febrero 03, 2009

struggle

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel down and depressed because of having to walk amongst hundreds of cars in the streets

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad and down because I'm not walking in the place I usually walk when in my home city

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad because everything looks gray here


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have weary eyes all the time in sign and expression of me not enjoying this at the moment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I need sugar to compensate my 'depression'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel discouraged to keep going doing what I am doing as going to school to get a paper

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still exist in thoughts because if being in the breath I move myself, I direct myself and don't allow thoughts to overwhelm me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel defeated from the moment I wake up because of thinking that I have to 'go through this'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I can avoid facing this, that there's something or somewhere else I could be at, not realizing that I have to face what I chose, what I created for myself here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become disgusted of all the polluted air that is around here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret having chosen to come here to study, because never took into consideration life in itself and me living in this environment, but actually only going for self interest of wanting to be 'an artist'

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see no point in being here because I'm not sure if I even want to be 'an artist' anymore

but yeah, how to move myself to support what's best for all?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel stuck and lost with regards to 'what I am able to do' to support myself as one and equal and live in self honesty. .

That's the point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty because of spending money from my father to sustain myself and this place I currently live in without me fully 'being' into the career as going and giving it all for it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting my parents down

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that there's no point in continuing this because it's not of my full interest anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to give up before even getting started

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire sleeping more these days because I feel more comfortable sleeping than awake

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am suffering, not realizing that I have no idea of what real suffering is

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make a storm inside my brain as thoughts instead of being here in every moment. Go to school, do what is required to be done and get it done

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel alienated from my peers because I am not sharing their 'views' anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel out of place because I am not trusting myself in this moment which is unacceptable

I trust myself, I direct myself, I am self trust, I am here and I direct myself. I breathe to remain out of thinking in circles that let me down .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so used to the comfort and coziness of my parent's house.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss having an easy life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having things easily all the time

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel physically exhausted even though I haven't done much

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in polarity as energy as being 'down' instead of realizing that I create what I think, I am here I am stable I do not accept and allow myself to feel down or depressed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire speaking with someone so that someone is able to 'cheer me up' without realizing that I am merely looking for an external approval of what I am going to do and what I'm going to be

I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to fully embrace and accept myself here, so I don't struggle with what I am capable of doing and what I'm not.

I stop the inner struggle with my head

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel anxious when seeing lots of traffic

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I can' bare this city anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go back in time and change my choices, that isn't real. I move myself here and face what I chose

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