mayo 30, 2012

Day 46: Free Choice Godhood

 

“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”
― Charles Bukowski

 

I read some of Bukowski’s books in the past and had a great time identifying with the type of cynicism that would point out: everything is fucked, live fast and die young, enjoy life to its utmost degree of ‘fuck it all’ type of view upon my own existence. Oh man, did I get myself into my own conundrum when such self-created highs and lows started wearing out as fast as they emerged – dissatisfaction reigned over and I saw myself once again pondering about ‘God’ and this existence. Luckily enough, I found Desteni at the time right before I was about to get my ass-sent into some real lightworking behaviors that I would have most likely regretted in my life. I stopped myself before going deep into the rabbit hole, I cut all habits that kept me in such ‘li(e)fstyle’ and gave myself the opportunity to find out what it was to really live.

I found this quote in a series of comments within a picture that denotes that our educational system is a fraud, as it only creates suitable conditions to ‘succeed’ for those that have the inherent physical skills/abilities to do so, which means that we have accepted a mono-tone educational system that is mostly designed to segregate those that ‘do not fit in the profile’ of  ‘making it’ in the system, as being the type of obedient servant that will do anything to obtain the ever elusive dream-like lifestyle where wealth is the god at the end of the hard long road through hell, which means: walking our current reality as the system we have spawned here.

In the past I would have mostly agreed with Bukowski’s quote whole-heartedly as it ‘makes sense’ and does have a cool input in terms of reality/ world systems and pondering where is ‘life’ in that. However the intention and resolution for what’s being realized/ observed is directed toward ‘live well (read: hedonism), drink, have a good time, laugh, be pliable and wait till you die’ and this is then from the belief  that we as human beings have any ‘say’ upon ‘who we are’ and what we decide to live and do. This is reinforced and stated clearly as ‘I am my own god’ which is certainly a statement that can only be made at a mind level in the afore mentioned terms of perceived ‘free choice’ as living a life of positive-experiences and pleasures. Such godly statement requires a lot more understanding than the rightful act to ‘do as you please’ in the name of ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ which are the greatest human-made scam-concepts directed to create a righteousness that stands on the feet of any form of humbleness to realize: we have never in fact lived - therefore we’ve never had any form of actual free choice, we have only been the outflow and consequence of a primordial abdication of life to an energetic system that we’ve dubbed as ‘living.’

From here: how can any form of ‘Free Choice’ and ‘Free Will’ exist? It can’t – all our choices are ‘damned’ from the very moment that we as a whole went in for a ‘ride’ to see ‘what it would be/feel like’ to experience something’ = to ‘live’ a surrogate experience as ‘living’  instead of wholeness of/as  life, as who we really are.

I am aware that this eternal longing/ yearning to ‘return to the whole’ has been a constant topic in various artistic/ literature/ sociological subjects – however, all attempts to ‘get back to the whole’  have been conducted through more knowledge and information in the form of self-indulgent philosophies, religions, practices, art statements, anthropological/ scientific postulates – yet,  never ever walked as a process of Self-Forgiveness wherein knowledge and information is but a tool to recognize the point  of separation, but never the answer.

Through Self Forgiveness we recognize our direct responsibility to the fuckup of creation that we have spawned as a consequence of the primordial separation that is and has become ‘all we’ve ever known.’ For that, I suggest reading the following blog from Day 1: Heaven’s Journey to Life.

We are in a crossroads point in reality wherein the only ‘choice’ that is possible is: stand up and dedicate yourself to Life/ living and becoming part of a new world that is willing to consider, respect, honor each other and every single life form as one and equal – or remain as a finite energetic system that is only pursuing happiness through ‘being your own god’ and having a good time until death comes and everything is simply gone without having ever lived. The choice seems quite obvious to me – yet reality proves that not many are willing to commit themselves to live in a world of equals.

I’ve chosen Life – however it has nothing to do with ‘having a good time’ – it’s actually quite the opposite in terms of stopping any feel-good experience for the mind. It is stopping the mind as in stopping myself from being a single organic robot that is constantly bouncing from highs and lows in life, being a perpetual addict for energy, which is using the Earth’s life, transforming it into energy that we give different names/ categories as experiences through accepting emotions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, and perceptions as ‘who I am.’ Now, I have realized all of the above is everything that I am not – meaning: everything that I had deemed as part of ‘my own control’ upon my so-called ‘life’ - which includes having ‘chosen’ and made ‘decisions’ on who/what/how/ with whom/ where I want to experience myself in - have only been a consequential outflow that has always been dictated by the condition we all emerged from– and this is not only in terms of family/ society/ current world system – but seen from the initial existential emergence as who/ what we are now, which is only the manifested consequence of separation.

That ‘One Choice’ was subordinating our wholeness to an energetic system of perpetual enslavement – and for that, all that has been considered as ‘godly’ in the earthly realms of a hedonist lifestyle, must be debunked and exposed for the false-creation of ‘freedom’ as one of the pivotal points that encouraged a desensitized society that couldn’t care-less about reality other than satisfying one’s own idea of life, which has nothing to do with an actual living reality that is simply here, self breathing oxygen, nurturing our physical body and learning how to walk through directing ourselves as our own two feet – it does get that ‘simple’ in terms of having always only taken our mind for a ride, but never our body – and in that, we learn how to start walking on our own two feet while developing awareness of our physical body as we do so. This can be both literal and metaphorically speaking – however I am speaking in the more literal sense here.

