septiembre 30, 2012

168. Thoughts as Self-Created Resistance

Procrastination Character

Thought Dimension:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of my professor’s office as as single point of fear and resistance toward me writing out my document, which is linked to the actual process that the written document must go through in relation to revisions and having to re-write things more than once, wherein the image of being at the office represents that point of approval or disapproval of it.

When and as I see myself having the thought of the office before writing and creating a resistance toward it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is just a fear point that I can simply breathe through, not participate in and continue doing.

I commit myself to not allow one single thought to determine my entire starting point within doing things and actually do it: place myself to writing the document.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually resist facing the professor and going to his office, simply because of it representing an actual confrontation of the revisions required and the commitment for me to do do this whichever time it takes, regardless of how many times it has to be ‘re-worked’ as I realize that nothing can be just ‘perfect’ in one go, which is the actual limitation that I see is existing as an obstacle for me to simply do this.

When and as I see myself using the thought of the office as a point of confrontation thus fear, I stop and I breathe – I realize that all of this is only happening at a mind level and that I am able and capable of directing myself to do this without any thought in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this future projection of fearing going to that office for a revision, I create an actual resistance in my mind wherein every time that I think of ‘getting this done,’ the thought of the office comes up as a ‘burden’ to face and within this another thought and/or imagination point activates with a positive experience such as doing something else first like any other daily task and ‘saving this writing for later,’ which is in fact me playing energetic games of placing a positive experience as ‘another task’ in front of the task that I am fully aware requires to be prioritized in my reality.

When and as I see myself creating the backchat upon the thought of the office/ school and thinking ‘I will do this later’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the other tasks I am committing myself to are actually necessary as well and that I can divide and measure my time to get to all point within a schedule that I can stick to, so that I ensure I in fact get this one with the starting point of me as directive principle and not a thought that makes me react and only do that which I ‘want to do’ and within this

I commit myself to live by principle and not by thoughts and preferences.  And this is ‘the deal’ in itself within this dimension.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought of me writing out hours endlessly without realizing that this is absolutely just a character that is pretending that ‘I do not want to write,’ while I have proven to myself that writing is an absolute supportive point for ourselves to face ourselves and within academic purposes, to propose/ show and demonstrate that which we are here to communicate/ convey which in this case implies my own process and that there is absolutely no excuse to divide ‘process writings’ to any other writing that I have to do as part of who I am and my own expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a division within me, giving a positive value to writings done ‘for process’ and a negative value to writings done toward an activity that I have considered as pointless such as school/ academic purposes, without realizing that I have committed myself to do this and that shoving it away or trying to make it ‘less important’ or even ‘non important at all’ is me actually not wanting to do it and face a point of self-expansion, which is yes, ludicrous how in our minds we trap ourselves in our burden and energetic bubble of constricted ‘airwaves’ wherein we are not here breathing, but instead postponing being HERE because of all the mind burdens/ tasks/ points that we are constantly procrastinating to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within this self-creation process I have in fact proven to myself that I am deliberately creating a fucked up experience and absolute self sabotage every time that I give into Energy to create instead of Physically moving myself to DO things instead of future projecting, thinking and imagining all of the above mentioned points and aspects that I have charged with a negative resonance - within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately seek for a point of comfort and enjoyment and ‘feeling good’ or ‘better’ about myself with points of distraction such as surfing the net, reading the news, going out for a walk, fixing this or that around my room and house wherein such thoughts and imaginations emerge the moment that the initial negative thoughts such as having to confront my writings with an academic, having to spend ‘long hours writing’ become this negative experience that is quickly shifted in my mind toward a point that ‘I’d rather doe’ in order to satisfy my own existence within this ‘feeling better’ about myself by doing other tasks, within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better with doing and completing and satisfying ‘other tasks’ which I have defined as ‘enjoyable tasks,’ wherein I believe that I am being responsible for taking care of these tasks, however having then imposed these preferred tasks on top of this primary task that is an actual point of immediate action for me to take on, which means it is a priority in my world and that I have procrastinated for so long in this ‘waiting’ for – hell, nothing there is nothing to wait but ME just Doing it.

When and as I see myself rather doing other writings instead of the academic point I must write, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating a disparity in values according to that which I like/ that which I don’t like and as such, diving myself to only do that which I enjoy doing and avoid that which I apparently don’t enjoy doing – thus I equalize my application toward my writings and not kid myself to only do that which I like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘wait’ for when I could apparently have the ‘right book’/ ‘the right information’ to do this, without realizing that I’ll be describing my experience and as such, there is no book that could possibly hold at this stage any of what I am here to share as my process of self-creation as it is a self-explanation of who I am as my own creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my physical body to constantly be used up and consumed to charge up these thoughts and imagination every single day, wherein I have actually tortured myself instead of actually doing it. Within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonor myself, my physical body within this deliberate neglect toward the responsibilities at hand and within this having satisfied only the mind-reality of feeling good/ feeling satisfied with and while doing other tasks, while knowing and being perfectly aware that I have this other primary task at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually squander my breathing, my physical hereness, my unconditional support given by others in order for me to do this, and instead only focus on one aspect of my reality that makes me feel ‘good’ and that I ‘prefer doing’ while deliberately neglecting the other aspect that is the reason why I am being supported to live every single day at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of regret when looking back at all the time that’s gone by without me giving direction to this and within this thinking ‘what the fuck have I allowed?’ without realizing that all that is left here to do is simply Doing it and that there is no way to go back in time and ‘sort it out then,’ but instead have to ensure that I get this done as soon as I possibly can, as I am in fact even postponing my own plans due to this single point of resistance to finally get this written document done. It is writing, it is me and my experience to be shared – how on Earth have I actually resisted to do this?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see an art degree as pointless and useless piece of paper that will have no ‘power’ at all within the system, without realizing that we live in this world system wherein one single piece of title gives you enough credentials to be ‘accountable’ within the system and as such, realizing that this is one requisite that I require to cover in order to give completion to what I committed myself to finish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having this little paper on the wall just proves that I am ‘worthy’ toward the system, without realizing that it’s not about the paper or the title or credentials even, but the self commitment that I have committed myself to as part of being a self directive and self responsible beings in all aspects in my reality, as I realize that my reality is my process and that neglecting doing this, is deliberately neglecting my own point of responsibility and self movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always give myself excuses as to why I should leave it for the next day and why I am not ‘ready’ to do this now wherein a thought of doing something else first always come in, and that something else is a task that I have defined as ‘enjoyable’ and even ‘more supportive,’ and within this creating a rift within me toward doing that which I realize is my immediate point of action as opposed to that which also requires action but is not in an absolute immediate manner that must be completed – thus I see and realize that I require to prioritize my time, myself and my current point at hand to complete and to not take further responsibilities without first sorting this one responsibility in my reality.

