septiembre 07, 2008

Power fight , envy, mind power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret having gotten into a 'discussion' with cousin for a few moments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire 'proving that cousin is wrong' from her theory- academic perspective of what psychology is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as regret for losing my focus in that moment and reacting in wanting to place 'my truth' over 'her truth' which I deem as 'the one' and 'what is right'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enter and participate in a brief fight for power in that moment where I argued with R. about one psychology therapy

I forgive myself that I had always accepted and allowed myself to fear getting into a fight with R. because of how 'total' she is and how brutally temperamental she may get when her 'point of view' is being discussed

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always confront myself with people that hold their 'truth' as unmovable and unchangeable as I not realizing, I was merely fighting against myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I was merely trying to ditch out the academy but in that, also ditching out her opinions and thoughts on the topic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself as being 'fired up' the moment I see my point of view being discussed and wanted to be teared apart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I had to stop R. from confusing A in the opening up to process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want A to get any external influences such as theories in the current introducing to self forgiveness process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having existed in a constant and continuous rivalry with R. in terms of who is the one with the 'truth'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as guilty for having immediately debated her point of view instead of accepting her point of view and then, seeing in Self Honesty what I could say or not say

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to immediately want to STOP her point of view as I knew it was coming from personal judgment and not from practical application in self honesty at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I 'own' the truth in any way whatsoever by talking of oneness and equality and process of self honesty

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to regret getting into a small verbal fight with R. making her leave the room

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in guilt and remorse because I know I reacted to her comments instead of unconditionally stopping for a moment and allowing her to express herself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the imperative desire of shutting up people with perceived 'big egos' and showing themselves off as having all the truth

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I should shut myself up in the first place for thinking and believing and perceiving people as that when in fact, it could be only but a self definition as the perception of myself in that moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get annoyed by people that won't HEAR

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and get frustrated by people that aren't willing to HEAR a different perspective of what they hold so dearly as their 'truth' based on books and others' knowledge and information


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire not having fought with R because I need her 'help' right in this moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to frequently feel as being 'envied' by R. because of the past situations we went through

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still keep 'memories' of the relationship I had with R. where it all was a fight of power

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having always being 'right' and having the 'truth' and not allowing myself to HEAR others' views and opinions as well

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose myself on to others in means of having 'only one way' and not hearing others' opinions and points of view on the same matter

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become angry, pissed off by seeing how R. reacted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the experience of myself while arguing with R as 'stupid' and 'pointless' and an 'ego fight'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire shutting up a blabbering ego on knowledge and information according to a personal perception of the facts, instead of speaking in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now be and exist within and as judgment towards people that pretend to know 'all the real truth' not realizing that in the past experience of myself, I reacted this way, I was this way.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge and information as a definition of myself towards others

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge and information as the definition of myself as a 'protection' of myself against others' thoughts and perceptions on the same topic

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge and information as a shield in a 'power battle' against another trying to prove me wrong

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel attacked or affected when someone debates my point of view and when someone tries to 'prove me wrong'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take everything too 'personally' at times instead of realizing what is speaking and to what is speaking - mind - instead of seeing everything in self honesty here, in the moment taking every participant into consideration

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react immediately towards R. wanting her to STOP because of fear of her confusing A. on what I had already explained her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that R. influences A on her process with her bunch of psychology theories that may only mislead her with self forgiveness application

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see R as a manifestation of the same situation her mo ther and my mother have lived therefore, repeating patterns of 'hate' towards the 'sister' in desire of being the 'pretty one, the liked one, the right one, the intelligent' one

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as friction with this particular person such as R. for most of our lives hiding it behind a so called 'friendship' as cousins but really, competing against other the whole time

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel threatened by power games with R.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I could not battle against R. because I perceived her as cruel and relentless, and me as vulnerable girl

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to experience extensive suffering about my relationship with R. because of what she would be talking about me with others, and therefore, affecting how others would perceive me as well

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to get to 'hate' in a way R.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of R's fury and anger towards myself

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to fear R's envy and comparison she always created towards myself

