diciembre 13, 2008

Imperative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my action within this world I'm an imperative person wanting everything and everyone to do as I do, to be as I want them to be therefore, control is being desired

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to raise my voice and speak out of anger when I want people to listen to me and know that I am talking 'the truth' and therefore, it isn't fucking around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become blinded by my own justifications to be imperative such as being self directive when in fact, I'm imposing myself and being aggressive

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use aggressiveness as a way to have the focus and attention of people in my world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be imperative and want to take out 'my truth' every single moment that I'm able to break the illusion by speaking 'the way it is' not realizing that when being with someone else it is about who I am within that moment not the words I speak to bring that 'truth' of myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become imperative and angry when realizing that someone is deliberately fucking with themselves therefore, reacting towards their own personal situation instead of me just allowing them to experience their process by themselves

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having harmed A by being too aggressive towards him and being too imperative as in wanting things to go my way and according to my view of life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still desire that people follow my example and so, become like me and have the same point of view without realizing that I cannot impose myself onto anyone by force

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become exalted and angry against others for not understanding and/or accepting 'who I am' at this moment within the realization of being one and equal to all and leading life accordingly

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link being imperative to being selfish

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become angry when someone cannot fathom what I'm trying to say because of not having the same knowledge and information to speak about

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become frustrated while communicating with someone who isn't aware of process of self forgiveness and the overall process on earth because it seems very 'unknown' to them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I'm betraying my family or friends by wanting to be by myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blackmailed into believing that I am selfish and that I don't want to share myself with others
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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that respect towards people is about respecting and allowing them to have their own beliefs even if these fuck with them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that A's girlfriend knows that we were together while she wasn't here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the consequences of my actions while being with A while he still has a gf and therefore being part of a cheating situation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spend time with A just because he feels lonely, therefore being with him out of pity at times

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find unbelievable that someone is able to say he loves me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be scared by compromise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject compromising myself to someone again in any way whatsoever

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a burden when realizing that 'I'm special for someone' in this world

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am special for someone in this world not realizing that this is merely mind considerations of someone's idea of himself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become pissed off when being identified according to what I wear and the 'personality' I own even though I have tried to erase it from me to be identifiable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel offended and completely deny the fact that I might be selfish

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad because of A calling me selfish because of me wanting to spend time alone with myself instead of being and spending some time with him

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become bothered whenever he talks about feelings and emotions that make him 'feel alive' not realizing that this is complete system talk and therefore, not life at all

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be kidding myself into believing that he supports life

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