abril 30, 2012

Day 17: Dedicated

1    devoted to a task or purpose.
2    exclusively allocated or intended for a particular purpose

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a personality as being ‘dedicated’ within my reality as an energetic experience that must be ‘kept up’ in order to keep me satisfied within my application in relationships and activities, wherein actions, movements and self-direction is still coming from this idea of myself as being ‘dedicated’ and ‘devoted’ to that which I participate within, wherein I realize that everything that I do must be self-movement where no energy is required to impulse and motivate myself to continue my application within the personality construct as ‘being dedicated.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a particular neutral experience yet tainted with positivity as a dedicated person wherein I have defined myself as ‘being dedicated’ and in that, limiting myself within a frame of mind that I perceive is good/ beneficial yet, it’s not being lived unconditionally in all aspects of myself as an equal and one participation, but only dedicating myself to that which I have a particular preference for, which is then separation and requires proper attention in relation to how I am establishing relationships in equality toward everyone and everything that I participate in and interact with on a daily basis.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get a ‘nice feeling’ as satisfaction/ positive experience when perceiving myself to be ‘dedicated’ which is indicating me that I am not yet an absolute unconditional expression here as every moment, but still  moving myself from this particular personality-suit that I have become and lived as ‘who I am’ and never questioned it because of perceiving it as something ‘good’ to live by,without investigating the direct relationship that this holds to an entire personality suit that was brewed in separation throughout my life and school years, which implies that: it is stemming from an application in the past, it’s not yet fully here as self movement.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give continuation to experiences and patterns that I have regarded as ‘beneficial’ such as dedication, which is usually rewarded with escalating positions in the system and earning more money according to how obedient/ efficient a person is, which I see and realize is the only fuel that has kept this entire system of hierarchy functioning, by creating false personal convictions as positive attributes as a motivation to move in separation of self, because of always having ‘the ultimate reward’ as a background application that is implied within this ‘dedication’ that we live by in this world – this is because of everything being linked to and stemming from the existence of our lives being hooked to a monetary system, which inevitably implies that all our living-aspects are tainted with the inequality that the money system represents.

This implies that the way to correct dedication and equalize it as an expression that is unconditional as myself, requires me to establish myself as the starting point of everything I do – me supporting me within the realization that there is nothing to ‘attain’ or ‘earn’ or ‘win’ here, other than supporting myself to establish that self-stability and ability to move unconditionally, which is linked to being willing myself to move, act, direct without having a motivation to do so, without having to ‘overcome’ another application such as laziness – but moving by principle: I express, I direct myself here as breath – moment by moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see dedication as a separate application of myself wherein I imprint a particular ‘positive’ experience toward getting things done/ tasks/ projects/ activities in various ways, wherein there is still a sense of ego enhancement about it which must be equalized and simply accept dedication as an expression of myself, integrate it as what I can be the moment that such dedication is a moment to moment, breath by breath application that is not separate from anything else that I do in any given moment, nor is it determined by ‘who I was’ in the past - it is not only devoted to a particular set of activities in my world, but is an ability that I accept as who I am and what I can be and express as myself as being dedicated to myself first and foremost and to life, to support myself and others in an equal manner as that is what I have decided to dedicate myself/ my life for.

 

I commit myself to see dedication as a living application wherein everything that I do is within the starting point of supporting myself, slowing down and actually placing attention to the details and specificity required – that I have to work with - without generating a ‘feel good’ experience about it in my mind, but simply as a living constancy and consistency as the directive principle that I am establishing within myself.

 

This is thus to stop any dimensional shifting the moment that energy is accessed when getting into an ‘experience’ of being dedicated, and then having to ‘keep up’ that experience - instead of living dedication in every moment that I am here breathing, and being aware of my physical body, wherein the actual dedication is not shifted to ‘accomplishing tasks’ but to live, to dedicate myself to remain here, aware of my breathing as I see and realize that breathing is the key to stop any dimensional shifting in my mind and accessing ideas, beliefs and perceptions according to the ‘score’ that is kept throughout time as the past within the experience of ‘being dedicated’ as a ‘positive attribute’ within myself as a personality.

 

I realize that I am able to ground and physically integrate such dedication as life, here as breath – that is the actual challenge here as that will allow me to dedicate to myself stepping out of the mind and into the physical where no inkling of energetic experience is implied within moving myself. Self willed self movement is the expression of who I really am as life, which implies no positive, negative or neutral experience can be created if I remain constant and consistent moving here as breath.

That is the practical direction here: dedicating myself to breathe and stop any mind-projections as pats on my back for feeling myself as being ‘dedicated.’

All positive egotistical aspects must be debunked in order to ensure that ‘who I am’ as the ego of the mind, as the energized personality I’ve lived by throughout my life, is effectively returning back to the ground wherein I make sure that I do not participate in any positive or negative experiences and start investigating what I have accepted as a ‘default’ experience within me, which is neutrality as the point wherein I do not question ‘who I am’ in this moment, which I see is quite pertinent to start investigating.

I remain here as the physical, and stop accessing further props and ego-enhancers within this living process. No energy required to keep myself dedicated to life.

 

Further Support:

Reptilians - Where is Life - Part 28

Learning more about walking this Process with absolute self-awareness and how to simplify our application to make it a breath by breath living application and not a constant inner-struggle toward ourselves as our own mind.

Blogs of the Day:

 

 

abril 28, 2012

Day 15: Adherence: Sticking to Relationships out of Fear

adhere 

1    stick fast to.
2    believe in and follow the practices of.
3    represent truthfully and in detail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to adhere/ stick to a relationship as soon as I got the acceptance and confirmation by another of being ‘valuable’ for them in the context of establishing a relationship, because of having the starting point of wanting to be accepted/ recognized by another in order to ‘give meaning to my life,’ which is why and how I sought relationships in absolute separation from myself, because I had not allowed me to accept myself, and in this, sticking like glue to the people that would express their appreciation toward myself, and I would experience the same ‘back,’ which is what I had deemed as ‘being lucky,’ because of being able to establish the relationships that ‘I’ had chosen to be in – apparently, without realizing that my own set of preferences as personality had sought a similar pattern that could satisfy my ‘needs’ and desires within the context of my own limitations as personality/ ego.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stick fast to and develop quick relationships mostly, always just ‘going for it’ without taking into consideration what I am exactly indulging into and getting myself into, which implies that I had merely acted out of impulse as an energetic drive, as the ‘intuition’ that I had followed whenever I would manipulate myself and the entire situation in order to ‘make it acceptable’ for me to just ‘go for it’ and establish a relationship.

