octubre 04, 2008

tired of desire

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel lonely and wanting, desiring some kind of contact with another person with whom I can communicate with face to face

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that it it's been too long since being with someone in a sexual way

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want a desire a confirmation that "I am alive" by having some kind of contact with a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel frustration by not being able to be with someone

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel being tired of desiring

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire defining my current experience in a certain mood

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of myself within past relationships as being happy and fulfilled

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I will simply not be able to forget him at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I'm not able to completely detach from him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep regret and rancor towards parents because of them never accepting my relationship with him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still feel anger and rancor towards anyone that has criticized me for being with him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being back in vulnerability and back in fear because of just giving this etching to him. AH this is stupid really

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel completely stupid by gazing out my window just to see if I see him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still be directed by the mind to do and make things that certainly just keep me bound to memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I need someone or something to be with today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a self pity face because of my desires to be with him or someone else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel incapable of meeting new people

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I won't be able to have fun again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of apparently going to be alone for the rest of my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having fun just as others talk about having fun

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire going back to the time when I was blissful in my ignorance, not realizing this is just bullshit here, going back to not living at all but merely playing the part in the role I created for myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to right now have a sappy face because of thinking that I desperately need someone to be with, to talk with etc.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that if I see that particular man with another one I will feel 'bad'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am separate from past men in my life, not realizing I am one and equal to them, I just haven't allowed myself to not be defined by those past relationships

I stop all desires of the mind to make me go seeking a contact, a bond, an attachment to hold on to

I do not accept and allow myself to keep seeking for 'perfect match' for me to experience myself with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having always been just interested in being with men I was attracted to in a strong or slight way, otherwise, there was no interest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create interest in a person not realizing that this is merely declaring that I am not accepting a part of myself as myself and instead, go seeking it somewhere else

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel such a fool by wondering and existing in past right now

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find myself a purpose in this life as sharing my art with people I used to be with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think of sex while knowing that others are having sex

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deny myself and suppress myself within this thoughts and desires.

No more, I'm tired of this really.

till here no further.

1 comentario:

AS I BREATH dijo...

I will stick this list of SF on my head

Thanks for your comments

Oh, I saw the video link you sent me but I must be honest and admit that I don't believe in the portal or in whatever that girl is doing. I just listen to her and and to her message without believing that she is talking on behalf of dimensions.

So sorry that I am not a believer

C.