diciembre 25, 2008

diciembre 24, 2008

Past burden

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my past as a burden which I carry in my shoulders and blame it as the reason for having a hunched back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of standing up straight because of my breasts being more noticeable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around hunched bevcause of not wanting to be 'snotty' in standing up straight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cry because of 'how the world is' today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at myself for not being able to stop my crying that had no clear reason to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a bit embarrassed by crying infront of A.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid while crying with no apparent reason or purpose

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stop questioning why do I cry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty within myself towards myself for allowing me to be existing in the mind and be creating-co creating these pains all over my back and body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this day as horrible for what it is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of realizing that there's no point within this life at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel miserable when realizing that I am crying for the loss of myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to cry out of shame and fear of what is to come

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this life as a burden and place it on my back as carrying the world within me instead of standing one and equal to it and just breathing as who and what I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making others feel sad because of seeing me cry or being sad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad for no apparent reason

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the unified consciousness field for my crying experience instead of realizing that it is me crying out of exerting a burden

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for not caring about my body and walking around hunched not realizing that my back is hurting because of my position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back from expressing myself around others because of not wanting to 'hurt' them and 'ruin' the party for them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less that who I really am and allow me to be sad, angry and cry out of self pity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel miserable for having cried out of the blue

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within regret for not having cared about my body before

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say 'what have I done, what have I become?' and thinking that it's too late to do something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire creating a solution ont realizing that this merely limits and defines myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to just BE and stop all the bullshit that leads me to suffer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in feelings and emotions with regards to how this world is currently going through and how we all create that because in suffering and being sad, i actually supported suffering in this world

I do not accept and allow myself to co-create suffering within this world, I stop the sadness, i stop carrying around the past as a burden

diciembre 23, 2008

flat littering

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use excuses as thinking that I'm not being dishonest while I do realize that I am being dishonest

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that comments categorized as 'flattering' towards myself are able to change who I am and what i am in any way whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'important' whenever someone points out how 'I am important in their lives' instead of realizing that they are merely talking and describing and taking into consideration the 'who I am' within the mind as who they think and believe and perceive myself to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately judge people whenever I see that they 'fucked up' as being dishonest not realizing that I am judging myself within the mind, therefore, allowing and existing within thoughts as opinions and perceptions of myself as 'who I want me to be' instead of just being here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel 'moved' by flattering comments such as being 'attractive' to some people

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to fully see and understand the fact that I cannot and will not define myself according to how I look or how I am visually perceived by anyone's eyes. I see myself as who I really am, not as a picture-image presentation of myself. That is NOT who I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get 'confused' as wanting to be self-honest while knowing that I am deeply getting into relationshit fields

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for enjoying flirting with people when it's possible to do so and for having defined me as a delicate flirtatious person

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fuel my personality while having contact with men and spending time with men with whom I could 'be' something 'more' than who I am

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rejoice within the thoughts and ideas that others have created of myself as 'who they think I am' as 'who I used to be' and 'as who I used to define myself' not realizing that I am not my thoughts, my ideas or anything that is created within the mind as the mind. I am merely here as all, breathing as life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel the imperious need to open everyone's eyes to life, to be the breath not realizing that I cannot do something for someone else if the other one isn't willing to open up themselves to realize what life really is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire changing my outside instead of firstly knowing myself as who I am within my thoughts and beliefs about myself as how I have defined myself to be and who I really am within all of this. I am the breath of life, I am here as life as all as one as equal and I do not accept and allow myself to rejoice in the thought of 'who I am' for 'others' as who they think I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having desired having a relationshit with V. long time ago and imagining being 'complete' with someone like him

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever think that being in a relationship would help me to personal realization and fulfilling my sole purpose within this world, this life

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that the relationship programming as a need for humans is something so ingrained that it's 'tough' to delete from myself.