I forgive myself that I had not allowed myself to fully consider another within these temperamental decisions that I would brew with steam wherein I would just want to settle the relationship right away and make it all happen as fast as we could, in order to satisfy my usual drive an desire to have it all as soon as possible and quick and ‘sealed,’ which was an energetic drive that I accepted and allowed to drive myself completely, without having ever taken a moment to stop, breathe and really place into perspective what it is that I was allowing within myself. Such second-point consideration didn’t exist, and I’m simply here placing it out so that I become aware of not giving into impulse and feeling for something or someone, I take the necessary time to assess the situation and place into perspective practicality and reality instead of dreaming and fantasizing to fulfill my dreams.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order for me to be with another in a relationship, I must idolize them and admire as in seeing them as ‘more than me’ so that ‘I can learn from them,’ without realizing that this is not about being with something that you can measure as knowledge and information, as a mind system – it is about another breathing, living being that must stand equal and one as myself and any other being that is not defined by knowledge and information. This means that

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having ‘fallen for’ and had platonic relationships with people just because of the set of knowledge and information they represented as something that I aspired to become, which implies that I was only seeking to fulfill myself as an idea, as a personality that feeds off of knowledge and information as ‘who I am,’ wherein I projected such value toward others and measuring people/ potential partners/ partners according to their intellect – which means the more intelligent, bold, sharp, perceptive and shrewd = the better within the values that I placed as valuable in another, as that which I wanted to be which I never allowed myself to stand one and equal to.

I realize that the ability they had to communicate, interact, and establish relationships with people with great ease is what I saw I lacked therefore, wanting to stick to/ adhere and almost absorb such abilities by being with them, wherein I stopped living my life but only being the faithful companion that would ‘stick’ to them like a shadow trying to live through them a life that I thought was not possible for me to live.

I see that at least the longest relationships were with people that knew lots of people and I desired that as well but I would see myself believing that it was impossible for me to do, because of the plethora of judgments that I would project to others in my secret mind. And it was only when being in these relationships that I learned to be more open and less elitist in my mind. Yet, it was all within the context of ‘sticking to them,’ something like ‘the muse’ that is just there – adhering to their lives and not really developing my own skills, because of me being comfortable to stand as the wallflower within the general social interactions.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel utterly uncomfortable many, many times that I did not really want to adhere and go everywhere with partners, yet I would go because of fearing ‘missing out’ on something or just not wanting to be alone, wherein I would then just ‘swallow’ everywhere I had to go to with them and within this asphyxiating myself by fearing exerting my desire to just not go to their house and be by myself, I actually feared displeasing them somehow with this, just because of the habit that I created of always being ‘there’ and being the eternal mostly quiet companion.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having defined me as an ‘addition’ to another’s life and call that a relationship, wherein I deliberately diminished my interaction with the rest of my world, simply because I had obtained the recognition and acceptance I was looking for by another that wasn’t valuing myself for me being a particular character in school or in my family, but apparently liking me for ‘who I am. ‘

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to adhere to the conditions and “agreements” that were never spoken in terms of having an actual relationship with another, for an extended period of time and not even knowing what it was. Such ‘not knowing’ is what lead me to create this fear and uncertainty because of fearing losing such relationship, because there was no commitment or spoken agreement at all.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to mold and fit myself into another’s life wherein I became supple and submissive when it came to living the routine of seeing each other, which meant that I adhered to another’s schedules and plans wherein I had no excuse or justification to not go because I didn’t have a ‘life of my own,’ and in that, completely agreeing to just do as they said, go with them wherever they had to and just ‘be there,’ because in my mind it was much better than being alone.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deify the particular ideal of partner that I had created and fueled throughout my life from an early age and when getting that particular person in reality, which meant like winning the jackpot in my life at the time, I absolutely got blinded by this ideal and extreme desire that I had built toward another one, which lead me to absolutely neglect all the actual experiences of fear and subtle self-abuse because of believing that I could be easily replaced and me fearing losing that relationship after all the time that I had desired to be with such person.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stick/ adhere to another’s ‘rules’ and morals within a relationship, wherein I just adhered to it without a question, even though they absolutely bothered me. I kept quiet about it out of fear and within that application, I built my own fear trap, wherein I kept myself in absolute petrification to lose that relationship, just because of not wanting to stir any conflict or be threatened to be left alone if I didn’t want to comply to a certain ‘interaction rule’ within such relationship.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to absolutely stick to another’s words and immediately be influenced by another’s living-rituals and perspectives about life, beliefs, entire mannerism and general stance toward people/ relationships and the world in general, wherein I would immediately adapt to ‘their way of being,’ while just sticking to ‘my part’ of being the faithful muse that is just there whenever they want and in that, absolutely neglecting/ diminishing and belittling myself, just because of the amount of time I spent just ‘there’ by their side, instead of being comfortable with myself, alone. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use relationships as a way to hide and completely submit to a living condition wherein apparently, another must satisfy me in all ways, and vice versa which is the way wherein dependency is created within relationships wherein an initial search for fulfillment is tampered with the belief of ‘being complete’ only when being in a relationship with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to represent a loyal companion and create a religion out of a relationship wherein I made sure I would feed my obsession and another’s obsession for the sake of keeping up and energetic relationship going on, wherein no actual self-support to stop any personalities was ever considered.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having been submissive in relationships wherein I adhered to he ways and ‘rules’ of interaction as silent agreements that were never questioned by me, but only complied because of believing that ‘another knows better’ and ‘is more experienced’ and in that, simply suppressing myself every time out of fear of creating unnecessary conflict.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to adhere/ stick to the rules of the game, wherein no actual consideration of what’s best for all was considered and I allowed myself to manipulate myself into believing that it was ‘alright’ and that ‘I didn’t care’ as long as I could be in that relationship, but obviously it did matter and eventually became unsustainable the very moment that I started speaking up, which I’m glad I did to finally take off the blindfold of fear.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to suppress my actual view upon events and moments, people, environments in the moment just to not create unnecessary conflict, but instead buried that conflict within myself in fear of triggering conflict and having to experience another’s wrath.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stick to the rules of convenience placed by another, and followed/ accepted by me in a blind manner wherein all I could do is continually judge another while presenting a nice façade that could be affable and amicable toward others in general.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to adhere/ conform to relationship woes and the opposite as fun and enjoyment as a usual aspect of having to ponder mood all the time wherein the acceptance of playing a particular mood and role in any given moment would lead me to be an absolute unbearable pain in the ass toward another, wherein I would only be speaking and spewing out backchat that I was not naming for what it is, but disguised it and used other points to let it out, which made no-sense and created rifts that I knew were absolutely ridiculous in nature, but I stuck with it as a way to voice out my general complain and discomfort within the relationship.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed such relationships with no consideration to what I knew I was experiencing, yet hiding because of fearing losing that relationship after all the time invested on desiring that specific relationship, within the belief that I finally had a person depending on me which I deemed as valuable within the ‘I can’t live without you’ type of codependency that emerged from both parts, wherein within my fear of letting someone down, I allowed myself to become addicted to and allow another to become addicted to me in an equally noxious pattern wherein both avoided being alone.