I Realize that I will have to face the consequences of my own procrastination within this point which I am fully aware that I created simply because of having given into energy and seeking for a feel good experience instead of actually doing what must be done in the moment and realizing that I could not be in a better position to do this and that I have in fact dishonored myself and neglected my self commitment by having given so much ‘head’ to this, instead of simply doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see myself having the thought of writing the document out, see the thought of that specific folder wherein I don’t want to go through everything that I have to revise it and give it proper order and coherence and within this creating a single thought of the folder that contains the files as a burden, due to all the information that is there and the points that must be aligned wherein I am creating a negative experience toward it, instead of actually supporting myself to open up the document, read through what I have and write.

When and as I see myself resisting opening up the very folder in my computer that contains all the written documents and avoiding clicking on it, I stop and I breathe, I realize that this is actually a physical click of opening up documents and reading and going through it to see what requires to be corrected, shifted, what requires an addition and as such focus on what is necessary to be done in order to in fact complete it and have it done for once and for all.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts and instant ‘captures’ of either the office or the folder containing the writings in my computer and using these thoughts as a point of fear to not move. I realize that I am capable of simply breathing through such thoughts and commit myself to write, review and work on the document myself.

 

This will continue..

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septiembre 29, 2012

167. Fearing is Not wanting to Change

Postponement Character 

Fear Dimension :

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my writing being rejected by the academy for lacking art references and within this, sabotaging my own completion of the document based on a future projection and expectation based on a prejudice that I have formed toward ‘Academy’ as a restrictive institution, instead of realizing that I am the one that has the ability to create a writing that is both fulfilling toward academic standards and also at a personal level within the context of the content matching my actual and initial intention of doing this work in the first place, which is getting a degree and sharing a perspective of self-creation within the art world as my own contribution and career-experience that I have decided to share.

I realize that the work that I am doing does not have to be separated from any of my other writings and any other responsibility that I do follow through with – and in this realizing that any resistance that I have created toward the point is based on prejudices that I have formed toward school/ academy as instances wherein

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by the academy/ professors for lacking commitment to ‘the art world’ with presenting my writing, due to it not being precisely linked to a plastic or visual art but instead, a self-creation process that is our ability to exist as human beings that have the power and ability to create themselves and a society/ world system that is supportive of life itself and not mind-system creation modes that only support separation and abuse of life.

I realize that I am actually postponing creating a final ‘note’ to this entire career that I see can be veered toward a self-creation process wherein the concept of art is expanded to a self-creative ability that is actually quite acceptable within the realm of the art world and also reminding myself here that I had already had a ‘good to go’ approval from my professor  - thus

When and as I see myself fearing getting my written document done based on fear of it not being ‘good enough’ for the standards that the academic world require, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I am actually fully capable of taking on this task and project with all its requirements wherein I simply have to write and fulfill the task at hand that is a requisite for me to actually finish what I began as professional career – and I remind myself that I chose to walk this process and walk this career and get it done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my writing is judged as ‘too spiritual’ or any other pejorative term that I have feared my professors creating upon my work due to them having no reference to what Desteni is – though I realize that I do not have to fear this type of bs things when I am perfectly capable of writing out and convey a message that is common sensically based and doesn’t require any ‘gap-concepts’ that cannot be understood by academics.

When and as I see myself fearing professors judging my writing based on it being too ‘humanitarian’ instead of ‘artistic,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that the same way the concept of art has been expanded throughout the years, one can implement a new dimension to it which is actually a primary one based on the concept of art as a self-creative process wherein the being standing in and as a self-honest being, his/ her expressions will be an immediate expression/ expansion of him/herself as part of one’s own expression within the principle of what is best for all and within this, turning art into a more practical living statement other than a mind-regurgitation activity that has served little to no purpose for humanity, just as anything else in this world that requires its fine-tuning to be supportive for all beings equally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear confronting my writing with my professor because of not wanting to be rejected/ have my stuff done more than once, which I see stems from a previous memory of having had a ‘difficult time’ with a photography professor with me wanting to impose my ways and being intransigent toward his observations, which is how I went into defense mode before even listening to the suggestions and actually seeing how it could benefit the work – thus,

I realize that the fear toward criticism stemming from academics is that fear of not being ‘good enough’ to their standards, without realizing that I am only creating this ‘fear’ due to actually not wanting to go through all the stages of having my written work revised and within that, accepting observations and ‘criticism’ that I tend to take personally, leading myself to abruptly ‘opt myself out’ of it/ giving up because of having wanted my writing to be ‘immediately accepted/ unquestioned’ which is actually an ego point wherein I want and desire to have things working ‘my way’ at all times.

