agosto 02, 2010

Eerie dream-state

I had an interesting dream - I felt 'drunk' or 'dizzy' or more like 'slow' in the dream - not drunk, I correct this, it's actually like a heavily on weed experience in my dream wherein I had an awkward half-awake half-asleep state that allowed me to realize while in my dreams that I wasn't 'enjoying' the experience of myself within the dream, it felt very 'heavy' and then like 'lethargic' in a way which then was creating me being in at night walking through the streets with this friend/ex bf and in that moment just being aware of the experience, pulling myself out of the dream as in stopping the dream itself and after 'retrieving' myself away from this dream - because that's how it 'felt' - I opened my eyes and saw these geometrical lines forming all around like 'glow in the dark' type of , geometrical shapes all around me and so I 'assessed' that as being seeing just consciousness and being in a half-wake half-asleep state not fully into my body, felt a bit like sleep paralysis but not so much - then because in the moment I said okay I can 'design' the dream to be in and started seeing shapes emerge and so on I realized I was consciously creating the dream and as such I realized a stopping point came wherein a single point of 'fear' emerged as being able to 'create' something fully aware as my dream - I can see that would entail me being fully responsible for whatever that dream would 'come through' as because: I was consciously creating it - and so everything just went plain pitch black as the night, no more geometrical formations around - which is something 'similar' to what I had dreamed of before or seen in a similar half-awake- half-asleep state and I just went into sleeping fully.

This I can relate to having 'altered' my sleep time last night and sleeping very late almost 3 am so - that created a 'point' within me wherein even the 'sleepy' feeling I had around 1, 2, went off and I started feeling a bit 'loose' quite interesting but won't create any more definitions on to this - nor do I want to make a big deal for it, this is for personal record on this event.

Flag point: fear of creation and taking full responsibility through it.