I forgive myself for having ever accepted and allowed myself to use another being as an obsession and addiction that sought to be fulfilled all the time, while  fearing being alone, fearing letting another down and creating innumerable moments of unspoken discomfort for having compromised myself and each other to be constantly wanting to make each other ‘happy’ through any means wherein, it becomes an ‘act’ of living instead of just actually living our lives and sharing them in an equal manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mock my own patterns and habits of the past, because of how I lacked common sense, without realizing that we have lacked common sense from the very moment we separated ourselves from the whole and created an experience that we gave a name to in such moment, it’s the same point yet translated to a usual relationship mechanism of co-dependency and obsession and remuneration to satisfy each other’s needs. 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, within adhering to another’s lifestyle, ways of being, I made myself believe that another knew better and that I should just ‘go with the flow’ because at least it was something different and unlikely to happen in my own life, which is when I believed that living was accumulating adventures and experiences that could lead us to then have something to talk about.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to prefer adhering to another’s life, instead of having ever considered establishing my life in a parallel mode toward another, wherein actual self-support is established, and there are no dependencies toward one another in these subservient and dominant roles.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to feed another’s obsessions and my obsessions wherein all that was sought to be generated was a ‘feel good’ experience that had to be kept up all the time and in that, compromising myself until it was not bearable and had to be stopped.

I realize that I compromised and suppressed myself completely in every single moment that I would only nod and not speak up, and that it became a ‘prop’ for my personality because of others thinking and believing that I was rather calm and peaceful and ‘quiet’ by nature, when in fact I was only hiding and suppressing the actual expression that would come up in the moment but that I hid in the name of complacency and within wanting to avoid all discord possible in the relationship.

I commit myself to Add-Here to myself wherein I make sure I never again create relationships based on only adhering myself to someone else’s life, wherein I become like a comfortably numb shadow that is just ‘there’ all the time, instead of actually valuing myself and my living reality as an individual that certainly doesn’t require to be ‘with someone’ to be complete, fulfilled or even enjoying myself – I realize that within living only as an ego/ personality that sought to be fulfilled, I missed the actual hereness that is here as myself as my being that doesn’t require to be with another to be fulfilled.

I commit myself to add-her as adding me to the equation (in an equal matter to be redundant) of any relationship wherein actual agreements of self support are established, where I can finally stick to living by principle and not by fears, preferences, beliefs and opinions of who I must be in order to be liked/ accepted by another/ others. I realized that any compromise in the past cannot exist here as what I realize now I am and how there can be no value that I can obtain from another, because this is about me – facing/ valuing self as a living being that is equally here as everyone else.

The point we require to implement is actual self-support through spoken/ worded self-agreements wherein all parts involved can live by the principle of conviviality as self-support with established self-agreements in self honesty wherein who we are is honored, respected and supported to develop to the utmost potential, because that’s what we are all here to be and do, in order to finally let go of all limitations, suppressions, fears and judgments toward one another of the past.

I realize that within adding ‘Here’ to any agreement and relationship, I take the whole into consideration wherein it is about me establishing myself as an equal part of the whole that works with others to establish relationships/ agreements of self support to for the first time, change the way that human beings have related to one another wherein no feelings, no emotions, no beliefs, no manipulation, no complacency, no fears are involved within the relationship equation, but are left completely aside to establish an actual physical agreement wherein all parts involved are equally considered and supported to establish effective communication and within that, living to the utmost potential that we all see and realize we are capable of If and when establishing a living principle as ourselves first, individually.

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Equal Money System

journeytolife

 

 

Blogs of the Day:

Judgement Day: DAY 14
Day 14: Do you Love Breakups?
Day 15: Who am I? Prisoner of the Mind?

 

abril 27, 2012

Day 14: Keeping Quiet leads to Relationship Failure

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience resistance to write about relationships, without realizing that I am defining ‘who I am’ in relation to ‘what I’ve written in the past’ which is certainly gone and not ‘here’ as the current understanding of relationships and my own experiences toward it at the moment, which I can certainly bring through a new perspective that I probably was not aware of in the past.

So I breathe, stop the resistance and walk through it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of the topic of relationships ‘the point’ in my process due to past experiences wherein I accepted and allowed myself to diminish, belittle and compromise my own stance and process according to ‘being in a relationship,’ which means that the point I must correct from here on is remaining stable as I am currently when being alone, and walking the process of being able to remain stable and constant no matter where or with whom I am with.

I realize that by having made this point ‘the point’ within my process, I have given it ‘extra value’ that I have then being mostly defining myself according to but in a way that I am mostly resisting and/or avoiding even talking about, which only fuels the same cycles of creating a specific relationship toward ‘relationships.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist writing about relationships without realizing that any point I experience a resistance toward means that I have created a particular experience toward, which means that: I must walk it through with proper self-support for relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define who I am according to ‘relationships’ and the past as memories of people that have come and gone and that allowed me to see what I have been accepting and allowing to exist within/ as me, which means that everything that I ever blamed and judged others for, was in fact only revealing me to me what was existing in a silent/ dormant way within me.

I realize that it is within relationships that we get to face ourselves ‘full on’ because there is no other way that we would be able to trigger points that can’t possibly be triggered when/ while being alone. 

I realize that resisting anything that has to do with relationships at the moment is only me reflecting my own ‘unsolved issues’ toward it that I experienced myself as being ‘perfectly fine without,’ instead of seeing that I am actually resisting because I know, I have realized and seen how it is through relationships that the actual process of facing yourself at all times exists.