When and as I see myself fearing criticism toward my writing I stop and I breathe – I realize that all comments are able to be taken within common sense and in absolute humbleness as the acceptance of one’s mistakes, wherein I commit myself to take into consideration other people’s words on ‘my work’ and within this allow myself to be supple and flexible toward comments that can actually enrich the document beyond my ‘own view/ perspective’ and assist myself within that go break my own boundaries of wanting to always only do things ‘my way.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that this process will be longer than expected and within this, foolishly enough, postponing it further, pushing it toward ‘more time’ which is absolutely absurd and I see how it is only when thinking about doing it and going into this fear that I somehow simply wished that I could ‘get away from doing this’ at some point, which is actually not acceptable since I have been aware I must do this no matter what.

When and as I see myself pushing the point for ‘some other time’ and postponing it is in fact me creating further consequence in full awareness, which is a deliberate and unacceptable action within the consideration of realizing that this is also my responsibility and priority in my world/ reality at the moment – and that I can instead manage my time to dedicate myself to my daily activities and specify a time wherein I ensure I get this done, instead of wanting to just ‘take one whole day off’ to write it out – which is one option, however not the best one as it is done under the pressure of wanting to get it all done at once, which usually leads to a point of rush that is not necessary within this -

I commit myself to walk this written process point by point, day by day as that is a reasonable point to do instead of ‘waiting’ for one miraculous moment when I ‘feel like doing it,’ which won’t happen as this is a point that I have to actually self-direct in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become very ‘lax’ about this point of responsibility in my world due to seeing it as worthless yet at the same time, not wanting to admit that there’s an actual fear of me not getting this paper and then having an entire career being absolutely useless and as if it had never happened, which is something that I realize within the context of being in and of this world system wherein we still value each other’s abilities according to institutional paper work and titles that prove one’s credentials in certain professional fields.

When and as I see myself believing that it is worthless to get this piece of paper, I stop and I breathe – I realize this is a key point that I actually have placed aside due to the actual physical resistance to get things done within bureaucratic terms that I have create a resistance to – thus it is to realize that no matter what, I am the one that decides how I walk this process and that I have to get it done and postponing it is only making it ‘worse’ as a thought in my head instead of an actual doing that is physically tangibly ‘done’ – to round things up – and not thought or feared about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to repeat the whole thing more than once and within this,  realizing that this is the main obstacle I have created within me as a fear/ thoughts in my head and it appears  in the immediate moment when I see myself wanting to ‘write it out,’ as I have allowed myself to just put it off instead of actually using the time to do –maybe - several versions and ways and find one that is the most suitable of all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Fear as an excuse to actually not do it/ not move myself and within this building like a China wall in front of me without realizing that it is not real in the sense that it is an actual impediment for me to do so, and that the wall exists as all the thoughts in my head toward this particular task and responsibility to do, wherein I am the one that can actually decide whether I simply do it and walk through all the necessary stages or not, while realizing that there is no ‘not’ option here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this all a lot worse in my mind as a task to be done than what it actually is, when thinking about it and fearing doing it for all the reasons above, without realizing that all the time spent thinking and fearing it, I could have actually given proper direction to it right away and simply get it done.

When and as I see myself making of this point of responsibility a task that is ‘above me’ and that is ‘too much to do’ within this seeing it as a great immovable obstacle in my head, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to decide in one single moment to move myself to open up the document and being writing it out and arranging everything that I have done so far to give it proper coherence, within the realization that I can simplify it instead of wanting to ‘cover all points’ in one go, which is rather extensive to do when it’s not even required at this stage – thus

I realize that I can also support myself to not make of this single task like a ‘will’ that I leave as a final statement that I am surely making a lot more in my mind as if I had to absolutely ‘download’ myself in one document, which I realize it is not a requirement or necessary – thus I stop myself from wanting to make this my ‘master piece of words’ which is rather pretentious and actually becoming another obstacle within me to fulfill my own expectations toward it, which is rather foolish, considering that  I am the one that sets my own value schemes of ‘importance’ within this – thus

I commit myself to equalize myself as my writing in all aspects wherein no matter ‘what’ I’m writing, I focus on the practicality and simplicity that is able to be actually understood and lived by another, instead of making it a lot ‘more’ than what it is as a single academic requirement to keep going in life and actually get to live my words written there.

 

I commit myself to when and as I see the fear of me wanting to postpone and put off the actual moment dedicated to writing the document out, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am the only one that is able to push and direct myself to do this not and within this

I realize that putting it off is obviously accumulating consequence and more seemingly unnoticeable ‘stress’ that affects the rest of my activities throughout the day.

I commit myself to be congruent within all dimensions and aspects of my day to day living wherein I do not leave this one aspect/ task as a loop-hole that I am not sorting out, because I realize that If I don’t move in an equal manner within directing and correcting myself within all aspects of my world and reality, that one point that I leave behind is causing stress and worry and fears that keep me bound to a single point of procrastination as a point. Thus I get myself back to one single piece that walks all points day by day and not leaving ‘one piece behind’ any longer.

