octubre 17, 2008

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel alone/lonely and therefore want to be with someone to share myself with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cry over a past relationship

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be waiting for him to call me or look for me so we can spend some time together

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire being with him again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be numbed by this desire and experience myself as unable to do anything else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become' unstable' the moment I saw him once again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel miserable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel miserable because of crying over a relationships that doesn't exist anymore as the one I had with A

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that I need him/ need to see him .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I need someone else to fulfill me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear just telling my parents that I am going to be 'friends' with A once again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'weak' to tell this to them

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear making the wrong decision in deciding 'going out' or hanging out with A once again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that without a friend I'm miserable, lonely and sad

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I'm not able to be alone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire re-living my past within the relationship with A

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire so bad listening to his music.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only think that my parents are the problem with me actually seeking A once again

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not want me to seek him, but want HIM to seek for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only exist in fears towards my parents and what they might think or say if I tell them that I'm going out with A once again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I desperately need 'human contact'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek A as a human contact

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be hesitating and doing nothing

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperately lonely today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that something/someone must fulfill me instead of realizing that I am all, I need no fulfilling, only the mind needs a relationship to exist

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to suppress the 'pain' of leaving relationships behind

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel depressed at the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I need to go out with someone/ be with someone desperately

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel alone not realizing that I'm all one and therefore, I can't be alone

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by the mind and fall once again into desires to be with someone, just to be with someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss 'past times' which is completely unacceptable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tormented by the memory of being with A listening to his music in his house

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yearn past moments with A being with him in his house watching the sky

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yearn the moments when we used to be together doing nothing, just being together

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still be enslaved to memories of relationship with A

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel it's a torture to have him few meters away, yet not 'able' to see him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and my desires to be with him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'tempted' by having opened a new 'contact' with him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become unstable because of knowing that he's in his house

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want him to call me

I forgive myself that I have accpeted and allowed myself to deem as 'too difficult' or 'impossible' to just forget about it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself because of all these feelings still existing within me

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel desperate because of not being able to just be and instead, going around in circles with the thought of 'A is near me' in the head

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself just because of my parents

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what my uncle and aunts would say if they see that I'm going to his house once again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care what the neighbors could say because of seeing that I go to A's house once again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about these things with regards to 'what others may think or believe or perceive' because of me not being sure about myself within this situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define A as the perfect companion

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I'm just holding myself back because of fears

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even think that I could give the back to my self and go with the flow wanting to be with someone

this is not so thus I stop

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