me being with someone intimate again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to 'mother's' perception of me never getting married.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel discontent with myself at the moment, it is but a moment and it is because I'm not here but going up in the mind wondering about my past

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remember leonardo while walking the same road we used to take to go to the cafe

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire knowing what past friends are currently up to.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to depend on the existence of those 'friends' to exist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that others are having 'much more fun' than me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget who I really am and sink in mind thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I exist here alone as myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that i cannot possibly spend my life alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel awkward with regards to the physical body I exist within and as

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deem impossible to be with someone whom I can absolutely be intimate and communicate with in the same way.

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