This will continue …

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Blogs:

Character Dimensions – BACKCHAT Dimension (Part 1): DAY 167

Day 167: After Death Communication – Part 16

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septiembre 27, 2012

165. Following Self Interest is In Fact Self Abuse

Continuing from the blogs:

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements (part 2 on Self Trust and Self Interest within Procrastination)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tamper my own ability to live absolute self trust by deliberately stopping my absolute dedication to the points of responsibility that I have at hand and within this, waver in my self-trust as the certainty of living a decision that I had proved to myself I am able to live by/ stand as

When and as I see myself wavering in my stance in relation to self-trust within the words that I speak, my expression and my living commitments – I stop and I breathe – this is where the point of self honesty must be established in an absolute manner, wherein I realize that taking care of the points that I have to do in fact create a point of self-trust according to my own application which is Not an experience, but an actual physical doing/ directing within the consideration of what is best to do and live, which is doing all that which is required to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘waver’ within my self honesty and within my application as it, waver in self trust wherein such uncertainty and middle-road standing creates an outflow/ consequence of me not standing fully and directively within the consideration of me establishing patterns and habits within my physical process that I’ll be living as within the integration of self-corrective application as the physical, which implies that

When and as I see myself wanting to postpone/ procrastinate/ leave aside a point that is here for me to direct – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating a pattern of physical consistency and continuity as part of my self corrective application, which implies that everything that I do as a regular/ habitual manner becomes part of my physical process of aligning my words, thoughts and deeds to what is best for all. Thus I realize that I must support myself to create habits and patterns of self support at all times, wherein I ensure that that which I am integrating and imprinting as my physical body is in fact habits/ patterns that are self supportive which includes, directing myself in the moment whenever I see that there is a point to direct and give a solution to, which is the point of self support that ensures one does not create further consequence and lag within taking on a task/ project/ job to do, and within this compromise myself and anyone involved in the decision made.

I commit myself to at all times consider that any fleeting moment of self interest to ‘leave things aside,’ imply me giving head to a single thought in my head to not follow through that which is physically here to be done. Therefore, it is to at all times realize and take into consideration the inner and outer process I am walking wherein all the individual points that I decide to live and apply must be in alignment with a process of self-corrective application wherein I ensure that I in fact stop re-creating past patterns of procrastination.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow a point to an unbearable pressure due to having feared talking about it/ expressed my own relationship of procrastination toward this particular project wherein the single thought of me having to ‘do it all over again’ and the time frames involved within that, lead me to simply procrastinate it even further, thus it is to realize how the moment that I continue accumulating ‘points’ toward a point of procrastination, I am supporting the separation, the abuse and the lack of self commitment that I have judged in others, which is something that is clearly revealing to myself how It is that one can be actually spiteful and bite the hand that feeds the moment that we don’t live the words of self correction that we had established for ourselves.

When and as I see myself accumulating a point to give direction to, apply, change – I stop and I breathe – I realize that who I am is defined by the actions or inactions I do – therefore if I am here to live a correction it is to stand absolute as the commitment to get things done/ give direction to that which requires to be physically done – and all of this within the consideration that an actually doing implies a commitment that must be physically translated into a moment of me simply doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become subject to my exigencies and desires at a mind level to instead of directing me to work on the point, I distract myself with ‘something else told to do,’ which is not in any way part of an actual realization of who we are as the point of ‘following our desires’ and deliberately shoving aside a point of self support..

When and as I see myself seeking for my own point of self-interest as that which makes me ‘feel better’ other than doing the tasks that I required to do, I stop and I breathe. I realize that at an individual level this leads us to remain constricted by our own believed points of ‘self enjoyment’ that are not really standing as a point of expansion and self support but instead represent that very ‘cage’ that I have defined and confined myself into which I believe makes me ‘feel better,’ when in fact the reality is that the more I postpone, the greater the ‘load’ gets.

I commit myself to realize that every moment I postpone, I end up having to THINK about everything I didn’t do, which is how I contribute to my own self abuse within the realization that every time that I think, I consume myself as the physical life that is here and that in fact allows me to do whatever is required to be done, because I see and realize that all the exigencies of the mind will only ever support the mind itself to continue evolving and transforming into an ‘upgraded system’ wherein Life is nowhere to be found, because as long as the mind is supported by me ‘following my thoughts,’ I in fact become The provider as my own physical to continue procrastination which is a point of abdicating responsibility while believing that I am in fact doing something ‘better/ making myself happier’ which is not at all so, as happiness/ feeling good is also an energetic experience where self’s stability as the physical is not existent. 

Thus, this is to really take the point of procrastination beyond the perceived ‘self interest’ that we believe we are in fact following, and realizing how we have in fact only served the mind/ energy wherein instead of supporting ourselves to expand ourselves, we end up limiting and compromising our very own life every time that we believe there are no consequences to one single moment that we push aside one day further that which is required to be done today. This is the process and there is definitely nothing else to do but walk the necessary talk to integrate within our very physical habits the living decision of doing at all times that which is best for all.

I commit myself to walk the various dimensions within the procrastinator as a character to ensure that I in fact realize in detail how I created the point and within this ensure that I stop the pattern for once and for all.

A point that I will go into in relation to the Thought dimension is  Satisfaction, which I suggest one read at the forum 

 

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Blogs:

Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 1): DAY 165

DAY 165: After Death Communication – Part 14:

Let’s Talk to the Dead

 

Interview: Life is NOT Energy:

“Don’t be conned by the complexity of Self Interest”

 

Interviews:

 

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septiembre 26, 2012

164. Who am I within Procrastination (2)

If we are really looking into this, we can only develop a point of Self Trust according to how we LIVE self trust and what I had experienced it before in my process was according to my ability to live the corrections and commitments to myself as this process –

Therefore, this is another aspect/ factor when it comes to living out a point of procrastination for an extended period of time and allowing it to grow like a tumor that we then just panic about when it become this unbearable and inconspicuous part of ourselves that cannot possibly be hidden any longer.