For that, I see, realize and understand that allowing me to first face myself, alone and walking the necessary self agreement is the necessary step to be able to stand here wherein what matters is that I ensure I stand and do not allow myself to change/ alter/ waver or transform ‘who I am’ according to the relationships I form/ establish within myself toward others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subservient within relationships, wherein I played the role of being the passive listener and faithful companion, diminishing my own life and living experience to being just that, existing for and defining myself according to being in a relationship

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to remain in a ‘safe spot’ of complacency and not questioning/ being directly communicating as I realize I could have done in the past, because of not wanting to ‘step on another’s feet’ and interfere ‘too much’ within their individual processes, without realizing that it was simply about me fearing having to face my own fears of conflict, fear of losing a relationship if there was an uncontrollable outcome, which kept me basically tied up to an idea of who I had to be within the relationship to keep another by my side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationships from the starting point of having to ‘keep people by my side’/ fearing losing the relationship, which I have experienced as a constant point of petrification because of how I had repeated the same mistakes over and over and over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge who I am in relation to the mistakes I have made in the past, without realizing that I can only learn from mistakes as the points that need absolute correction to never allow myself to repeat patterns, behaviors as limitations wherein I have compromised myself and my usual stance when and while I am in a relationship with another, which means that I must first establish a relationship as Self-Agreement with myself.

I see, realize and understand that any idea I created about another was in fact only about myself, projecting my own judgments toward others and in this, projecting blame to be able to stand as the victim that could complain and manipulate situations to suit my own limitations, which I obviously didn’t see as limitations back then, but preferences and ways of being.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remain quiet in fear of being imposing myself/ patronizing another and in that, fearing being too blunt/ harsh when it came to directly communicating which is essentially ‘fear of hurting others’ through words, while neglecting the obvious common sense that I see and realize I am perfectly able and capable of spotting in myself and others as self-support Yet when it comes to being in a relationship, I’ve kept quiet because of the relationship that I have formed toward such person within my reality.

Therefore I see and realize that the only way to correct this point is for me to establish a self-equality and oneness wherein no matter who I am supporting/ interacting with, I stick to presenting, sharing, pointing out common sense and not compromising this point just because of it coming from a particular person that I have regarded as ‘more than’ or ‘special’ within my life, which is unacceptable within the understanding of how these ‘value schemes’ that we project onto people, eventually have created the current system of disparity and polarization that entails abuse of all parts equally participating in this organism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the ‘good-doer’ wherein I did everything possible to ‘keep another happy,’ which stemmed from fear of losing an relationship and in that, compromising myself absolutely to mold myself into a more docile version of myself in order to not stir any conflicts and keeping a certain apparent ‘stability’ wherein everything is supposedly ‘alright,’ without realizing that I actually feared being alone – and in that, compromising myself just because of not wanting to be left without such relationships, no matter how much I would actually be uncomfortable in it and knowing beforehand that it wasn’t supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a single iota of self judgment just now as I review this point because of the obvious self-abuse I accepted and allowed within myself just because of fearing being alone as the fear of losing a relationship,

I realize that my desire to continue being alone is now the counter act that stems from these past experiences, which means that I must clear for myself these relationships and make sure I do not sabotage any opportunity that I have to expand myself in my process within standing with another in an actual worded, spoken and shared agreement wherein the most important aspect is Self-Agreement, which is what I am perfectly able and capable of walking as myself, alone, here.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to miss out  the opportunity to assist and support myself to be directive to actually share in the moment any point that emerges that can be corrected/ talked about in order to support myself to step out of the pattern of remaining silent and supporting another to see and realize a point that has probably not been realized/ seen before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘I fucked it up because: I kept quiet’ when in fact, keeping quiet is the outflow of having accepted and allowed various other patterns to manifest within the relationship entities that I formed, mostly because of stemming from the idea of myself ‘not being good enough’ and in that, believing that I had to ‘make up for’ not being good enough by being complacent and subservient to another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a relationship as a way to measure ‘who I am’ when in fact, all that I have been within relationships is just another personality that was ‘there’ for me to face, but instead I got lost in the character, allowing myself to create such an extensive turmoil that I forgot about common sense and self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the experience of regret out of these past memories and experiences within/ as relationships.

I forgive myself that I never accepted and allowed myself to write about the intense regret I experienced when I heard B explaining to me how that opportunity was gone and done and that there was no turning back once the agreement was over. That day I learned what regret was and how it would remain within me as a life-long lesson to never allow myself to remain quiet and not giving absolute and proper direction to a point I am directly involved with in/as relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain subservient to a relationship entity wherein favors are done, wherein positivity is sought yet not realizing that in that input of ‘wanting things to work out,’ I am already fearing and accepting the ‘negative’ and the dysfunctional aspects of a relationship, and keeping quiet about it, as a way to remain in a safe spot wherein things seem to be ‘just a bit tense but nothing to worry about,’ and in that missing out the absolute opportunity to take the wheel of the situation and give it common sensical direction in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the person that I stand within an agreement with because of having perceived that such relationship is a special bubble that I must take care of with separate terms as in being more flexible and subservient within the ‘hope’ that it will change/ get better after sometime, without seeing and realizing to what extent I have deliberately blinded myself when being in relationships, wherein I have caramelized the actual reality of the relationship through the creation of an apparent chemical marriage that I then used as a way to justify empathy as preference toward another, while accepting and allowing obvious patterns of separation that were Not Self-Supportive.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself the moment that I perceived that the other person was absolutely responsible for the situation, and in this, victimizing myself and believing that ‘I had done nothing wrong,’ that it wasn’t my fault that this didn’t work out,’ while being absolutely aware of all the constant patterns of allowances and acceptances that were flashing ‘red alerts’ all the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever experience myself so emotionally burnt after a breakup that all I could do was cry, without realizing that it was me only crying out for having actually lost the opportunity of that actual initial immediate point of comfort ability with another and that I have kept as a regret point in my life, without realizing that I had not even set out the basic points of self support as words within myself for that matter, which means that the entire relationship was only that and never an actual agreement, which is the actual truth that I could not see in that moment.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take relationships as something that can be brewed out of nowhere in one single moment without taking into consideration what I am actually really getting myself into, realizing that I only did it out of the spontaneous ‘struck of the heart’ in believing that ‘I must go there’ and in that, having the worst crash till the very bottom when realizing that I only fed my ‘good feelings’ about someone while neglecting the obvious reality that was yelling out separation and dysfunction in distinctive moments that I simply allowed to go by.

I commit myself to establish a self-agreement of communication wherein I make sure I clarify toward myself what I am willing to live by with/ as myself wherein I do not ever create another bubble as a relationship entity with another as a ‘separate world,’ while neglecting the obvious separation that such application entails.