The ‘path’ of self forgiveness may seem of absolute asceticism for many from the perspective of not indulging in the usual earthly desires and fixes that the majority of the population with  enough money can afford  - be it drugs, food/drinks, sex, entertainment, spirituality, religions, clubs and any other form of evasion of reality that can be bought in this world. Learning how to live means that we start regarding what it is to stop being a single factotum to the mind.  I can say that I’ve never been so ‘whole’ in my life-experience, not having this constant ‘urge’ to go outside and ‘seek something’ anything and all that could allow me to not ‘be here’ with myself, facing the who I am. And this process is explained in great and supportive detail within the interview The Split between two words. The choice then becomes more evident as one proves the ability to live in simplicity rather than being a constant bundle of joy, sadness, madness, anger, depression and suppression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ever had ‘free choice’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that free choice was about ‘doing as I please’ and choosing to live ‘my way’ based on preferences, ideals, beliefs that I had accepted as ‘who I am’ as a mind system that only sought its own replenishment as an energetic machine that requires to be constantly fed in the name of personal satisfaction as the ‘idea of self,’ but never considering Life in Equality as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite life in the name of ‘free choice’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my free choice through intellectualizing reality and believing that ‘I was free to choose what’s best for me,’ without realizing that I had not even in fact understood myself, who I am and what I am doing here – hence all specs of ‘certainty’ could only exist as the certainty of who I am as energy/ mind an idea that has established definitive ways to constantly feed itself/ replenish itself without ever actually considering Life in that equation as who/what I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself toe ever believe myself to have made ‘the right choices’ in my life in order to ‘escape the system,’ through using art as a way to sublimate (separate) myself from my reality, which I am now taking the directive principle to reintegrate back to myself as the physical body that I ignored while trying to be something ‘more’ than myself as a physical body that breaths, eats, shits, exists and interacts with everything else in relationships that must now be equalized/ walked in a self-directive principle of equality.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my choice was ‘to not believe in God’ and give-up ‘God’ to become ‘my own God’ as a way to exert what I deemed was my ‘free choice’ and ‘free will’ which can only mean: doing everything that will please my ego/ senses and neglect the actual life that allows such pleasures to exist. This means that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘Free Choice’ as an excuse to split myself between serving two gods: the mind and its pleasures and an apparent respect for life through deeming this ‘free choice’ as any form of ‘liberation,’ without ever realizing or considering that all my choices were damned from the get go, and that any ideal of freedom based on experiences, was only me reinforcing the initial separation and enslavement of who I am as a single experience that seeks for ‘more’ once that the effect runs out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could ever be free through creating an ‘alternate path’ within wanting to be ‘outside of the system’ and ‘contradicting the system’ as the mainstream popular culture and opposing political regimes and creating alternate versions of ‘freedom’ through self-sustainable living, which was only caring about my own life/ my own experience instead of ever considering myself as the whole that had to create a solution for the whole and based on practical living reality, which implies that No Solution can be created upon the current monetary system that is standing as the image and likeness of that primordial choice of living in separation of ourselves as one and equal, and denigrated life into an energetic system that seeks to constantly add-up onto itself to generate an apparent ‘moreness’ of self through experiences, which is and has become our very doom of civilization – see-evil-I-zation wherein the actual evil nature as the effect and consequence of our separation has been made ‘acceptable’ as attitudes, preferences, likes, opinions, beliefs that stand against what’s best for all life – yet we’ve neglected this because: it makes us feel good – in this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate life to a single ‘feel good experience’ that comes and goes and call that ‘free choice,’ while taking the vantage and conceited attitude of being ‘my own god’ by ‘following my own rules,’ without ever questioning who/ what was actually dictating me to seek pleasure, satisfaction, happiness, joy and all the ‘good positive things,’ and what is it that I was actually creating and generating within myself and this entire world system while doing so, which implies that I gave up my ability to Live in/ as oneness and equality as real-Life, and became only a surrogate experience of energetic symptoms that sought to be alleviated by creating further chemical reactions and experiences = adding fuel to the ongoing fire that had emerged from one single spark of friction as the initial/ primordial separation of who I am as one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘my choice to live’ was based on opposing the system and instead, ‘opting’ to live a life of seeking my own satisfaction as what I believed were my intentions/ desire as  dreams, hopes and illusions that I could accumulate throughout my lifetime in order to be able to say ‘I have lived’ and ‘I have made the ‘right’ choices in life’ – deeming ‘right’ as opposing the system through an ‘alternative lifestyle’ that I would then seek to obtain benefits from, as we realize that no one can really be ‘out of the system.’ Yet, vaingloriously proclaim that ‘we do oppose the system/ regime.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that free choice was the ability to laugh at weakness/ the ability to laugh at our own human-oddity and absurdity, which I accepted as a ‘way of living’ wherein I could create an alternate version of reality in my mind wherein I could always have a good laugh about reality, write about, gossip about it with others in order to continue to satisfy our believed ‘alternate living’ as ‘free choice,’ which I used as a way to ‘empower’ myself and see me ‘above others’ that I deemed as ‘less aware’ of what was going on in the world, without realizing that such apparent ‘opting out of the system’ through an ‘alternative lifestyle’ was only a tantrum and conceited ignorant rebellious act as I was never in fact aware of what we have been as humanity, as creation and taking into consideration all of the outflows that such separation would entail -  thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify ‘free choice’ with knowledge and information that suited my own configuration/ personality as preferences and opinions that I deemed to be ‘correct’  - obviously, as we are all ‘gods’ in our own heads always thinking that we are always right and everyone else is just ‘deluded’ and ‘ignorant,’ without ever pondering: why don’t I then walk a process to support others to see what I see? And instead justifying my inaction and deliberate separation through thinking that ‘there is no solution now, we can all just consume, extract the most of it all to ‘be happy’ and die’ which has become a usual statement/ declaration of ‘free choice’ in the world, while neglecting the actual facts of what allows such exertion of ‘free will’ wherein all that is consumed is life and all that has been supported was systems of energy/ separation of who we are as the mind – but never life in/of equality and oneness.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I choose to live the life of a rebel’ without realizing that in such decision I was simply declaring a perpetual war against myself only, as energy is all that’s created from any form of conflict – hence all that I cared for was replenishing me as energy/mind/ ego personality, without having cared to actually investigate how this world-system functions and  how instead of declaring war against it as a personality-choice, seeing how I could practically become a participant in the system in order to change it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take proud on any form of free choice that ignored the entirety of this world system that exists under the siege of capitalism as a system that ensures that everyone ‘seeks their dreams’ as all those dreams entail supporting the same machinery that generates money of which only a few can get the most benefits of/ from.

I forgive myself that I ever claimed to be ‘my own god’ without even being aware of what breathing does within my physical body, without being aware of every single movement that I make, of every single thought that goes through my head, of every single reaction that I exert as my own creation as a being that has only regarded itself according to being a thinking mind – but never an actual living-being.

I realize, see and understand that ‘being god’ would imply being aware of self as one and equal here, as the totality of ourselves from the very beginning to the very end of who/what we are, which implies that any godly statements have only served as a way to proclaim that I had ‘free choice’ in life, while neglecting the actual physical reality that is here and that I have little to no clue on how it actually operates.

I commit myself to expose free choice as the actual abuse of life in the name of personal interest wherein everything else is simply neglected, deliberately ignored because when existing in such free-choice righteousness, we can only seek to perpetuate our own free-choice as righteousness without questioning ‘too much’ as the mind does not like to reveal itself as the actual-nature of having to be consuming/ depleting/ extracting and sucking dry life in order to continue existing – which is and would be the ‘raw’ truth that is required to explain in order to realize how we are currently the real ‘gods’ in this reality that are causing the current problems in reality of absolute extermination and depletion of life-substances as the Earth’s resources that we live and thrive on.

I commit myself to stop any form of idea of having ‘free choice’ within myself, my life as this has never been my ‘real’ self as one an equal, nor has it been a ‘real life’ but only surviving as a constant system that seeks its own satisfaction. I then stop all forms of seeking this constant satisfaction through experiences, as I see and realize that all choices made from that apparent righteousness can only derive into further separation, further obsession, further enslavement of who I am as mind, as energy.

I commit myself to expose how the world is in reverse and everything that we had deemed as ‘our freedom’ has actually been our own ‘doom’ and demise, therefore explaining and proving how it is only through stopping ourselves from being deliberate energy-seeking drones that we can truly begin to see what living actually is, which entails no conflict, inner friction, fear or any other form of detrimental experience as there can be no experience when being here as life, breathing, living, directing self in and as equality and oneness.

I commit myself to expose the lies that we have bought as ‘living’ and ‘free choice’ as the arrogant instrument with which we have justified the spitefulness and abuse toward life as a way of being ‘righteous’ while accepting and allowing the current state of the world ‘as is’ without ever pondering who we are as active participants within it.