I delete every single thought and desire to be in a relationship with anyone for the sake of 'being with someone' who 'understands and cares' for me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see men as an opportunity to be important, to be noticed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having always created my image and presentation in order to be liked and appreciated by men who were the 'kind' of men that I wanted to be liked by

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be fond of myself as who I think I am while being with other men and enjoying being flattered instead of realizing that this is merely self interest as ego going for food to keep itself alive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define men as a weakness within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tag my 'problem' or 'situation' currently going on as 'men' because of how I have separated myself from men not realizing that I am one and equal to men and I do not accept and allow myself to merely define myself as a woman for 'who I am' within my physical body

I forgive myself that I have always accepted and allowed myself to feel cool when going out with a man that I like physically or mentally - same deal

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be 'nice' when I go out with men that I like

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having always felt 'cool' because of actually being with the men I wanted to be with

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place expectations on men and how 'our relationship could be' merely existing as thoughts, needs and desires of who I am not

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see and define men as a point of stability to create within my life while being, spending and creating my life revolving around a relationship with a man

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that it is inevitable to not like a man that I enjoy being with not realizing that I am merely defining my beingness with such being instead of just being

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek certain kind of men's attention by trying to fit their taste in the past

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that I liked certain man when i did like them because of not wanting to be too 'obvious' within my 'taste in men'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still feel attracted towards certain kind of man which I consider to be 'outsiders' and rebels within their world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow my programming as wanting a certain kind of 'unusual' relationship with a man who is also 'weird' and 'just like me' so 'we could understand each other'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for creating the experience of seeking for a man to love and define it as draining, tiring, sad and filled with disillusionment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still occupy myself with thougths of meeting a someone whom I could be and spend my life with while supporting each other

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy saying that I have admires

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep in mind the fact that someone declared his love to me and that he said I was 'special kind of attractive person'

i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be seduced by words that create the idea of myself as being important and unique for/in someone's life

I forgive myself for still wanting and desiring to have a special place in someone's life as being 'unique' and 'important' and 'special'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value and worth to others opinions towards myself as being someone 'important' and 'unique' in their life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take people's words as unconditional not realizing that I am not able to trust blindly in anyone's words. I can only trust myself in self honesty

I do not accept and allow myself to place worth and value in anyone's words towards myself as making compliments or making 'flattering' comments towards myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refuse compliments and freak out when listening flattering words coming from others towards myself

diciembre 13, 2008

Imperative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my action within this world I'm an imperative person wanting everything and everyone to do as I do, to be as I want them to be therefore, control is being desired

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my voice and speak out of anger when I want people to listen to me and know that I am talking 'the truth' and therefore, it isn't fucking around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become blinded by my own justifications to be imperative such as being self directive when in fact, I'm imposing myself and being aggressive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use aggressiveness as a way to have the focus and attention of people in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be imperative and want to take out 'my truth' every single moment that I'm able to break the illusion by speaking 'the way it is' not realizing that when being with someone else it is about who I am within that moment not the words I speak to bring that 'truth' of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become imperative and angry when realizing that someone is deliberately fucking with themselves therefore, reacting towards their own personal situation instead of me just allowing them to experience their process by themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having harmed A by being too aggressive towards him and being too imperative as in wanting things to go my way and according to my view of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still desire that people follow my example and so, become like me and have the same point of view without realizing that I cannot impose myself onto anyone by force

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become exalted and angry against others for not understanding and/or accepting 'who I am' at this moment within the realization of being one and equal to all and leading life accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link being imperative to being selfish

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become angry when someone cannot fathom what I'm trying to say because of not having the same knowledge and information to speak about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated while communicating with someone who isn't aware of process of self forgiveness and the overall process on earth because it seems very 'unknown' to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I'm betraying my family or friends by wanting to be by myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blackmailed into believing that I am selfish and that I don't want to share myself with others
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that respect towards people is about respecting and allowing them to have their own beliefs even if these fuck with them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that A's girlfriend knows that we were together while she wasn't here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of my actions while being with A while he still has a gf and therefore being part of a cheating situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time with A just because he feels lonely, therefore being with him out of pity at times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find unbelievable that someone is able to say he loves me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared by compromise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject compromising myself to someone again in any way whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a burden when realizing that 'I'm special for someone' in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am special for someone in this world not realizing that this is merely mind considerations of someone's idea of himself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become pissed off when being identified according to what I wear and the 'personality' I own even though I have tried to erase it from me to be identifiable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel offended and completely deny the fact that I might be selfish

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad because of A calling me selfish because of me wanting to spend time alone with myself instead of being and spending some time with him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become bothered whenever he talks about feelings and emotions that make him 'feel alive' not realizing that this is complete system talk and therefore, not life at all

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be kidding myself into believing that he supports life