I commit myself to voice myself no matter ‘who it is’ that I am talking toward as that is a practical living-realization of me being addressing myself/ voicing myself as that which I see is common sense and supportive to communicate about.

A cool point about this is that I don’t have to be fueling the ghosts of the past, it is only when directing myself to write about it that memories come up, images, pictures, moments that I believed I was really happy and that everything was alright – and I did have a lot of fun while it lasted. A point that must be stopped at all times is future projections when and while being in any give moment, and to make sure that I do not become stagnant in my perceived stability when and while being alone. I definitely see and realize that there is a long process to walk ahead. Enough for now.

Thanks for reading.

 

“Twin Soul - the only twin soul that can exist is in drawings of souls that look like twins OR within the minds of those fantasizing about twin souls in their minds - but within existence: twin souls no more exist. And the practical application here would be to - whatever one is looking for in the twin soul - is what self must gift to self to be/become whole again. TWIN SOULS should be saying something, in that - the TWIN/SAME SOUL is showing that self is in fact yearning for/looking for SELF. C'mon - the codes couldn't have been MORE OBVIOUS.” Sunette Spies 

 

 

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abril 26, 2012

Day 13: The Mind as Self-Creation Buddy

When removing this entire attachment/ hold toward my personality, what remains is aspects that I can live as who I am without keeping it as something that I manifest through an energetic relationship toward. An example can be how most – if not all - have something that we want to ‘hide’ because of all the memories and past experiences that lead us to shape and create ‘who I am’ as a personality that has a particular set of preferences, habits, behavior and experience toward the world. So, instead of continuing defining me as such differences and categorization as an individual in contrast to others, I can potentiate the words/ aspects that I see and realize I am able to expand and implement as ‘who I am’ by correcting the starting point of such relationships in a self-supportive manner.

“I commit myself to – practically utilize my Mind Consciousness System  in/as my processes of/as writing/self-forgiveness and self corrective application, to assist/support me with identifying/exposing/revealing my accepted and allowed self-separation from/of all as me, as I see/realise/understand that the Mind has become the embodiment of/as all the relationships I had created/manifested in/as separation of/as me.” [1] Sunette Spies

This is a key-point here as the Mind is our direct and explicit in-detail map to see where and how we have directly separated ourselves from within this physical reality, it’s like your Google Earth wherein we can actually use it to become really specific in our creation process as an equalized being.

Each one of us walks a different ‘path of separation,’ and in that, we are all equally and one walking the process of correcting the relationships of separation toward ‘the whole,’ which means that each one is walking different aspects of self that we have separated ourselves from, according to the energetic experiences a definitions we have imprinted to everything and everyone that we have deemed as separated from self.

A quick example when I realized this in the past – yet in a very rudimentary mode – is how when we established words to ‘name’ everything and everyone in separation of ourselves, we immediately differentiate ourselves ‘from that which we name.’ The moment we have a tag/ label/ name toward something/ someone it became a relationship that creates an experience that is different/ unique to each person, as each person has only ever really experienced ‘themselves’/ ourselves as our mind, never really ever ‘felt another,’ or ‘experienced’ the same as others do, because we all have lived words through different experiences and moments that builds up ‘who we are.’

We can’t possibly experience the same or associate words toward the same energetic experiences – it is because of this that we have all in fact been ‘lost in translation,’ trying to establish ‘connection’ as relationships toward people/ things/ places because that’s all we have ever known ourselves to be: an individual that is separate from the whole = seeks to connect/ create relationships all the time, which can only exist at a mind level. So it doesn’t even matter if you are with another or not, as long as we had our mind as the faithful companion, we agreed to remain subservient to any physical reality that was obviously of separation and energy-sucking from one another, as well as the entire Earth and its resources.

So – what the hell are we doing here? Healing/ repairing/ correcting/ mending the primordial separation from each other as the whole. That is by each one taking on their mind as their ‘set of separations’ that is ‘unique’ as a configuration within each one – yet equal to all within the mechanisms that generated such relationships, which are energy-based and generators at all times. Hence, what each one of us in this process is walking is the manifested separation through our accepted and allowed ‘living’ of words in separation of who we have become As such words in separation of self as one and equal. This is all of what we gave-a-name to as something ‘outside’ of ourselves.

There might have even been a moment in your life that you saw yourself thinking ‘what if this is all that I am? What if I am only thinking this reality’? Well, we were and still are only thinking the reality that is simply here, manifested and doesn’t require us to think about it to exist. This means that the only way to equalize ourselves is to stop thinking and creating further relationships as experiences ‘toward’ this reality, but instead live and experience the actual physicality that is here as myself, as my body, as the environment that I can simply direct myself within and without, minus the constant generation of experiences about it.

I represent a set of points of separation – you represent another set of points of separation – we all together walk our sets of points of separation and in that, our part is contributing to the whole correction that is required within this world to establish best for all living-relationships that will enable each other to finally enjoy, express, be boundless yet living by equal and one principles - that’s the point here. And through correcting such relationships – because the only correction possible is equality and oneness as life – we will have as an inevitable outflow from such application, an physical change in the way that we interact, communicate, establish relationships as the new way to live/ exist in this world. The way that we see each other is changing already – if you have been duly aware of this – we are becoming aware of, for example, to what extent we would dare to project our own self-created mind-maze of relationships and self-depreciation onto others – unacceptable, yet we thank ourselves for being able to walk Self Forgiveness for all that which we have used and abused in the name of a personal delusional – and abusive – self-glorification.

So this is self-support for me to see how the points I had realized in a rather vague way did make sense and that I wasn’t only divagating. And this comes from the direct experience that I would get when becoming a bit ecstatic about these realizations during school mostly, and would share them with others and people would mostly stare back with what I judged being a ‘yeah-right’ type of attitude, not really caring or probably understanding what I was trying to say – such as the cookie theory and this point of primordial separation of who we are as words. Again, I’m not going into the elusive ‘god’ creation that is believed to be superior, this is about self-realization of who we are as god, an equal and one meaning as the only definition/word/value/experience that can exist: Life in Equality.

Equality is the main correction to implement within the definition of Life as what’s always been here, equal and one – yet our experiences toward life and everything had not been of equality, which is why we are now walking this process to equalize ourselves as life.