I commit myself to believe that I have any right to ‘my free choice’ and realizing every time that I ‘think’ of having ‘free choice,’ asking myself If my organs have any free choice to decide not to ‘work’ today, or take themselves for a fleeting ride for a moment – which implies that I have only been considering an energetic limitation as ‘who I am,’ instead of standing one and equal as the physical that certainly doesn’t require any ‘free choice’ to exist, as it only Is, lives and expresses as an equal part of the great organism that is this ecosystem, thus

I commit myself to support and become part of the creation of a world in Equality wherein my choices are only what’s best for all and that everything that I do, say, think is based on exerting the will of life and never more serving the god of energy of power/ greed/ desire for money as a way to ‘be free’ in reality, as no one is and will be free unless ALL beings are living free within an Equal Money System wherein Life will be finally respected, honored and acknowledged as an expression and not a choice.

 

"I commit myself to show, how – giving up ‘Choice’ as ‘Free Choice’, as the process of stopping Consciousness/Mind/Energy-Authority and becoming an equal and one living being as Living Words in and as and with the human physical body, and eventually this physical-existence in and as standing as The Decision for and as Life: is the process of giving up one’s enslavement as Consciousness/Mind/Energy, is the process of giving up one’s enslavement to Fear/Fear of Loss, is the process of giving up the One Choice that has eternally damned/enslaved self and all as self within and as existence – and is thus, in this – the process of gifting self, and eventually all Freedom within the context of in fact living in absolute equality and oneness with self as all, and in fact manifest Heaven on Earth as ourselves." Sunette Spies [*]

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mayo 29, 2012

Day 45: Rejoice when Others Fall

How come we haven’t asked ourselves: why do we enjoy and rejoice in seeing others fall?

What’s with our human nature wherein we expect others to fall, in the first place – being waiting for the moment when someone will finally give up and quit whatever point they had committed themselves to and get a ‘good feeling’ out of it, even if you are only an outside spectator of it all. And there’s the other side of the coin when we  as the ‘expected to fall’ individual actually create such ‘fall’ by accepted and allowed thoughts wherein we believe ourselves to be in a quandary, not knowing how to follow, what to do because of having ‘all eyes on you’ = in essence, listening to our voices in the head, the mind as thoughts which will always look for its own ways to continue creating conflict and perpetuating fear.

Conflict creates further uncertainty as the experience of ‘fearing to fall,’ which translates to a general unstable experience of ‘losing one’s ground.’  It’s like taking a thread of yarn and knitting it: one single thread suddenly becomes this thick patterned conglomeration that is no longer simple single thread: it becomes something ‘bigger’ – apparently – yet it is still a thread - it would only take walking backwards that knitting until the thread can go back to be rolled up into the one ball of yarn again. Is the knitting more special or more important than the single thread of yarn coming out of the yarn ball? Point to ponder for how we see – reality and how we add ‘value’ to matter according to the work that’s been put to it.

From the observer’s perspective, as this single thread gets knitted into being ‘more’ and becoming more intricate and with no apparent way out of it: we are only expecting for the moment for such thread to continue getting further into the maze and have no support to ‘come back’ to the single-thread it was, and instead of anyone caring to say: ‘hey, you are making a mess/maze of yourself, you are over-complicating yourself, it’s the other way around,’ we remain idle even when and while looking at the obvious consequences that can pull anyone to a deep end if there is no support available to make another realize: you are going the wrong way! – where is our neighborism when realizing someone is about to ‘hit the ground’ and not do anything to let them know about it? Careless-ness and actual expectation of seeing another fall to make ourselves ‘better’ by being the ones that ‘remain standing.’ This is what adds up to the mess that we believe some one else ‘staged’ for us – really? Let’s just ask ourselves: who are we within such constant expectation and secret mind desire of seeing someone falling, someone losing, someone being kicked out of some place?

Yes, evil in the possession of our very own unconditional flesh. Have a look at entertainment where any form of competition is made a TV reality show and the audience eventually gets more excited about seeing who will lose than who wins or develop and better themselves. We seek tragedy, we like seeing people suffer and be able to judge that from a ‘good standing position.’ Spitefulness toward life that is, carelessness, selfishness as the desire to remain ‘over others,’ wherein we secretly think: great, one mouth less to feed/ one less to fight against in this competition of a dog-eat-dog world.

See how far we’ve driven ourselves wherein instead of caring to promote an answer to the problems in this world that WE created, as to point out why and how we are all co-‘manifestators’ of this reality,  we prefer to spread separation and retaliation even further with no solution at all - and no public opinion is prepared to actually carry enough understanding to propitiate actual education about the functioning of our world/ reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience within me as ‘being powerful/ being more than others’ when seeing others fall/ lose/ get lost as this implies that they are ‘les capable/ able/ stable/ committed/ prepared/ enthusiastic/ hard working’ than me – which is then implying that I am seeing everyone as a potential competitor that I must ‘beat’ in order to feel at ease and feel like being ‘winning’ all the time, which is the experience that comes through blame, spite and abuse toward others in other for me to prevail and remain ‘standing’ in contrast to others, which means that I have reduced myself, my life to being only a comparative conglomeration of knowledge and information that has defined its ‘beingness’ according to others’ as reference point, instead of me being my own reference point as to what it is to stand in Self Honesty where our own thoughts, words and deeds demonstrate our own commitment to life – and allow such thoughts, thoughts and deeds to reveal the ‘true nature’ of what we are accepting and allowing ourselves to exist as the mind only, which means that any form of experience gotten from seeing/ realizing how others are living their own lives is simply spitefulness as the ego seeking to get its positive-energy fix in order to remain within the self-created idea of ‘winning.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of expecting someone to fall in order to prove ‘my point’ which is always that of diminishing others to a single pattern of self-defeatism and preprogrammed flaws wherein I have become the very perpetrator and equal abuse when participating in such hideous backchat that is at all times, seeking to win no matter what, seeking to ‘remain on top’ and ‘beat any enemy,’ which means that I have made of myself my own greatest enemy as I am only competing against myself and expecting myself to fall, which implies that the starting point of my beingness is not here as self equal and one – moment by moment – standing a self-willed, but compromised to being defined according to others and using others as a measurable point to see ‘who I am,’ which is absolute self-deception and self-sabotage as there is nothing and no-one I am actually directing such thoughtful experience of ‘expecting others to fall’ but toward myself only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘who I am’ is able to fall and lose any form of actuals substance in that, wherein all that can be ‘lost’ is the idea that I’ve kept of myself and others in my mind, wherein self-determination in every moment of breath to be here cannot be ‘more’ or ‘less than’ – I realize that I have lived a life wherein a thread of yarn is seen as ‘less than’ an entire sweater, even if the physicality of it is the same, I have placed more value onto the ‘over-wrought’ idea of who I am, while neglecting the fact that the only physicality of it is a single thread of yarn. Within this I realize that I have participated in the value-system that separates life into energy that can be either positive, negative or neutral according always seeking to be ‘the best/ the unbeatable’ as that ultimate positive experience that can only stem from this initial point of conflict as the separation accepted and allowed toward others, and seeing ‘others’ as separate from self, which is only the mind’s ego asserting its specialness in the name of self-glorification as the illusion of ‘winning.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe and be conditioned by the thought ‘all eyes are on me’ wherein I allow myself to compromise myself, my own standing here as it being ‘something’ for others, instead of realizing that with me standing in self-trust and supporting me in the most optimum way, I am simply able to expand that point of support for others in equality, wherein there is no special-generation of satisfaction ‘toward’ others, but remain self-honest in supporting me and share as to extend that same realization in equality.