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to desire being the 'center point' of family and leaving her behind

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see R as inferior to myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge R as being frustrated with her life, hence the way she is acting towards myself and everyone around her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive R. as being completely resented with her own life therefore, her attitude as wanting to be right all time and imposing her ideas, beliefs and perceptions on to people

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire shutting her up in moments where she would only speak out words that could 'harm' me

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be affected, harm or be attacked by R and her words towards myself

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive R as a mean person

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated by her way of speaking, not allowing me to talk and express myself because of talking to fast and raising the voice everytime I tried to make an intervention

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that she merely wanted to 'sink' me because of me getting 'more attention' and being 'liked' and appreciated by her own parents placing me as an example to follow

I forgive myself that I as R's parents, accepted and allowed ourselves to place marlen as an example to follow to R.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever think, believe and perceive that R was my best friend and my favorite cousin

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to criticize A's way of life and actions instead of seeing the core of such manifestations within her and the reasons for them to develop

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as past resentment towards R for all that she 'did on to me' and making me feel 'miserable' at some point in the past of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive R. as being a stubborn

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that everyone that holds science and theories as their 'truth' is dumb and won't make it without their mind

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to judge anyone's believes perceptions and ideas of life and on a certain topic because of how I deem and perceive that it isn't of any worth anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pity R and her reactions towards anything or anyone that tries to debate herself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that R is still in a battle against trying to prove me wrong and 'sink me'

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel R. as being a threat to my life, therefore, existing in constant and continuous fear of what she could do or say about me

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to give worth and value to what anyone outside separate from me could say or think about me therefore, being and existing within and as fear of envy feelings towards myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself according to the envy feelings and experiences I had in my past coming from other people

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel envied by most of people because of how I would develop myself at school and in my house

I forgive myself that i ever accepted and allowed myself to consider myself as a 'special' person because of the way i could develop myself in school and having a rather fast understanding most of the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive myself as being 'gifted' with much understanding, not realizing that understanding knowledge and information isn't the deal, but it's all about placing it into application and living it in every moment of every breath here

i forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to give myself and place value and worth to myself according to the amount and quality of information and knowledge I possessed in the mind as the mind

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to consider myself as special from the starting point of the mind's perspective

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that only I could be of worth and value and having a 'status' within my world If I continued developing my mind as knowledge and information

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feel 'flattered' when anyone defined me as being 'intelligent'

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive myself as being 'intelligent'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as separation from every one because of what I posses as knowledge and information in and as the mind, instead of realizing that knowledge and information is completely useless if it's not placed into application as me as who I really am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as resistance to call R. up and ask her that big favour about drying my clothes in her house

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear rejection or hypocresy coming from her

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to realize that most of what we were in the past was having the enemy as a friend to be 'safe' about it

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to deem and define R as being the enemy, as being the one I would have to 'take care of'

I forgive myself tha ti haven't accepted and alowed myself to realize that I am still holding back because of past deeds and situations experienced with R that isn't allowing me to direct myself to ask her for a favour

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like an hipocrite asking her for a favour, not realizing that If I in fact do not move myself and quit all the guilt and remorse, I will remain with the uncertainty of how my 'relationship' currently is with R.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and exist within and as a complete ofuscation towards the situation not realizing that it is a resistance, therefore, entails a transcendence point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being rejected by R. not realizing that in fact, I only have to dial the number and ask her and if she's able to do so cool, if not, cool as well

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to confront R again if I do see her again because of our last experience being together wasn't 'nice' from the persepctive of having a 'verbal fight' on wanting to proove wrong one to the other

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to delve into those 'fights'

I forgive myself thati have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I must answer back quickly because, otherwise, it means that I'm not paying attention and that I can't 'think' fast enough

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mind as an 'indicator' of how 'fast' I could be in expressing and disregarding anyone's point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceivd that I could get more affected and harmed if I talk once again with R and she's not willing to do the favour to me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight, in a subtle way, for power over someone's ideas, beliefs and perceptions of this world.

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