diciembre 24, 2008

Past burden

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my past as a burden which I carry in my shoulders and blame it as the reason for having a hunched back

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of standing up straight because of my breasts being more noticeable

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around hunched bevcause of not wanting to be 'snotty' in standing up straight

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cry because of 'how the world is' today

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel angry at myself for not being able to stop my crying that had no clear reason to be

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel a bit embarrassed by crying infront of A.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stupid while crying with no apparent reason or purpose

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to stop questioning why do I cry

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty within myself towards myself for allowing me to be existing in the mind and be creating-co creating these pains all over my back and body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define this day as horrible for what it is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because of realizing that there's no point within this life at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel miserable when realizing that I am crying for the loss of myself

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to cry out of shame and fear of what is to come

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take this life as a burden and place it on my back as carrying the world within me instead of standing one and equal to it and just breathing as who and what I really am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making others feel sad because of seeing me cry or being sad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be sad for no apparent reason

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the unified consciousness field for my crying experience instead of realizing that it is me crying out of exerting a burden

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for not caring about my body and walking around hunched not realizing that my back is hurting because of my position

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back from expressing myself around others because of not wanting to 'hurt' them and 'ruin' the party for them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel less that who I really am and allow me to be sad, angry and cry out of self pity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel miserable for having cried out of the blue

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within regret for not having cared about my body before

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say 'what have I done, what have I become?' and thinking that it's too late to do something

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire creating a solution ont realizing that this merely limits and defines myself

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to just BE and stop all the bullshit that leads me to suffer

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in feelings and emotions with regards to how this world is currently going through and how we all create that because in suffering and being sad, i actually supported suffering in this world

I do not accept and allow myself to co-create suffering within this world, I stop the sadness, i stop carrying around the past as a burden

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