So, what does this all mean then? That I have to walk each tidbit of association that I created an energetic experience toward, beginning with how engaged and/or compromised I became toward the experience of myself ‘as myself,’ as a personality/ego and ‘my precious’ creation that I was directing to fulfill my personal wishes and desires that could only stand in separation of the common sensical realization that: I can only be fully happy, living in absolute self-realized self-expression IF standing one and equal as everything and everyone that is equally here as myself- there is no other way.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live a life wherein I sought to create relationships toward others in separation of myself, in the name of creating me an experience that I could call ‘life/living.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having lived a life of self-interest wherein I didn’t realize that the only driving-factor for everything that I did, was always seeking an energetic experience that I could keep as ‘memories’ that I could later on utilize to satisfy my memory-needs of identifying myself a my past, as my friends/ family/ partners/ living places that I have defined as ‘pieces of me,’ that I have kept for the sake of the usual memorabilia that I was looking forward to keep until I was very old and I could use such memories to generate the same experiences that would have led me to ensure I ‘keep this moment as a memory’ in order to satisfy my mind’s desire to remain ‘alive,’ within myself, missing the obvious common sense wherein: who I am cannot be only a memory kept throughout the years, that is gone in one moment and can be distorted to suit my personal needs, wants, desires. Who I am cannot possibly be a memory or an experience.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever seek creating, forming and establishing relationships to people, places according to my self-created configuration that determined how I viewed/ saw ‘my life’ as an accumulation of memories, data, knowledge that I could later on use to enhance my value, my worth and my own experiences b keeping/ freezing such moments as ‘who I am.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself to being a single memory rolling and repeating itself aimlessly, I realize that I had become a memory-collector in order to continue ‘identifying’ and building myself as a personality that I wanted to eventually be able to be proud of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a life of self interest wherein every person I sought to ‘connect with,’ every place that I created an attachment toward and every thought as an experience that I believed was ‘me,’ were in fact only in the name of creating me a nice and apparently fulfilling experience as a record-keeping that I could be satisfied with at the end of my days.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish my lifetime to a single memory-collector, specifically being aware of imprinting/ keeping/ saving the moments that I had decided was the way that I want to ‘remember myself,’ and in that I developed such an emotional attachment to it, with a definitive conscious participation to deliberately do so, that It’s taken me a while to go actually disengaging from the memories as the experiences that I created toward others, which is revealing in itself how much effort, time and consistency I lived toward the idea of myself as my personality, of others, of places, or events in my life that I had deemed as ‘valuable.’

I realize that it is only through me stopping valuing things, people, places in separation of myself can be actually begin to understand what living a principle of equality would actually mean.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even become proud of myself as my creation, as my personality because of the amount of time I had ‘invested upon myself’ which lead me to then fear losing it, which would have meant the obvious: I have brainwashed myself all this time. I see how we all have this ‘voice in the head’ that comes and allows you to know and realize what is it that we are in fact existing as, believing ourselves to be, and that it is such voice that I must bring here as words, to assist and support me to get to know myself, to learn how I created, built and connected such dots as words that have defined my individual experience here toward myself and others – and through applying self forgiveness on it, walking the self corrective application, we can actually make of this process something that is simply what it is, having to withdraw from the main platonic relationship we have created which is: the relationship with our own mind.

Once that is walked, debunked, Self-Forgiven, Self-corrected, we will be able to understand what such separation actually revealed of ourselves.

All in all, what I suggest is to make of this process not a tortuous process wherein we see the point of letting go of ‘who we are’ as our mind as standing underneath the scaffold all the time, which is and can only be painful if we are always at the expectancy of the blade running down all of a sudden, when in fact, such egocide can be as painless, as simple and as gentle as we make decide it to be. In the end, this is about Self-Creation, isn’t it? What type of God would want to continue self-flagellation in the name of purification? None.

So – we walk, here as breath, unconditionally letting go and re-establishing that primordial separation is the only answer to Life Here: Ourselves. We require to create a new system that can enable the possibility for all beings to walk this process, as that is what we would like others to do for ourselves in such positions. That’s how we require to establish the Equal Money System to ensure that all Life’s needs are guaranteed for all human beings and in that, take the first move to deconstruct the system of illusion and delusional values that we have created in the name of keeping our mind-bubbles alive. We are here to burst our bubbles.

Support yourself, Support Life

self creation - tree of life

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Blogs of the day:

[1] As Within = So Without: DAY 12
Day 12: BrainWashing and Mind Control

 

Recommended Book:

Virus Free Mind by Bernard Poolman 

 

abril 25, 2012

Day 12: Goodbye Self-Deprecation

I share about the (cool/ awesome/ astounding/ flabbergasting) realization that has been brewing these past days and weeks. I had merely opened up the self-image point a few days ago in Day 8: My body is Not an Image and Anu was sharing about this point in a recent interview (Reptilians - The Human Picture - Part 25) about how such image that we hold about ourselves, occupies the entirety of our moment as ‘who we are,’ which is then walking/ “living” as a constant image that implies this is ‘how’ we interact with each other and the world: according to how I have allowed myself to create such image and the plethora of memories as words with experiences that I have kept in order to give myself an identity, a meaning, a value – all in separation of the simplicity of life as who we really are.

I’ve been in a process of realizing – as a direct result of being hearing Anu’s mind blowing interviews – how we are keeping ourselves entertained with this diluted energy that we call emotions, feelings and thoughts, which was a point that marked a difference in my experience toward any bit of fixation I had created toward something or someone. I realized to what extent I was diminishing myself and occupying my mind with bullshit. It really was a turning point – and it’s been probably over a month now from that point which was opened up in one of the first interviews of his series; it is absolutely pointless wasting breaths going in cycles around the points that we already know are Not beneficial at all. Becoming this character out of habit is only confirming that we are willing to abuse life in order to keep our masochism ‘alive’ – unacceptable, even more so when we are fully aware of these mechanisms and have heard nothing else but: stop participating in your mind!

As I walked and realized this, I said to myself that I must share this with the world, because COME ON! How on Earth can we continue living being preoccupied with each other and fearing being judged and judging ourselves for what we believe is cute or ugly or whatnot! I mean what the fuck? That is and should be left as what it is, as part of our past as the robots we accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become in the name of some mirage of personal glory– we’ve done it Enough times already in our eternal cycles, being busy with the same bullshit over and over and over again. This is the time to Stop it for once and for all.