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to victimize me within thinking that ‘all eyes are expecting me to fall’ wherein I eventually would retreat and ‘get away’ from the spotlight because of believing that ‘I was not able to keep up with it,’ and in that sabotaging myself by having actually heard the voices in my head that were constantly threatening me/ me threatening myself to exist in constant fear, anxiety and paranoia of not being able to follow my schedules, routine and doing things ‘my way,’ wherein I instead allow me to go to the extreme opposite of apparently ‘not caring/ being careless’ which is just a mind’s justification to make my own insecurity, my own self doubt as an experience that was triggered ‘by others’ instead of taking self-responsibility for my own creation at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in fears of ‘falling’ and projecting that onto others when ‘expecting others to fall’ in order to only prove ‘who I am’ as being ‘always right/ being self righteous’ which allows me to then feel better/ more than/ positive about ‘me remaining standing’ which means that any form of competition, rivalry, comparison is just another ingrained aspect of our human behavior in order to survive and participate in the survival of the fittest to make sure that we ‘make our space’ in the dog eat world, wherein we are taught from a very early age that we will be competing and striving to ‘make a living’ for an entire lifetime, without realizing that if we are able to give this to ourselves unconditionally, our entire starting point of human relationships will change as there will be no more energetic dependence as money, actual resources and competition of ideas of self, as all will have an ability to live in dignity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the value-system imposed onto life, wherein I am able to compare myself against others, without realizing that each one’s lives are determined by specific aspects/ contexts that cannot possibly be ‘the same’ in two beings – therefore I realize that any thought related to a positive or negative polarity projected onto another, is simply me as ego, as personality seeking to survive and thrive upon bashing/ diminishing/ proving others wrongs as a way to prove ‘to others’ and myself that ‘I am better/ I can adapt quicker’ which implies that I have reduced my beingness, the physicality of who I am to a single idea that competes and opposes others for the sake of creating enough friction/ conflict in spite, blame and justification in order for me to be able to say: ‘I told you so, I was right’ which is just another egotistical confirmation that ‘I am my mind only’ which is the very brick of self-abuse that must be stopped at all times within myself, and stop projecting such ideas upon others in a constant manner as to be able to ‘have things working my way’ instead of always considering what is best for all life to live and stand as, wherein all beings are equally committed to develop themselves to their utmost potential and no more accept and allow seeds of anger, blame, retaliation and competition to exist.

I realize that within me being the point that stops ‘thinking’ about myself as an ‘ideal’ to uphold in relation to others, this point of survivalism as constant competition ends.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to perpetuate this monetary system that exists as imposed values onto ourselves/ who we are as one and equal in the name of our personal positive experience wherein our very nature is revealed as that of spite, abuse and constant competition in order for me to obtain my glory, attention and deification of who I am as personality/ energy/ ego as the mind through values that are translated into being successful/ surviving in this system wherein life is neglected and all that remains is money for one’s own personal power and glorification.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself t deny support to another just because of wanting to ‘see them fall’ and get my positive experience out of it, which is plain evil yet this is how the mind actually operates wherein we would rather see someone hanging from a cliff and get a kick out of it instead of unconditionally moving ourselves as equals wherein such extreme would not even exist as we would prevent at all times another from even getting close to the cliff, as I realize that the only one that I am spiting, abusing and excusing is myself as my own ego – thus, at all times when and I see myself waiting to see someone fall, I realize that I am only exerting the evil nature that I am here to correct, in the name of who we are as one and equal wherein all ego, all desires to win and be ‘above others’ is stopped at the very insinuation that implies seeing another fall for our own benefit and ‘position,’ rather than unconditionally supporting to walk as equals and realize that anything that leads us to ‘fall’ is self-created at a mind level = it is not who we really are and are able to stop, self forgive, correct it and make sure we do not allow ourselves to be defeated by our own participation in the mind.

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to believe that we were born to compete and strive to get ‘the most of the cake’ within this world, wherein the ‘fall’ from another would signify one more chance for me to ‘make it’ and ‘be on top’ and ‘be the winner,’ which is only the consequence and outflow of our current monetary system that is implying that we cannot possibly exist as equals as that would imply the very death of our ideal of specialness, superiority, power and control over others, which is precisely what must be stopped in order for life in equality to be established as a living principle at all times toward all living beings in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see competition as a form of entertainment wherein I haven’t realized that I actually enjoy and get a positive experience out of seeing someone fall and get kicked-out/ lose as a way to vicariously experience the triumph in an imaginary way which is what the media’s purpose is about: generating experiences within the mind at the safety of your own couch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that who I am in this very desire of seeing someone fall is the absolute possession of evil as the evil nature of my own mind that I have accepted and allowed myself to become, wherein all that mattered is my own survival as ‘the winner’ as the one that is ‘always right’ and in this, seeing another’s fall as another triumph of my own expectations and prejudices toward others being ‘confirmed’ as ‘real,’ because of deeming the mind as something predictable and people as predictable patterns, without realizing that I am obviously within them mind also a predictable pattern that is only seeking to continue existing as that ‘self-righteous winner’ personality at the expense of the suffering and discomfort and actual disgrace that any fall may entail within a being’s life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate the fall/ the death of someone as ‘more space for me’ within the world, which is implying the ultimate self interest wherein I create only a mind relationship toward those that ‘fall’ and ‘who I am’ as one and equal is nowhere to be found, otherwise I would realize that only one that I have been spiting and separating myself from is: myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever consume myself within having constant thoughts of competition, rivalry, jealousy toward others wherein I am only ‘expecting them to fall’ so that I can finally get over with the constant conflict and be ‘alright’ again, ‘safe’ in my mind-throne, instead of realizing that I am able to stand as equal to anyone in this reality without having to create any form of rivalry, as this is only indicating that myself as the ego of the mind is wanting to exert its influence and abuse over life, which is unacceptable and I realize that it is in my hands and will the ability to stop this and any other form of separation that emerges and originates at  a through level – therefore

 

When and as I see myself participating in the very initial thoughts of comparison, jealousy, competition,  judgment toward others’ words, deeds, actions and already implying that they are ‘wrong’ and ‘I do it better,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this pattern leads to the self-righteous spiteful act of rejoicing when others fall, which is part of the building blocks of this current monetary system that is standing as the image and likeness of who we are as survivors, as constant opponents that only seek to ‘win’ to ‘thrive’ in this world, while neglecting the actual oneness and equality of life that we actually exist as. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a world wherein the reflection of y own desire to survive, win, be on top and in control of all is manifested as public opinion wherein rejoicing in another’s fall is a usual way of ‘having fun’ and gaining some power over others within our minds by the ability to laugh at their mistakes, falls and personal life problems – which is what political gossip, entertainment industries and any other form of media thrives upon. This implies that I have created an entire industry out of my own evil nature that is seeking to see others fall, ridicule themselves, make mistakes, reveal their ‘true nature’ – while ignoring that the only ‘true nature’ is the one that is able to pay for/ buy/ consume such type of entertainment as a way to make ourselves feel ‘good’ for a moment in the safety of our own room.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to proliferate an industry based on sensationalism wherein the reader is voyeuristically entertaining themselves through the stories/ images that depict the fall, the ridicule, the abject depiction of reality and create a ‘good experience’ of it by deeming it as entertainment, which is and has become one of the most profitable and abusive industries within entertainment, which reveals what makes the masses content is seeing another fall/ fail and ridicule themselves which proves that: this world is the undeniable creation of every single thought, backchat, spitefulness, judgment, comparison and competition that we form as Added Values to a reality that is simply physical and that should Not be subject of any form of lucre – yet it exists as a lucrative business due to the nature that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as. Therefore, all abuse begins and ends with ourselves.