What comes up? Self judgment would want to come up, however I immediately see that I can simply take this point from here on, not judging myself for having fallen on this point, as I realize that any point that is here to be corrected t is the simply a point to take on, correct and stand up – simply walking the correction, walk the talk and within this ensuring that I do not stand behind my own shadow-self as the consciousness-experience of ‘all is fine’ and instead dare to face the consequences and the points that I had deliberately dismissed – and I write ‘deliberately’ as I see that there is always a deliberateness to anything that we in a moment decide NOT to do, and that’s tapping into the various dimensions as they are being walked within Heaven’s Journey To Life blog that is being a pivotal point of support within me to get myself ‘back on track’ within this seemingly ‘unimportant point,’ which now it’s very clear how the ‘unimportant’ and devaluation to the actual task at hand serves only for the purpose to give myself a ‘free range’ to simply go through another day without just doing it.

Within this I realize that the aspect of ‘others’ and who am I at the eyes of others is really not relevant within this, this is about myself as the commitment that I have taken for/as myself and that I have realized and lived to a certain extent must be absolute in all aspects for me to experience myself absolutely Here, without any snowballs attached dragging along an entire past of ‘unresolved/ undirected points’ within my reality, which I also KNOW beforehand are never as ‘bad’ as I imagined them to be.

In all of this, we can see how it is only within myself, my own acceptance and allowance to participate in the mind that I’ve become subject to my mind instead of standing one and equal to it. Is this a lesson I can only learn and never again repeat? Yes, as other points that I have proven myself being able to walk, live and be self directive within, I realize that I am also perfectly able and capable of standing up from this and walk the point from square 1.

I also realize that when we hit ourselves on the face of reality and realize the amount of time we lived in this ‘unbalancing act,’ we then try and catch up to everything in one go, creating then the experience of it begin then ‘too much’ or ‘impossible to get to,’ which are ALSO mind-mechanisms to not get it done. I can even see how I can use ‘supporting others’ as an excuse to not get to my own doings and writings, which is certainly not an option to do since we are all perfectly capable of making time instead of being sucked by it and wasting it in really non-supportive activities that I will disclose later on.

Thus, I assist and support myself to walk each one of these thoughts to not get it done by actually Getting to everything, creating a point of balance within my tasks, prioritize, stop any point of distraction and in fact support myself to Live Here realizing that every breath is here as an opportunity for myself to give myself self-direction. And this I also realize doesn’t require a point of ‘background’ of ‘who I am/ what I have been/done’ in the past, but it is simply here for me to walk and as such I stop basing my application according to the past as that would be also comparing ‘me’ to ‘who I was,’ which is only existent as memories. I work with the actuality of myself here, without any judgment and focusing on the physical tasks that must be done.

Within this all it is to walk the point for what it is, not creating any further judgments or experiences toward what is already done, what is gone is gone and there’s nothing else to do but to ensure the point is corrected from the get go here.

Furthermore, I invite You the reader to walk aside, to take on this point of getting things done/ committing ourselves to stop procrastination in any aspect within our reality within the understanding that we tend to blame and complain about ‘the system’ and how ‘ineffective it is,’ without realizing how this world is created out of the choices we’ve made and at the moment, our seemingly ‘unimportant factors’ such as procrastination that we have lived out as ourselves are in fact being the building blocks of our current world-system and our inner-experience of course, as we can see how a point of well being is also based on us being living day by day ensuring that we get things done, as I see and realize this is an actual physical aspect of our lives, it is not thinking it is not entertaining or deviating ourselves within any other point that may be ‘occupying our time’ which is not to be blamed for, but seen as the deliberate point of distraction that it represents within our minds.

Within this it is to see and observe what in our reality has become a point of distraction – either an event, something you want to buy, someone you’re ‘interested’ in, a certain career you are pursuing, a certain possession/ ownership that represents a significant increase in your income ,a future trip/ vacation, a personal event such as having kids, getting married, changing your job, someone dying, someone being born, TV, media, magazines, news, virtually anything can be grouped within the various points that we can distract ourselves with eventually creating these nice comfortable bubbles wherein we become only observers of our reality instead of living in it and seeing ‘who am I’ within participating in all of these aspects and their actual tangible ‘value’ to invest our time in – and this is within the questions that I learned from Anu in asking: how is this in any way supporting myself in my process? and within that, one will be able to spot any point of dishonesty and actually do-the-doing of stopping and correcting the point.

It is also a point to question/ ask myself: who am I within this relationship of procrastination? I could call myself many names that’s clear, however it’s not the point – it is actually not even seeing the point of ‘what is there to be done’ as the actual ‘thing-to-do’ but instead see the who am I within this procrastination as a deliberate point of inaction/ irresponsibility created in ‘full awareness’ which is the relationship that I created as myself toward another point in my reality and allowing it to just ‘bloom’ until the weeds become unbearable. Well, this is certainly an aspect that I am not willing to continue and this is what I can call officially riding again the horse instead of standing next to it fearing to be squashed by him in any given moment.

This will surely continue

 

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Great Series to understand how INSANE it is to judge ourselves, and how Insane it is to think reality instead of Living it:

 

Point to ponder: how it is that animals coming through the portal are able to tell us about physical living and Humans that have crossed over are only able to tell us about their fuckups when being alive?  Who is more ‘HERE’ then? Quite obvious – hear and find out why within the Snail interviews.

