octubre 07, 2008

Eli tist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having created a personality for myself according to how I wanted to be perceived/defined by others, and therefore, treat me and consider me accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever buy things for my own visual pleasure and also to get, later on, recognition from others by perceiving those things as 'beautiful'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want recognition from others towards that which I own as myself or objects or anything else

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to always desire being 'different' by owning 'special clothes' and stuff that not so many could find

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be and become pissed off anytime anyone would copy anything to me, because of wanting to preserve my apparent 'authenticity' and 'uniqueness'

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see who I am behind this wanting and needing for recognition

I see i've got dark circle around my eyes, quite a long time since I haven't had that and I Know why is that, being 'challenged' by someone in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become used to 'being the best' at everything and in thinking, believing and perceiving so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'challenged' when facing myself with someone else who I deem as being 'better than me'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever participate in competitions, in comparison towards others in means of 'winning' of 'being the best'

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still perceive me as being 'special' and having luck in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny my arrogance towards people when I deemed them as 'stupid' or 'non worthy' according to past definitions and considerations towards others as myself

I forgive myself that I have always accepted and allowed myself to make sure I'm 'the best' to make sure that no one else is ahead of me mainly at school

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge others and their application at school according to their abilities and skills and comparing them to myself constantly and continuously

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that some people get jealous of my effectiveness not realizing, this is my OWN perception therefore my own judgment and desire to even be cared of

I forgive myself that I haven't yet accepted and allowed myself to do things for me and by me only, not wanting needing or desiring any kind of recognition from others /good or bad doesn't matter, as long as they take me into consideration

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that everyone's got a certain 'perception' of myself because I deem myself as being 'outstanding' and being remembered by many people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act out according to these 'hidden' desires towards my self preservation as who I believe myself to be and according to an application throughout my entire life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that mostly girls are jealous of me - lol lol fuck how did I get here?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having developed a superiority/inferiority complex according to the situation I experienced, according to how I 'moved' myself within my life and the people I was with

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to unconditionally accept ALL as me, one and equal, instead being still separating myself from others due to who I / THey believe themselves to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire 'giving advices' to people according to my own 'morals' which only show that I still have preconceptions/ideas of what is to face here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and exist within and as concern of my current situation instead of doing something about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having always perceived that many were jealous of me throughout my entire life, and in believing so, blaming their 'bad vibes' as the reason of why shit presented in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be used to having privileges, to be noticed, to be treated in a different way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want 'special treatment' when being in a crowd

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that I have been elitist and that I have separated myself from others according to their social status and according to how I perceive myself to be amongst others -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of my own continuous applications, still allowing me to function this way instead of immediately stopping and not allowing me to go any further into this misconceptions

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always desire getting 'the special place' I think, believe and perceive I deserve in people's lives

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to think believe and perceive that i was 'one of a kind'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel disillusioned the moment I discovered that there are millions like me, lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever think believe and perceive that I had 'something' particular that not so many had

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire 'making a difference' from the ego starting point instead of being the 'difference' from releasing the ego and considering, being and living myself as one and equal with all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be used to having 'good stuff' around me

I forgive myself that i Have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that only when I have 'no choice' I will accept all and live one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be the manifestation of 'specialness'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I was defending my perceived 'specialness' all the time in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being 'original' as being 'like no other' never realizing that it is all from mind perception that there could be such individuality, I am one and equal to all as all and till here no further: I do not accept and allow myself to still fall into the 'being special' trap/crap

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to acquire the ability to judge people according to their social status from my mother

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire wanting to find a reason or someone to blame on to my application as an elitist, not realizing that I placed this as myself and created it for myself

I forgive myself that I always accepted and allowed myself to first judge someone by the amount of money they had, how they lived, how their family was like and then, be able to be 'their friend'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having judged people for being 'elitist' with their friends never realizing that I did the same and I felt 'good' while being around people that thought just like me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that only certain kind of people should prevail in this world , as the more 'adapted' ones, never realizing this is mind separation coming from occidental view of 'development' and civilization - the more adapted ones are the ones that live in order with nature, so I would surely be eliminated lol

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape myself according to my own wants, needs and desires to be fulfilled amongst certain people of my choice and wanting to please them within that which I knew 'they would dig/like'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in separation from others by immediately judging their appearance not because of 'looks' but because of how much those clothes are worth - it's even WORST!!

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become used to judging the 'class' of someone by their clothes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being defined by the 'quality' of clothes I wear, or others wear

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever think, believe and perceive that someone to be my 'friend' had to be more or less in the same social range as me.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in social classes, creating separation because of money which divides and enslaves us all

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself for having judged people who I deemed as elitist and being 'snotty' not realizing that I was hiding that same behaviour behind the 'cool' and ' I accept all' behaviour/mask

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed for what I've just realized of myself here

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever feel 'ashamed', secretly ashamed of who I was and the family I had because I deemed it as being a reason to be 'ashamed of'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be extensively affected, developing inferiority that time when father got in a bad deal losing lots of money, therefore, feeling sad by not having had the same amount of money we used to and living in a restricted way

I forgive myself that I then placed trust and desire to 'get things back to normal' and praying to a god

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that it was 'god's miracle' that father recovered in his business

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so used to nothing being absent in the table to eat

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my clothes for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this bed for granted

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take my family's financial support for granted and something 'they must do'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider me as being 'very spoiled' girl in the family

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take my life for granted, life as the breath here as ALL i REally am.

I do not accept and allow myself to be impressed by money

I do not accept and allow myself to care about the amount of money someone owns

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place resistance towards money talks

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist to see the actual truth of myself towards money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that 'money solves it all' not realizing that money is but a convention and it's inexistent

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