I commit myself to stop all forms of thinking/ backchatting in relation to expecting others to fall in order to prove myself ‘right’ and feel good about it, as I realize that this is the very nature of a system that we have accepted and allowed as ‘who we are’ which is promoting the principle of divide and conquer as the way to perpetuate the illusion of power and control over others – I realize that it is only through each one of us committing ourselves to stop as this constant projection of self-interest as the desire to always  win, be on top, be powerful and  in control of others that we can establish an equal and one relationship from the realization that who we are as physical beings can coexist in  equality without requiring to fight against each other to live – within this

I commit myself to create and establish a world system wherein Life is the only value that exists wherein no more survivalism will perpetuate the constant strive to live, fight to be ‘on top’ and exist in any form of self-righteous ‘power over others,’ as this will be proven to be the illusion and delusion of our mind as ‘our nature’ that sought to be always ‘more’ than who and what we already are as one and equal. This implies that reality as a living-physicality does not require to fight against each other to thrive, it is only the mind that seeks constant conflict in order to gain the most energy from it to continue existing and perpetuating itself as the occupier of this physical reality – which only implies that I commit myself to give myself back to myself all the relationships of separation that I have created as my mind, as the nature of ‘who I am’ as the result of the initial separation that I chose to ‘live’ within my exertion of self-righteousness over matter, over the physical – of which the consequences are now being visibly realized by all participants in this world.

I commit myself to reveal how it is that it is absolutely possible to exist as equals the moment that all forms of separation is stopped within our own minds, which implies that I walk the process to first stop me as my own backchat and participation in any form of comparison and projected superiority/ inferiority toward others in order to be able to stand in equality with other human beings walking the same process in order to finally stand as the new human nature that we all want to be and exist as, once that we have freed ourselves from our own cage that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as in/ as our own minds.

I commit myself to expose the evil nature of our beingness that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become that rejoices in seeing others fall, in ridiculing and mocking others in the name of personal power wherein the only statement that is being presented is ‘I only feel good about myself when seeing others’ misery within falling’  and exposing the great profit that such vicarious entertainment is generating in this world, which proves that we would rather enjoy seeing others’ misery than walking a process to stop such evil nature and dare ourselves to become the point that stops any form of abuse toward another in the name of ‘personal power’ that can only exist as a form of abuse using the very life that keeps us breathing/ alive in the name of a mindfuck that gives a temporary kick as pleasure, as an addiction that we have all been consumed with/ and gotten money from.

 

I realize that the mind is able to be re-programmed, re-educated in order to serve life, serve all as equals wherein we act, speak and do that which is at all times considering life in equality – who am I as one and equal, which implies that there is no way to further continue our own separation if we are only directing ourselves according to the physical reality that is here to work with in tangible and physical matters that pertain all in this reality.

Thus, to stop the con-fusion and self-doubt that is experienced within a world wherein everything is just lies to make money, we have to make ourselves our own point of self-direction through developing common sense in a proper structure of self-support,  such as walking the Desteni I Process  as a lifetime commitment to Learn How to Live and start stopping the usual nastiness that comes when seeing others as ‘more’ than ourselves and waiting them to fall so that we, in our secret mind – can always end up winning against others. The only way to stop seeing your fellow human as an enemy is through walking the opposition and discord existent within ourselves, individually toward ourselves  through writing, applying self forgiveness and developing self-honesty to finally start living in consideration of who we are as one and equal.

Dare to expose the real evil in you as it is only through revealing to each other the very ‘secrets’ in our minds, that we can stop that binding bondage to our own damnation that emerges from a single thought that we accept in the name of personal power and identification – thus, through making ourselves aware of this, we are able to start getting to know ‘who we are’ within seeing others fall, who we are within participating in gossip, who we are within watching media/ news that make fun of politicians – who we are within bashing others in the name of personal glorification as ‘knowing better,’ while neglecting the fact that life has no preference, life has no value, life is not knowledge and life will never exist in a mind that believes itself to be superior to anything or anyone in this reality.

It’s Life’s way now.

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mayo 28, 2012

Day 44: The Evil Veil of Me

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever pursuit the positive in life and believing that that was ‘the path’ that I had to walk as it would make me be a ‘better human being’ while neglecting the fact that such positive energy was in fact the result of the actual evil as the bastardization of life to energy wherein I made sure that ‘who I am’ as a point of separation from the whole always stands on the ‘positive side’ which I allowed myself to deliberately ‘stick to,’ regardless of the actual inner-experience that would come up when being possessed with anger and obsessive thoughts as a child, which then developed into generating a double experience within myself wherein within the outside I would present an affable and charismatic persona, but in the inside I judged my very own participation as I knew that it was only fake and ‘to get by’ within the standards of society that I always accepted as ‘how things are’ without daring to really question it as to How it is that we were all just playing games of pretending to care about each other.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to exert that inner inexplicable irritation toward myself as a child as a gnawing experience that I would then try and exert out as annoyance, annoying others and seeking attention because I did not know why I was experiencing such inextricable physical discomfort wherein I just wanted to peel myself off of my physical body.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop obsessions from a very young age wherein I would feed my obsessions with constantly thinking about something until I would get it, and I would then experience the temporary relief of finally ‘achieving’ something that I wanted, only to find something else to obsess about in no time, which is how I became used to being holding on to a future-experience of self-gratification which is how we are currently living as beings that only care about the immediate instant-gratification wherein there is no actual regard for that which we are consuming in the name of such gratification.

I forgive myself that I always accepted and allowed myself to believe that through sticking to the positive self-experience I was being a ‘good being in existence’ without ever, ever imagining that this is the actual evil of this world as all the spiritual beliefs and ideas of positive, light and benevolence stem from the very acceptance of that inherent separation of who we are as one and equal, thus becoming a worshiper of the very evil that has leads us to exist in the current state we’re living in as humanity, which is now, more clear than ever, that is taking a toll on all of us that believed that we were ‘on the good path’ of walking with and as the ‘good guys’ while neglecting that in reality, it was the other way around.