It is Not necessary to continue At All in allowing a single iota of self-judgment that may rear in the back of our head. Now, I realize that this is easily said and that there is an absolute process to walk to actually live it, but by placing the ‘cards straight on the table’ I create a point of reference for myself and others equally reading this, to support themselves to see this as straightforward and as simple as it is. I commit myself to make it known to what extent we are abusing life just to keep our mind-realm of self-abuse alive, the perfect trap that we all accepted as the usual ‘misery’ in life – come on! How can LIFE be miserable? Only our experience as the mind, as an individualized and separated perception that emerged through friction can think that – how can we trust something that is lit up just with the flick of a switch, like a light bulb? It is really as simple as stopping all participation in such pet peeves, because these thoughts can come up as ‘casual’ as anything else, and they are accepted because we have all tacitly agreed that ‘Oh well, this life’s got its ups and downs, and nothing can ever work out well and it’s best to only live your life to the max and die happily with tons of memories in your memory-card’ No way.

We cannot possibly - at this stage and having the opportunity to birth ourselves as life in this life – continue existing with such massive self-inflicted limitations.

It takes time to get to a point like this, it’s taken us our entire existence for ‘god’ knows how long and we cannot possibly fuck it all up this time because of wanting to remain as and continue preserving our mental masochism that can only ‘run’ if the physical is abused. How many times have we judged/ criticized people that extract natural resources from the Earth indiscriminately? I have, tons of times- did I ever accept myself as an equal abuser? Hell no, I did not even consider it that way – I was more on the side of ‘save the planet’ while being constantly judging myself or generating depressions just to have something to create an experience about in my mind toward the idea of myself.

This is how, again, the Desteni material, the current interviews are the best gifts you could ever possibly give to yourself – nothing is as ‘worthy’ as realizing that we can in fact Do This – and I haven’t ever been ‘this certain’ in my life before – or my existence, probably – and by this I don’t mean certain of a particular outcome/result, but certain as self-acceptance, as confidence that I am - slowly but surely being accepting as myself, getting myself Here and hearing the words that I probably have always longed to hear to stop my personal infatuation for once and for all.

Stopping participation is then not an experience, I’ve noticed how the less I feed my obsessions, the less they remain, the less I participate in immediate judgments, the easier it is to face myself for ‘what I am’ without adding the layers of judgments to it. Living this way is like a constant filter, the Self Honesty filter, because what remains in the moment is what I see and realize I am able to apply/ use/ implement as Self-Support which means is one and equal no matter from whom or where I take it from – I see and realize that all that will eventually remain is only that which is able to be lived and applied by others as equals. This means that the character/ idea of myself won’t remain, that all memories, pictures, ideas that I have believed myself to be are not real and will not remain as it is Not who I really am. What remains is myself here as the presence and essence of that which I am made of, the substance that exists here without requiring me to have/ load an archive of pictures, experiences and memories to define myself every moment that I can instead simply be and exist here.

I’ve slowed myself down not even within a ‘desire’ or ‘wanting to slow down,’ but simply by deliberately becoming  aware of myself, which I have been experiencing for the past weeks as like an alien on my own two feet. I’ve walked in this body for a quarter of century and I can probably say that I am only now beginning to appreciate my body for the first time. I‘ve got a lifetime of constant and silent self-deprecation on my back, through having judged my physical appearance and myself – as ‘everyone else does,’ which is unacceptable from each other, really – I am walking the acceptance that I see is here as myself within the understanding of how much I had blinded – blind-dead – myself from myself-here the obvious point missed. If you are not thinking-yourself, what remains is Living As yourself – by yourself it is to be understood as the physical body that is flesh, bones, the blood flowing that is constantly moving and we had blinded ourselves from even experiencing that constant flow within ourselves - there can be no judgment/experience in that, it just is and it becomes an obvious abuse the moment that we fly away to feed the old habits.

This is also an aspect of the application of taking on ‘one single point’ that I’ve been applying on a daily basis which is: stopping judgments toward people on the streets or around me. This is stopping all the automated ‘profiling’ wherein I immediately scan a person and can ‘imagine’ their life and what they are all about. So, I’ve been aware of how some thoughts are just automatically ‘there’ and how I have to go by without me participating in it in any way. I must extend that now to things and animals that I encounter, not placing any emphasis when seeing cats or dogs, which is then also creating an experience within myself toward them.

It’s just like the point that I described in lugubrious romantic. Every single day after I wrote that blog, I’ve seen a dead animal or bird – mostly birds – on the pavement – I’m not joking here: every single day. In those moments I’ve then walked the words that I had scripted, and it wasn’t just ‘once’ that I could stop it, and it’s gone. The point emerging everyday makes it very obvious on how this is about walking as a constant and consistent stopping, a living self forgiveness wherein the subsequent days I had to continue not participating/ engaging into the ‘moment capturer’ personality, as the ingrained aspect of the personality I would charge up within the entire idea of myself while using the Earth’s resources to keep myself in such personal fixations as the ‘usual’  fleeting possessed moments I would get by being ‘ecstatic’ looking at something.

It doesn’t really matter how much ‘value’ I had given to this point of being ‘fascinated’ by what I see, it’s about the recognition of the ability to stop, regardless of ‘what it is.’ Anu spoke about pictures and even taking pictures which made me laugh for a moment on my application within that which I had also walked in the afore mentioned blog, yet made it even blunter how I could not deny the fact that we have to simply stop playing re-runs of our personalities every time – it’s an old story, it’s limited, it’s constricted, we know where it begins – because we give it the first go – and we know where it ends, because all highs eventually come to low; yet we have developed a relationship with such definitions that we feared losing such definitions lol, it’s like someone that doesn’t want to go out of jail even if their penitence has ended. Are we that self abusive?

Yes, we have been – that’s the stark reality. And this makes it even more clear that we have to absolutely walk this process to let go of all the unnecessary baggage that is only limiting ourselves – how ludicrous, but I’ll stop judging this through amazement on this, it’s simply a realization of how the end of me as the limited idea/belief/perception built and nicely-wrought as this personality that we have all invested our ‘best interest’ in, must go in order for the actual living in Equality to emerge – not as an experience, not as a want, not as a need, not as a desire to ‘be more’ of course – it is the simplest form of acceptance that is able to be embraced here in every breath that I take – it is really that simple to go establishing ourselves here. We determine it= we can live it.  It is absolutely in our hands to do so. We’ve got to turn off the ‘spotlight’ on us in believing that all eyes are always fixating on us, or that we are the ‘main characters’ in this story – that’s just self interest, that’s just the world revolving ‘around me,’ and in that application missing the entire world because of placing something above the rest. Unacceptable.

