febrero 03, 2009

struggle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel down and depressed because of having to walk amongst hundreds of cars in the streets

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and down because I'm not walking in the place I usually walk when in my home city

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because everything looks gray here


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have weary eyes all the time in sign and expression of me not enjoying this at the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I need sugar to compensate my 'depression'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel discouraged to keep going doing what I am doing as going to school to get a paper

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still exist in thoughts because if being in the breath I move myself, I direct myself and don't allow thoughts to overwhelm me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel defeated from the moment I wake up because of thinking that I have to 'go through this'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can avoid facing this, that there's something or somewhere else I could be at, not realizing that I have to face what I chose, what I created for myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disgusted of all the polluted air that is around here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret having chosen to come here to study, because never took into consideration life in itself and me living in this environment, but actually only going for self interest of wanting to be 'an artist'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see no point in being here because I'm not sure if I even want to be 'an artist' anymore

but yeah, how to move myself to support what's best for all?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stuck and lost with regards to 'what I am able to do' to support myself as one and equal and live in self honesty. .

That's the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty because of spending money from my father to sustain myself and this place I currently live in without me fully 'being' into the career as going and giving it all for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting my parents down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that there's no point in continuing this because it's not of my full interest anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up before even getting started

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire sleeping more these days because I feel more comfortable sleeping than awake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am suffering, not realizing that I have no idea of what real suffering is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a storm inside my brain as thoughts instead of being here in every moment. Go to school, do what is required to be done and get it done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel alienated from my peers because I am not sharing their 'views' anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel out of place because I am not trusting myself in this moment which is unacceptable

I trust myself, I direct myself, I am self trust, I am here and I direct myself. I breathe to remain out of thinking in circles that let me down .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so used to the comfort and coziness of my parent's house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss having an easy life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having things easily all the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel physically exhausted even though I haven't done much

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in polarity as energy as being 'down' instead of realizing that I create what I think, I am here I am stable I do not accept and allow myself to feel down or depressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire speaking with someone so that someone is able to 'cheer me up' without realizing that I am merely looking for an external approval of what I am going to do and what I'm going to be

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to fully embrace and accept myself here, so I don't struggle with what I am capable of doing and what I'm not.

I stop the inner struggle with my head

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxious when seeing lots of traffic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I can' bare this city anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back in time and change my choices, that isn't real. I move myself here and face what I chose

enero 10, 2009

Sf persona

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define me according to my habits

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to my personal interests

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the friends I've made in my life as being 'similar' to myself, therefore being mirrors of what exists within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to a created and programed personality as who I am and therefore, creating myself in the image and likeness of words that would define me as being 'not ordinary'

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to take drinking as a point of being 'normal' doing what everyone else was doing at my age meaning teenage years

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire being as 'normal' as other kids in order to fit in

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from alcohol into taking it as something that would merely 'get myself loose' and being liked and accepted by others

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that by showing that I was resistant to alcohol, I would get people to admire me - lol what a mindfuck - and therefore think that I was cool just because I didn't want to be tagged as a nerd

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear being identified as a nerd my whole life

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have the need and desire to prove myself as 'cool' so i wouldn't get judgments of being 'nerd'

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear listening the definition of nerd being applied to myself

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to do anything that I could do so I wouldn't be tagged as a nerd

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever be affected by a tag, a name and definition such as a nerd because of who I wanted to be towards others

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel cool whenever I was recognized by others as being so, specially by the 'popular' guys

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel cool when being friends with the most popular guy in generation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make fun of preppy girls in their faces and enjoying them being insecure from what I told them

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place effort into being a 'unique' personality, into developing a persona of the mind as an ego that would be defined as apparently not being an ego - but being constructed based on how NOT to be an ego, still created and defined by myself as the mind -

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire being 'outstanding' as being identifiable within

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist talking with people that I do not agree with not realizing that this is pure separation from the mind as opinions and beliefs

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own imagination as being able to create pictures of undesired events that could happen to me, such as falling again and hitting on my teeth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by memories of how I used to live my friendships and relationships and think that I was 'happy' then, not realizing I was merely living a lie