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to ‘fear the evil’ and react to such word without ever having known that everything we have been and manifested as the consequence of our primordial separation has been evil, pure evil in nature, which then explains how I would constantly hold the thought-pattern about ‘Humanity being evil’ and creating this constant ‘hardening’ experience when being ‘exposed’/ being interacting with human beings as I believed everyone was ‘on to get me’ and ‘against me,’ which explains how retreat, isolation and the desire to simply interact the least possible stemmed from this that I deemed as ‘irrational fear’ – yet it was real as the actual nature that exists as all of us, not only myself and that I can only see and understand it for what it means to ensure that I walk the process to stop any form of continuation to degrade and defy life in the name of any form of energy – whether positive or negative – it is my responsibility to stop all patterns of energy within myself, as I realize that this is the only way that I can give myself back to myself the points that I had initially separated myself from.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever only seek to be a positive-supporter a ‘cheerleader’ when it came to positivity and positive experiences, without realizing that within this I had made of reality nothing else but a chemical reaction that would only make me Feel Good about myself and my thoughts and place myself into this angelic pedestal, while neglecting the fact that the foundation to such experience was stemming from the actual evil that we became the very moment that we accepted and allowed ourselves to be the cause and effect of energy as the result of the desire to ‘experience’ and ‘be more’ than ourselves as equality and oneness, which means that I abdicated the wholeness of myself and vulgarized it to me being and becoming only a single experience that would only continue to keep satisfying itself through generating the same positive experience within the participation with others in reality, using them/ using life as a way to transform it into the necessary crutch for my self elation.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to try and ‘fix the world’ in separation of myself and believing myself to be a ‘good natured being’ when in fact, I was only trying to save my own ass when it comes to realizing that any desire to do good was actually stemming from the fear that I had realized was absolutely undeniable within me, which is how I feared everything that had to do with ‘dark’/ ‘darkness’ and ‘evil’ because I had feared myself as my own ‘evil’ experience/ thoughts/ imagination that I had not been able to communicate with others, because of fearing being judged for having such experiences within me, which reveals to what extent we as human beings experience these type of inner confusion and not knowing how to ‘deal’ with it, because we were always taught to simply ride the wave of experience until it ‘fades out’ – yet not really understanding why and how I would suddenly have ‘evil thoughts’ as a child toward people in my reality, with no apparent reason, which is what manifested that self-annoyance and irritation that I tried to cover up with a positive attitude and being just cheerful, because I knew that that would keep me ‘safe’ from the evil that I actually feared as myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever pursue a ‘light working career’ wherein I would dream of being able to ‘help people’ and make this world a ‘better place’ by implementing solutions that had to do with giving hope, having faith and believing that ‘after all, it all must come down to a positive end’ – which is in fact the problem that hope instills and creates in this reality as a the laxity wherein the real nature that must be worked with through writing, applying self forgiveness and  the Self Corrective Application had been simply pushed down and covered up with all things positivity, which is like trying to build a solid foundation upon a swamp.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever seek relationships as a way to make myself feel better about myself, without realizing that it is through the nature of relationships that our ‘real nature’ was shaped and formed, which implies that creating relationships was an automated way to continue the perpetual desire to ‘be more’ than myself because relationships in themselves already imply separation and energetic experiences created from that moment of separation toward that which we are attempting-to and trying to reunite with. Which means that I had only reinforced separation through trying to connect/ establish relationships due to such separation only existing as an energetic experience that doesn’t consider the actual physicality as the fabric of existence as substance/ as life of which everything and everyone is made of.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deem that everything that was ‘evil’ in this world had nothing to do with me, which was me neglecting my very own thoughts as the constant seeking for power, control, recognition, glory, instant-gratification as a constant ‘win-win’ desire within me, which is the actual core and initiation of all evil in this world wherein ‘who I am as money/ power’ is all that really drives us to want to ‘be something/ someone’ in life, which is Not living but instead agreeing to play the game and ride the ‘waves of success’ that we all comply to live in within this system that only cares to perpetuate such constant fueling of experiences, instead of regarding and supporting life in equality, which is now our duty to establish as a living principle on Earth.

I commit myself to debunk any inkling and remain of positivity within me as I walk myself out of the mind and into the physical, remaining as the awareness of who I have become as a result of having lived in fear of ‘the evil’ in me for such an extensive period of time, wherein morality took the place of any form of common sense and in that, becoming a biased being that only cared about listening, doing, being, supporting all things positivity for a while, while having been on the exact opposite, which lead me to a final great confusion within my life that actually lead me to Desteni and that I see and realize is the only way to stop ALL Confusions that we may have in this world when wanting to deliberately stick to the positive out of the actual fear of ourselves, fear toward fellow human beings, because we see and realize that our actual current natures is that of evil that is also a veil that we have created upon ourselves the moment that we accepted and allowed ourselves to live as energy only, as an energetic presence instead of a physical beingness that requires no definition to exist.

I commit myself to expose how within our current society and the ‘need’ for us to ‘define who/ what we are’ is in fact reinforcing the evil nature that seeks to have its place of consumption, satisfaction and opposition wherein we become just these lighting bolts that seek to be excited at all times in order to move while constantly wanting to get away from the negative experience and remain in a state of perfect bliss, which can only exist if energy exists – and energy is the very abuse of the physical substance as life that we have used and consumed in the name of our personal ‘power’ and satisfaction.

I commit myself to stop the need to be constantly defining myself as an experience and instead, embrace silence as I walk here as breath wherein every pattern of self-deprecation as an energetic experience – whether positive or negative – is understood, seen and realized as a self-abusive pattern as I now see, realize and understand how all the experiences that had no ‘explanation’ before are now becoming clear as a result of us having become the manifested consequence of our abdication toward life/ as life, which perpetuated the ‘who I am’ as that experience of separation which is then what leads to a constant seeking of experience in order to ‘feel alive’ or ‘be someone’ which is only seeking to define ‘who we are’ as that very relationship of separation which must stop here, as I realize that I am perfectly able to exist without using the mind as a constant energetic input onto the physical reality that I am able to move in, walk, breath, eat and experience as an actual moment to moment – instead of future projecting, or remembering or seeking to ‘feel something’ in order to ‘feel alive.’

I commit myself to show, how – we have become servants to the Devil/Energy-Authority for ourselves to only WITHIN ourselves manifest our Authority/Godhood unto ourselves, where our existence had become completely internalized and automated within ourselves as Mind/Consciousness – only existing to survive and possess ourselves as Energy; with no substantial living action visible to bring about a change of ourselves within and without.


In this - I commit myself, to through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application, speaking and sharing – walk the Visible Action of The Decision to no more accept and allow myself to Serve the Devil/Energy-Authority within and as the Cause/Acceptance of accepting separation, and Effect/Allowance of allowing the relationship between the negative, neutral and positive energies of Mind; but align myself into and as equality and oneness with and as the human physical-body, to stand with and as Life-Authority of and as equality and oneness as what is/will be best for All, as my process of taking directive-principle as responsibility for who, how and what I am in every moment of Breath, and so no more exist in and as the automation of Consciousness that has become the authority over and of me, the physical-body and this physical-existence, but in fact walk in and as Awareness, here in every moment of Breath.” Sunette Spies*

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I commit myself to continue exposing our ‘real nature’ as evil in order to finally take off the veil of energy that we have abdicated our self-directive power to, and become a being that is willing to walk the necessary time and space to reintegrate myself as the physicality of oneness and equality as Life, as that which I separated myself from in the pursuit of happiness, the pursuit of ‘me as an experience’ as energy, of which now I see, realize and understand has been the very key point of ultimate enslavement that must be stopped with the implementation of the Equal Money System wherein real Neighborism is able to emerge as a new human nature, once that we have all realized that we can only thrive in equality as a group, as collective that is able to decide what’s best for all to live by and simply apply it/ be it/ become it.

 

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mayo 27, 2012

Day 43: Careless

‘I couldn’t care less’ and ‘I don’t care’ – who am I within this as a thought pattern that makes me care-less? This is been an ongoing pattern for over a year, actually almost two years now wherein due to not being having and having slowed myself down within participating in the usual pressures to ‘do excel’ in school and existing in such survival mode in terms of consequences in numerical values if work was not delivered or not done at all, I went into the opposite and became rather careless in a way wherein I would not really ‘fear’ the consequences any longer which would still manifest quite an accumulation of tasks. such as the ones I have at the moment.

