marzo 17, 2011

Beauty and looove

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem kissing as a beautiful expression of love

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to pity others that didn't have the oportunity to have a relationship of 'love'
I forgive myself that I haven't accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that such 'love'w as never real and that kissing another has nothing to do with 'love' itself, but is only a physical encounter with another one and equal experiencing the physical here as ourselves.
Nothing more, nothing less. I stop living in a delusion of the ideal of 'love' that doesn't exist HERE as myself as the physical as the breath of life that I am

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having existed in FEAR of losing any partner out of fear of losing 'love' which was never real in fact.
We only exist in the moment as the breath of life wherein nothing can be lost
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being confused

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not being directing myself effectively therefore, being 'uncertain' when that uncertainty isn't even real

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become quite silent lately and thinking it is a 'bad thing' not realizing it could actually be the beginning of the change

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that losing meaning on art is a shame not realizing that it is actually part of process

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refrain myself whenever Am is around

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having her as my enemy now

i forigve myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to crate all this in my head, in my thoughts instead of stopping and just being here unconditionally

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the 'I dont' give a fuck attitude' towards amanda and her current life situation not realizing I am her as well though I realize I cannot do anything for her

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still be a 'mother' to people in ways of speaking and caring about them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take that role as being the one that 'cares' instead of just being equal with no desire to protect or be nice to someone

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel left out at times because of me not participating anymore

I forgive myself that I have accepte dan dallowed myself to feel the dullness of having to go to school at themoment yikes.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to do things with disgust .