We are here to stop that forevermore, simply because we have missed the actual living that is as simple as breathing here - no more mindfucks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my breaths here by having spent time accumulating memories, pictures, experiences as ‘who I am,’ and believing that this would be what gives me ‘identity’ and ‘value’ as a person, which is how I invested upon such experiences as energetic personalities that I carefully wrought and quilted as ‘who I am,’ according to the desires, wants and needs that I wanted to fulfill in my world, whatever ‘road’ they would imply, it was still following and desiring that which would apparently ‘make me feel happy,’ which is then how

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live as this ‘me’ that has existed as only a few purposes in life that were aiming to fulfill and ‘achieve’ the ultimate happiness, which became the only way that I could see this life could make ‘any sense,’ which is why I accepted and allowed this world ‘as is’ within the belief, perception that there could be ‘something more’ for us in store after we die, after we have gone through our living peripeteia and eventually ‘win’ something that could mean an eternal satisfaction, which can only be created because of the inherent acceptance and allowance of existing As separation from self as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live within such a mind-possession for such a long time, and for all the past lives that I have spent fixated on myself, my image, my personality, my wants, my needs, my desires that were only ‘there’ to keep me occupied and that I accepted as a form of ‘living’ while missing the actual living in every single moment that I would rather create myself an experience through emotions and feelings to pretend that ‘I’m alive,’ other than simply living in self-acceptance here, as breath, as myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live in such a perpetual self-abuse through constantly judging myself and existing only as this judgment that I would project onto others, compare myself-with and define myself-as, while actually judging people that would deplete/ abuse the natural resources on Earth for the sake of keeping our entire system in place – which implies that I always sought to be ‘free from blame,’ and believe myself to be innocent from such “atrocities”simply because of denying the basic point which is me existing in/as this world, equal and one with everyone else that is equally responsible for such abuse simply because of ALL having accepted and allowed the submission, abuse and degradation of life through a system of energy that must always consume to remain alive. This is our current system and

I commit myself to walk the necessary self-alignments to live the equal-value that I see and realize is the common sensical way of living that must be implemented on Earth through the Equal Money System as the solution to allow us all to see/ realize that the only way to live an actual satisfactory life on Earth, is through giving and receiving in equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from ‘the abusers,’ simply because I thought myself to be a ‘world saver’ without ever being aware of how within me and my ‘personal life’ being a bundle of emotions and feelings and judgments, I was being equally supporting the degradation/ abuse and total annihilation of life because of disregarding the fact that, for my mind to exist as an experience, I must use what Is here as this physical reality that I consume in order to transform such physical energy into mind energy to keep my mindfucks alive. By mindfucks I understand, all the experiences that would give me a certain experience that I would deem as ‘my life,’ ‘my living,’ regardless of them being positive or negative, I seemed to equally solace with both, as long as I was ‘experiencing’ something, which demon.strates the level of addiction we’ve lived toward our own mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself that I had only lived as an egotistical character that could only generate experiences, thoughts for self-satisfaction in either a ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ and now realizing even neutral experience As a constant experience, as a constant self-created confirmation of ‘I am here as y mind,’ while abusing my body as the life that it is made of to do so.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become so oblivious to the reality that is here, taking it for granted simply because of regarding ‘my experience’ as something ‘more important’ to be aware of/ take care of other than the actual reality that is here, that is existing as the ‘food for thought’ in a literal manner, abused and neglected and depreciated to only being ‘fuel,’ instead of realizing it is equal and one as myself, as life, as everything that is equally here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel the abuse of life through my very own participation in thoughts, feelings, emotions that would keep the ‘idea’ of me in place. Now this is not to believe that I can now ‘stop thinking’ and ‘stop abusing,’ it is about understanding the separated-value (value in itself is already a separation, but just to make it clear) that I have placed onto everything/ everyone in separation of myself – which means, that Equalizing myself as such ‘values’ which is the absolute integration of myself as everything that is here – I can simply become the director of it to establish myself as relationships that work for all as equal and one – no abuse will be allowed in that, yet it is possible to change the starting point of everything that is here through me committing myself to be the one point that begins to do so.

That is then, taking the first steps of self-awareness as a creator: who am I willing to be and become now that I see, realize and understand what and who I really am. It is plain simple to see that: if friction has only caused this extent of abuse and obvious separation, causing me to always ‘seek for fulfillment’ outside of myself – the obvious solution is then: reintegrating all separated parts as myself here wherein I commit myself to walk each thread that I have separated myself from, point by point, moment by moment, until standing equal and one with what is here is not only a statement, but a living realization that is able to be implemented every moment that I stop the inherently accepted separation of myself as an energetic experience through thinking, believing and perceiving myself to be ‘marlen’ only – the idea of myself that exists as the product of limitation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create experiences within myself toward my physical body, toward my image, my personality in means of believing that ‘this is who I am and this is what I have to cultivate’ – wherein this statement became a lifetime investment of self-interest while being aware of how everything that I wanted, desired could be obtained by playing the game that is predictable and mechanic. I realize that this is not ‘good or bad,’ it is simply the starting point that I can now change/ adjust and within that, not demonize my mind, my experiences – it is about now standing equal to who and what I am as this physical body, as the direction that I am asserting as myself and being willing to change the starting point of these relationships that I created in separation of myself – as desires, wants and personal needs – into a best for all starting point, which is then the only way we can ensure that we do achieve a best for all goal.

See one of the pivotal points here is something that Anu describes in the interview Reptilians - Engineering God - Part 26 about what is it that we are really doing/walking/ realizing within this process wherein, it’s not about now becoming ‘empty’ and walking as zombies – but simply how to be able to stop existing as possessed mind-zombies and actually realize, recognize and accept the actual power that exist when we equalize ourselves as our mind, as everything that we have believed ourselves to be and instead, learn how the mind works and use it, as an equal-and one part of myself to create what’s best for all.

And that, was a mindblowing point that I can assure will come eventually or has come already to a realization within our process. To place this all into perspective: I’ve been ‘digesting’ all that I’ve been listening and it’s simply amazing, but not the experiential amazing that ‘makes me feel good’ but an actual realization of what the fuck we have missed throughout life: ourselves.

We are in ‘the moment’ where we can stand as absolute creators of ourselves – and this is not some type of ‘grandiose’ statement – in fact, I should not even place such disclaimer as it is only the absolute, totality, wholeness that exists here as myself – any point of ‘grandiosity’ has only been generated by my mind that feared being or even considering myself as ‘the whole,’ why would that be? Only a a mind can exist in self-deprecation and self-depreciation, and this, my fellow droogs, must stop.

: D

Blogs of the Day:

vlog:
2012: 7 Year Process - Stopping Judgements