The word carelessness represents this specific relationship that I had lived as before in relation to all points of responsibility, wherein I would mostly do things out of self-created pressure – ultimately fear of not making it/ survival mode – and once I started becoming more and more ‘lax’ in school and everything as the nature of my studies became more lax themselves, I created this carelessness point wherein I stopped pushing myself to direct myself as effectively as I used to do before when my motivation was fear, which proves the point that we read today on how we have all become addicted to fear as a movement instigator, which is how we have turned it into a positive thing when saying that Money moves us – but in fact it is the fear of Not having money the one that moves us – yet, as always, we rather look at the ‘positive side’ and not seeing the actual reality for what it is.

It is fascinating how I simply cannot lie to myself when developing a self-honest communication wherein the word is pointing me out exactly what I have been trying to suppress and apparently saw as ‘not important’ to write about, yet it is consuming my being and keeping me in the conscious mind as points accumulate and then there’s this laxity and ‘carelessness’ wherein I have gone to an extreme opposite of how I used to live in the past, wherein I would be in constant strain and anxiety to ‘get things done.’ Now I’m in the middle unacceptable road as whenever I place myself to do something within a self-directive manner, I get it done until it is done – yet whenever I allow myself to walk the middle-road = I don’t do things, I leave them hanging by the half and go into this ‘carelessness’ mode wherein I simply cover up the remaining ‘task to be done’ as some form of idleness in laxity, meaning, it is still there but masked/ shifted in a way wherein the thought of anxiety is transmuted as an ‘everything’s gonna be alright’ – no wonder I’ve held such backchat toward Bob Marley and that three little birds song that I had to learn when I was in primary school, it sounded so ridiculously optimistic to me that I developed this aversion toward the single sentence ‘Don't worry about a thing, ‘cause every little thing’s gonna be alright’ or something around there – not realizing that this has become an actual mantra in my head whenever I allow things to just go by and in my journey to step down from this hyper-apprehensive person I created within myself this point of extreme ‘confidence’ that is merely intention and knowledge based, without any actual substance/ work  to be so sure about it.

So,   I masked this carelessness point to think that ‘is alright,’ when I am in fact accumulating work without getting it done, wherein I justify the fact that I have been able to always ‘pull everything out alright’ in the past and becoming too apprehensive, stressed, nervous and in a constant state of fear to do so, thus using the past a a way to move myself here, which is in no way acceptable, I cannot direct myself according to ‘who I was in the past’ as a way to reference myself here.  I see that’s been the most ‘clash’ wherein because I had tried to let go of this apprehensive personality, I went into another personality as laxity, just wanting to test out what it was to just not do the homework and see what would happen – fucked up self-sabotage, as it’s not about now stopping being responsible due to the extensive self-definition I had lived as an energetic personality, but to become self-directive which I have proven to myself I am able to be and become when decisions are made – however when I accept and allow any form of ‘leeway’ within me, that’s when ‘shit hits the fan’ as I stand in a quicksand middle ground of no self-direction and only allowing the days go by and leaving points half-way done. Yikes

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the past as an excuse to not move, wherein I simply become part of the old world that is perpetuated in our every day living actions within this world, which are exactly the type of attitudes that have driven ourselves to the current experiences that we have in relation to being in an absolute zombie mode and only being driven by that which entails highly-rewarded activities and only moving when there is energy-reward/ compensation/ remuneration involved, instead of realizing that within a world in equality the only point of motivation is self-here as breath, wherein within that realization I see and understand that everything I do is as a self-willed movement is one plus point to the creation go a world that is no longer profit/ energy driven, but self-willed at al times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ‘carelessness’ as an actual state of being wherein I apparently ‘don’t care’ about consequences and outflows of my own procrastination, when in fact, it is just another way to mask it as it all being ‘alright’ while compounding actual stress, fears and anxiety that I simply wash down through going into the carelessness-mode where I am not in fact being self directive, but only using a no-reaction mode in order to believe that ‘everything will be just fine’ and that I will be able to pull-through it based on the past and my experiences to always ‘get it done’ without realizing that I cannot possibly base the who I am in every moment based on the past of having just walked through the points that must be done, and ‘get away with it’ as in everything turning out ‘alright,’ while in fact this indicates that I am conditioning myself based on the ‘who I was’ in the past which is in no way a self-directive decision, at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having created a pattern of going to the opposite after having lived a life of extreme apprehension to ‘get things done/ get assignments done’ and always having to excel and be on time, whereas from the past years that this energetic drive has receded, I have now gone to the extreme opposite of apparently ‘not caring’ to excel and always be ‘perfect,’ which is just another self-sabotage mechanism as I am not being self-directive at all within this, but only justifying my previous energetic drive to always ‘have everything done on time’ and always doing works and projects and label myself as a responsible person, to the point where I have now that I am not apparently ‘fearing’ I have only transmuted that fear of the consequences for me not being diligent in my tasks and have made it ‘alright’ as an excuse that ‘I had been so apprehensive my entire life that I required a break’ – yet that ‘break’ is not going into the opposite and stop caring to continue being responsible and use bullshit justifications as to why I am not moving, and instead realize that Because I am stopping self-motivation through energy/ mostly fear of getting a bad grade/ not being able to have proper credits in my school, it doesn’t imply that I then have ‘no motivation’ to do it, as this is now all about Self-Movement wherein I have seen the result of there being ‘no drive’ as an energetic drive – thus believing that something/ someone will push me to do it, which is absolutely unacceptable and a total victimization wherein I am trying to justify actual procrastination in the name of ‘healing myself from the past’ of worry, anxiety and apprehension toward all assignments and work to do, without realizing that it is only a mind justification that is in no way valid as there is no excuse that is valid when it comes to Self-Movement, as I am the only one that bears the consequences and the only one that is able to change that pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consuming my being without actually Caring enough to see that I am simply making it all ‘alright’ and creating a point of extreme laxity wherein because I am no longer driven by the effect of fear of not getting something done, there is simply ‘nothing’ threatening me which is exactly the type of conditioning that I have accepted and allowed in this world as a point of motivation wherein

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be playing out precisely the point of ‘Lack of Self-Motivation’ that most people complain about within the Equal Money System presentation, wherein because there is no Fear as Fear of Survival that drives the human being to act, work to be part of a giving and receiving society/group as humanity, everyone asks ‘what will be the point of motivation within the Equal Money System?’ and in that, realizing that the motivation given by earning money/ making profit out of any activity is in fact the fear of survival/ not having enough money that is driving everyone currently to keep going within this system – this implies that in my case, as I am not being threatened to life to do what I have to do, I am in fact only allowing myself to confirm that I have been an organic robot that can only function based on fear as a crutch to move and use it as a motivation, which is unacceptable as I am in fact recreating the patterns of the old world wherein nothing moves if there is no money/ energy incentive as motivation.