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septiembre 24, 2012

162. Either Do it or DIE

I had a dream wherein I had applied for a job at a record store, and I was given a certain schedule that I of course had to cover. However I was rather entertained in my reality with something else, I remember I was interacting or moving around with people and as such when the time came for me to go cover my job schedule, I simply decided not to go and the reason in this case was because ‘I didn’t require the money,’ thus I experienced this absolute laxity toward the point of responsibility simply because I was not being guided by survival to do it, which is something that I can see is related to the motivation/ motive-factor as that energetic point that acts like a crutch for me to move.

The stagnation and deliberate shoving away of responsibilities is part of this point. I’ve lost the ‘fear’ to not do things and within this, I have self sabotaged myself extensively, simply because all the ‘discipline’ that I had lived was in fact only based on fear and keeping up a reputation that in my mind, I could not ‘afford’ to spoil for one second.


When the characters were identified, in my mind I created this point of laxity toward responsibilities, like literally only doing it at the last moment and essentially justifying it – foolishly enough – with me no longer acting out of fear to get things done, but ‘testing my waters’ in relation to my own ‘self-movement’ once that such fear is apparently non existent. And I say ‘apparently’ because it is quite obvious how I actually only turned the tables and went to the opposite of being the ‘on time responsible one’ to be a deliberate procrastinator one. This was all done consciously/ me being aware of it, and the only point that I can see has factored into it is this ‘force’ wherein I have opted to simply give myself away to it and continue placing things aside, postponing it all simply because I don’t perceive such points getting done within a matter of life or death. This reveals to what extent we have only moved when there is either a positive or negative reward and in my case, in the dream, the ‘record store job’ I had always kept in the past as this ‘dream like job’ – even if I am now aware it is not ‘dream-like’ at all – as something that I would do out of pleasure and that was going to apparently only be like an extended hobby. So, in the dream when it came to actually cover my hours, I decided to simply not go and take it as lightly as possible, simply because there was no point ‘behind’ it that was pushing me to do it, to move.

 

The same has happened in many ways within my reality wherein I actually dislike the fact that we have to be threatened in one way or another to move, however even after knowing this, we simply don’t do it.  The words ‘What’s the benefit in it?’ is what comes to mind when looking at ‘points I have to do’ which implies that within such cases I am still ‘expecting’ something good or even something bad coming out of it, and this ‘jaded’ attitude toward consequences is actually another way to not take responsibility for the points that are simply not being done/ not given direction, wherein it is obviously a non-doing situation that cannot possibly be without ‘an experience’ as it is perceived in my mind. I see and realize that it actually has taken quite a hold of myself due to my own deliberate shoving-aside of things that I know I have to do, but I am not doing.

So, the dream revealed to me this aspect of ‘necessity’ to do things out of survival – such as a job- while also deliberately neglecting the compromise I had made to actually do the job, which is something that is ‘so unlike me’ in terms of how I used to function in the past as the character of being a responsible person, whereas now that such point is not so automated or triggered out of fear, I see that it is definitely a point of ‘If I don’t change and if  I don’t move, nothing will change and nothing will move.’

We got it all in words, I got all the tools, I realize and see the point – so what is this deliberate mindfuck that I’m playing onto myself? Not doing something out of thinking of the future consequences of it, of the actual time that it would take, of the reviews and criticism that it will take, of the several bureaucratic processes that I am supposed to go through, of all the times that I would have to re-write the damn thing, and within that I see how I have in fact squandered more time when deliberately pushing aside this whole thing believing that somehow it could magically be ‘overlooked’ which is ludicrous and fantastic to my awareness at this very moment, how far I have deluded myself.

For all actions and inactions there’s a consequence – in my dream I did not get to see the point of not showing up for my job, but I can see how as long as ‘my life didn’t depend on it,’ I would unlikely take it serious, which is absolutely unacceptable, as I had made a contract/ commitment to actually do it, regardless of the money-made and my actual need for it, as well as it being supposed to be this ‘job’ that I liked/ wanted to get at some point early on in my life, which also indicates how we can brainwash ourselves to the utmost degree and believe that we ‘got it all covered,’ and when the seemingly petty points emerge, we can in fact realize that such seemingly ‘small decisions’ turn into massive balls of snow that grow and grow the more time keeps rolling.

And this point of consequence can also be observed within the relationship with time and procrastination, how we literally enslave ourselves to this ‘time frame’ wherein actual fear is being built toward the point, unnecessarily so, but because of the amount of energy as resistance/ procrastination that’s been created, we in fact develop it all into this massive ball that is nothing else but our own creation. And this is where in my mind, as the ego, would have wanted to blame it onto everyone else but myself, which is obviously something that cannot possibly exist any further within me.