I realize that in this point in my process, there will be Nothing moving if I don’t move and this has been the starting point of me having continued writing after a long hiatus – or intermittent participation in writing – in the past wherein the very act of writing had become the same point of ‘idleness’ wherein If I didn’t move, I obviously would remain in that comfort of ‘nothing happens,’ when in fact I actually simply let it all go-by and not take the moment to write myself because I believed that it was all ‘just fine’ – which is one of the greatest lies that we have all, collectively as humanity, accepted and allowed as a way to avoid facing the real responsibility that is required to take on in this world, and I realize that if I continue in this laxity and apparent ‘carelessness’ in this aspect of my direct participation in an outcome that is part of a collective effort, I am being the one point that along with many other points add up to the queues of ‘carelessness’ wherein we rather focus on something else and outside of ourselves, instead of absolutely giving myself the time to focus on my own process of self directive and self willed movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only make everything within my world being ‘alright’ because there is no fear involved driving me to do things – but that it is thus the specific moment wherein I must step outside of ‘the zone’ that I had been specifically warned about, and realizing that Nothing will truly move if I don’t move’ – and this applies to every single aspect that I move myself in, wherein I am not being as self-directive in all areas of my every day living.

When and as I see myself going into the thinking pattern of ‘it’s fine, I’ve got time, there’s no need to rush, take it easy, everything will turn out to be fine’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is exactly the type of thinking patterns that I have used as a justification to not move and remain in idleness while holding a belief that somehow I will do it eventually which is an absolute time-trap that I have built within myself, wherein I am only procrastinating my own correction within self-movement as an equally-applied point in my reality

I direct myself to stop creating differences of my application according to what the task is and what is the task for, wherein I stop valuing my self-movement and direction and placing toward that which I have placed as ‘more important’ in my mind, yet not realizing that all points that I have directed myself to participate in are equally important. Thus, what we are here to do is realizing that the reality that I have built for myself as my own life and my world has been that of ‘waiting’ and ‘hoping’ that something will ‘move me’ and only moving if fear of survival/ fear of loss is involved – which implies that I have been proving myself to be a conditioned organic robot to only function based on fear and the stress of a life-threatening application, which is the base foundation of the entire current system wherein we are all just moving and chasing after because we have accepted and allowed the fact that if you don’t work = you don’t earn money – therefore you die as the fuzzy logic system that instills fear and a life-threat in order to cause movement. This implies that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in my life I had never in fact being a Self-responsible person and actually moving by my own will, as I have simply driven myself through and by energy as fear, life-threats that are not ‘spoken’ but simply known and accepted as such, because of believing that ‘this is how the world works.’ Thus, the moment that I accepted and allow myself to require a point of motivation I can see that I am not being self-directive and self-willed at all, but that I am only adding one point to the entire fear-fueled reality that only moves according to the amount of life threats that we can receive in order to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have abdicated my power to move in every moment of breath to the mind as the pattern of ‘carelessness’ wherein I am constantly shifting myself to ‘do something else’ instead of focusing on my own tasks and assignments that must get done by me-moving-myself as a self-willed movement that I realize, see and understand won’t come by ‘a magic wand’ but require actual self-movement, self-direction and within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be in ‘all places’ at all times, pushing for a point of moving ‘faster’ yet missing out the point that this existence moves at the pace of breath, wherein rushing and trying to speed up any form of process is just a waste of time, actually, as this process won’t get ‘done faster’ unless I become that point that proves to myself that the actual way to walk this is in every moment of breath that I Direct myself to a best for all outcome, which implies also dedicating myself to Move myself, to see for myself and actually create a point within my living pattern of Not requiring energy to move – in this, being an actual part of the solution that understands what it means to will ourselves to move without requiring threats and/or emotional blackmail to move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the point of others promoting ‘positivity’ as laxity and carelessness while believing that ‘everything will be alright’ while in fact, I am living by that which I ‘loathe’ which is washing it all down as ‘there’s not a problem, it should be fine’ instead of actually investigating in the moment what is it that I am in fact suppressing and making it ‘alright’ to not have to face the actual point of change as self-movement, which implies that we only project onto others that which is deeply ingrained within ourselves. Therefore, I take self responsibility to ensure that I stop all forms of delusional expectations on something ‘working out just fine’ after a while out of nowhere, instead of seeing and realizing that this process requires my every-breath direct participation in the construction of a world that is certainly self-directive and self-willed wherein we can prove that we can stop being slaves to become equal self-directive free beings, that do not require a shackle and whipping to move, but that we can simply direct ourselves to just do it.

I commit myself to become the self-directive point in every moment that I see myself deviating into doing ‘something else’ other than what I see is priority within my own process, which implies that I must establish the point of self-movement as self-motivation without any form of fear or life threat as an instigator for such movement, but I realize that nothing will change and nothing will move If I don’t change and if I don’t move – which I now realize are the most important aspects that I have to direct within my every day living, to prove that we as human beings can actually motivate ourselves and move ourselves in the name of our own self-support as life, wherein we stop seeking for an energetic ‘high’ of getting something done, accomplishing something in separation of ourselves, but instead walk the necessary actual application to get things done for/ by / as a Living Principle – which is living life in a self-directive mode instead of being fueled by positive and negative experience as a motivation, which resulted in the current world where we live in extreme greed and extreme fears alike.

I commit myself to get my shit together and establish and actual self-direction in my world wherein I stop wavering and riding the waves of ‘It’s alright, it’s okay, I’ll get it done somehow and someway’ which is a constant point as ‘carelessness’ that I have accepted and allowed myself to become, wherein I am in fact delegating my power away, the power that exists here as every breath, and using my time and space to divert my attention from what requires to be directed, which means that I have to stop the patterns of procrastination by masking it with ‘overcoming a previous life pattern of apprehension, worry and concern’ to always get things done, which is in fact self-manipulation to excuse my actual lack of self-movement, which I then become rather cynical about in terms of realizing that ‘yes, I didn’t move’ and not walking a practical solution to Move and Direct myself to get my tasks/ work done.

I commit myself to stop every moment that I go into the same laxity and carelessness and making something ‘alright’ without further investigation if there is actually something hiding behind that ‘carelessness’ due to washing down the energetic movement that arises and that I simply transmute into another experience which is also energetically based as ‘laxity’ and ‘carelessness’ – which implies that I must stop and breathe in every moment to see where I am allowing myself to ‘flow toward’ and not be self-directive in every moment, as I see and realize that it is in these seemingly ‘small fleeting moments’ that I actually walk away from self-direction and enter into ‘the zone’ of riding the waves of going into any point that ‘comes to me’ and ‘emerges’ instead of me directing myself toward it as a self-directive move and principle.

I commit myself to stop the ‘carelessness’ attitude and laxity and instead, move myself as self-care wherein I make sure I walk my own process instead of being constantly shifting myself out of HERE in order to go and ‘do something else’ other than the obvious points that require direction which can be directed in a single moment of breath and actual physical move wherein I see myself as the only point of motivation required to do so, as an actual motility instead of only thinking about it – I move myself as an actual physical movement to do so and in that, stop procrastinating self-movement into an energetic-driven reality.

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Desteni I Process : Get yourself in tune with the new living reality of self motivation

Desteni Forum for further support with Self Forgiveness and Self-Honesty

“If I don’t change, If I don’t move

Nothing will change and Nothing will move”
Anu from the Hereness of reality.[*]

 

 

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Interview support:

[*]Reptilians - How Hope Creates Hell - Part 38
Reptilians - Patience, and how to Live it - Part 43  
Reptilians - Where is Life - Part 28