 

Postponement:  this Force as ourselves as the Mind operate – where in a moment, our habitual Personality would activate and then this Force would be that “physical experience” within oneself of REALLY not WANTING to push through the Personality pattern/habit, but rather continue following the habitually patterned thoughts/internal conversations and behaviour – essentially in that moment the Mind/Consciousness as ourselves as the accepted and allowed self-defined Personality we’ve become, force ourselves into and as Mind-Submission, giving up on ourselves and the opportunity we would have had in that moment if one had simply taken a breath and committed self to the decision of change/realisation and physically, practically completed/done the task/assignment/responsibility.” – Sunette Spies on

The FORCE: DAY 161

 

 

And the nail I have hit my head with today:

for example, can look at contexts of:

“Postponing with School/University Assignments/Tasks – compromising one’s future and survival in this world system that is, unfortunately at this stage really dependent on establishing a profession/having an education. Obviously yes even though this may not be guaranteed, it should still not be an excuse, reason, justification to not utilize the opportunity you have in this moment to complete your education. You do not know what the Future may bring, and therefore, rather utilize the opportunity you have with education, commit yourself to get it done, so as to not have to face the regret of not utilizing this opportunity you have, later in life. It is here in your life/world, therefore – do it, get it done.” – Sunette Spies

Character Dimensions – Practical Application (Part 1): DAY 163

This last bit was enough to say Oh mein Gott it is so obviously blatantly here and how it has been deliberately brushed off in order to make it seem like, you know, it’s not relevant, you know I’ll do it later, I’ll Eventually get onto it, I’ll obviously have to get it done. Hence the title wherein it is interesting to see how I can give a dribble and a plethora of excuses as to why I was not doing so, however in the end it is a simple point of choosing to be/become the mind that seeks for a point of comfort/ no ‘problem solving’ type of situation instead of actually realizing how enjoyable it even was to expand myself within getting into academic stuff, this is also related to any habit that was for example supportive and when we stop doing it for an extended period of time, we tend to simply ‘forget’ how we would actually enjoy ourselves writing/ doing/ saying something that we then created a negative-charge to in order to create this infamous procrastination loop.

And what’s fascinating is that somehow I managed to procrastinate reading Heaven’s Journey To Life this entire week, and as I re-read this I realized that this is a timeloop obviously otherwise it would not be HERE for me to look at, walk with such blatant and obvious timing support – and self forgiveness for the clear judgmental aspect that arises as I write this out:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing any form of reputation as being a ‘responsible being,’ without realizing that such character was also driven by fear and this is the time wherein I am in fact realizing what self-movement actually is and implies for the very first time and that judging myself for it, won’t do any ‘better’ for it – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I will be judged by ‘others’ for not having been consistent within my application, without realizing that I was perfectly aware of it and the deliberateness of it linked to this single point of allowing myself to be ‘driven’ by the force and believing that ‘I had it all sorted out’ which is actually the same point of ‘ignorance is bliss’ that many people may create as positive thinking, without realizing that I was doing exactly the same thing when talking myself out of taking responsibility for a single point that is here as my responsibility to be done, and within this, believe that there is ‘no consequence to it for others, but only myself’ which is also a point of self interest and deliberately shoving aside the fact that I am actually aware of how everything that we do/ don’t do does not only create a consequence for myself, but creates a consequence at the level of the whole  - and within this,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘lose my ground’ and actually having deliberately created this stance of ‘all is well’ within me wherein apparently I was ‘not caring about it/ about getting something done,’ without actually seeing that the masquerade of ‘all is well’ was stemming from actually seeing the actual fear that created it as the realization of time as consequence being directly proportional to the amount of time I’ve shoved aside this point which is time-looping at a maniac-rate –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually not even dare to be honest toward myself in relation to actually taking this point ‘by the horns’ because of not wanting to ‘expose’ myself to myself for the actual stupidity that it is to leave a task/ assignment/ evaluation aside believing that somehow it could not be ‘relevant’ to my reality any longer, which is quite the excuse to actually not take responsibility for myself and my creation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now that I am writing it out, actually experience a constriction in my chest and experience the heaviness as an energetic experience of fear in relation to seeing how long I have in fact excused myself out of this point and not given proper direction to it within the belief that I would ‘someday’ eventually do it and manage to get it all ‘perfectly done’ as I had done in the past, without considering that the past is not here as myself and that I cannot rely on ‘past patterns’ that require an actual DOING and giving direction to it within my reality, whereas before I would see them as an extension of who I am as such point of taking on a responsibility and committing myself to it.

 

When and as I see myself going into fear/ petrification when realizing the consequences of everything that I’ve done/ haven’t done, I stop and I breathe – I instead direct myself to not over-think about it and create yet another experience toward the pattern of procrastination but instead commit myself to do it, and this is not for the sake of keeping or sustaining an ‘idea’ of myself, but it is in fact part of what I had committed myself to be/ do/ become in my reality, wherein I am in fact then aware that it is a physical point to do within the current system that we live in and that it doesn’t matter if it’s required or not, it is a point for me to take on and ‘get it done’ no matter what, as I see and am aware that it cannot be pushed any further away in time than this.

 

So, I commit myself to get this done and I see and realize that breathing is the point to diffuse the experience within me which is a mix of fear and anxiety that I had managed to cover up with this seemingly ‘stable’ experience within me, while neglecting that it was not really a stable point of who I am but a make-believe stability because of knowing that I had been dragging one single point or various points around for an extended period of time without giving it direction and actually using other points in my reality to distract myself from taking responsibility for it – so another note here:

 

“Distraction – deliberately distracting ourselves with/as the Force of/as the Mind/a Personality, distracting us from/of ourselves, the physical to in/as that moment sabotage an opportunity for/as self-change/self-realisation within ourselves and our worlds. That we’d rather distract ourselves with and as the Mind/Personality, and attempt/try to validate/justify that distraction through and as the extent to which we can talk ourselves/convince ourselves in/as that moment from actually moving ourselves into and as a moment of change/realisation. All of which simply exemplify the nature of/as ourselves as human beings; that we’re deliberately utilizing ourselves as the Mind to not in fact really change, but conveniently only pay attention to our ‘comfort zones’ in the Mind to maintain separation and abdication of responsibility from/of ourselves and our worlds/realities.” – Sunette Spies  on The Force

 

So this entire point that came up in the dream wherein deciding to do the ‘fun thing/ that which I like/ that which made me feel ‘cool’  instead of  actually attending my schedule at the job and taking the point of Self Responsibility. So this is ‘my creations’ within the mindfuckism category, as Scott Cook has accurately coined the term – and it’s something I am definitely aware it’s not cool at all to perpetuate due to the actual extensive amount of energy it takes to keep shoving it aside, without actually ‘tapping’ on to it in the moment and just typing it out.

Okay, so this is the beginning of the end of me as the patriotic inhabitant of Procrasti-Nation – and this time it’s either I get it done or I swallow the already created consequences in the moment.

 

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septiembre 22, 2012

159. To Forgive the Ignorance and Bliss

Continuing from:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to as a child believe that there were in fact ‘special beings’ taking care of me/ my family/ my loved ones and that we were meant to be supported in a way that ‘not many’ would be supported, wherein I created a conflict within me trying to understand WHY it is that life was easy for some and would even get ‘extra protection’ and why some lived in poverty and were simply forgotten by this god/ entities that would ‘give blessings’ away without really going further basic questions of why us had this benefit and others didn’t, getting no proper answers and within that simply accepting things ‘for what they are/ how they are’ without going any further in questioning the points.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience within me every time that we would pray and feel like a ‘good person’ because I was ‘thinking’ about those that were not supported unconditionally by the system, within this accepting the fact that I must ‘add the impaired to my prayer’ as a form of being ‘benevolent’ and in that, thinking and believing that it would support them/ others to live better and that my words in fact would do any good to them.

I see and realize that I learned this as a way to create an experience of compassion within me every time that we would begin praying on a daily basis before going to school as a ‘reminder’ that there were people that were not having a proper living condition, and within this creating a powerlessness within me and further sadness upon someone else’s actual suffering and that this was never explained/ walked in practical manners as in how we could eventually support ourselves to create a new system in the world, because such thing did Not exist at all in the minds of parents, teachers or anyone else involved within the basic education of the child.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to as a child take prayers as a benevolent and good thing to do, without ever questioning whether my words would have any effect upon others’ and our lives, and why it is that if poor people were not being unconditionally supported we would only pray for them instead of finding an actual solution for it, which is a point I simply ‘took as it is’ without any further consequence, slowly but surely building a relationship toward god/ the unknown as a benevolent force that could in any way create solutions on Earth, and believing this to be so because everyone else said so.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create and develop a belief/ relationship  toward invisible beings that would apparently take care of me/ my family and within this think, believe and perceive that MY spirituality was in fact something special and that I had something special within me to have these protection/ communication, which became a hidden/secret aspect that I would always hold and take into consideration throughout my life as ‘special protection,’ however never questioning it further as to why it is that I was being supported with these and even having ‘problems’ apparently solved while I continued seeing my world and reality being subsumed in poverty,robberies, frauds, familial problems and an entire system that simply didn’t work, and having these so called help at the same time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept what others would tell me and within this, believe that I had to ‘take it as it is’ which is the premise of our acceptance and allowance of this entire system that we get from our parents and the generations before that wherein we learn that the world cannot be changed and that praying/ having a god/ resorting to positive thinking is a way to ‘support others,’ which is an absolute fallacy of the worst kind because we took pride and even create compassion out of believing that we could in some way better the lives of others through positive thinking and never in fact questioning further why such poverty exists, why are there people that must suffer in the world while there is plenty for all?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever try and later on blame things onto god/ spiritual beings for ‘forgetting about the real suffering in the world,’ without immediately realizing that it was in fact all about Me/ us as humanity and what we have accepted and allowed to exist while believing that there ever was some ‘greater force’ at hand, which was only a way to continue living in ‘bliss’ and abdicating our responsibility toward everything/ everyone while believing that we were in fact ‘helpless’ toward the situations of suffering in this world and that we could do nothing about it, without realizing that the system is us and that we have actually all the necessary skills and considerations to take responsibility for ourselves as this world system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience of compassion, care, and even sadness/ despair as well at the expense of those that actually suffer, which is what is linked to godhood beliefs about men being benevolent in any way, blindly missing that all we were doing is making ourselves feel good about the lives of others through praying and not questioning the system any further.

I commit myself to expose the deliberate ways in which spirituality, positive thinking and any belief in a god is an ignorant blissful belief that we have taken on in order to not question the system we’re living in As our creation and as our responsibility and within this, support ourselves/ each other to step out of such deception in order to take off the blindfold and begin realizing that no one will ever support something o someone through positive thinking/praying, and only actual doing, actual structuring and reforms to the current system are required in order to support all the ‘impaired ones,’ that are actually a direct outflow and consequence of some of us/ a minority in the world having a great life/ living condition while neglecting the aspects that were supposed to be given as a Right to all beings, such as Money to Live in dignity as a living right, which is what we are proposing as the Equal Money System wherein no more prayers will ever be required other than an actual gratefulness toward each other and the Earth, the Animal Kingdom for living in an Equality System for the first time in our existence.

We have the tools, we have the understanding from all the material available at Desteni and Eqafe how it is that we are absolutely responsible for everything and all that exists here, and that it is only ourselves as human beings that have the ability and responsibility to direct the current world system to a best for all living condition.

This will ensure that no more gods will be required as giving to all in equality is what any god should always aspire to be – let’s be gods, then - it’s just a word awaiting to be lived.

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