septiembre 01, 2012

140. Renewing Vows to Live

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see how I was shaping and molding myself to become a person that would use words, knowledge and information to regurgitate it and the be able to be glorified by it in my mind, seeing everything and all ‘above my shoulder’ wherein the very body that allowed me to carry myself as a fatuous person was in fact the very life that I abused while existing ‘on the road’ to be and become the personality that I thought would make me ‘successful’ in life, which was a rather conceited and self-centered person that would only ‘care’ about the world if such point was directly influencing ME only.

When and as I see myself looking only after satisfying me and only me at all times, I stop and I breathe – I realize that living in a world wherein individuality and the exacerbation of the ego as who we are, we have taken our body for granted and only focused on that which makes us ‘feel better/ good’ about ourselves without understanding What it is that we were in fact using/ abusing to  create this positive experience within us. Thus -

I commit myself to bring myself back here as breath in every moment that I see myself speaking or even wanting to speak something that will only add the ingredient of self-importance to what I have to say. I vow myself to ground myself here as life as what’s best for all in common sense, as there can be no need to make oneself ‘more than’ when existing here as life, as breath in the consideration of all as who we are.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an ‘empty headed’ person the moment that I would only care about ‘those that care about me,’ wherein all my familial, friendship and classmate relationships were always based on self interest, wherein the world could go ‘haywire’ but as long as I had ‘my world in place,’ I would not move a single finger to do something to support myself to become a better living being, simply because I wasn’t even existing as self-respect and self-consideration of the responsibility we hold toward all life here in our reality.

When and as I see myself ever going back to the point of only caring about ‘those in My world and My reality,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that there is an entire world that is here as myself, that is certainly also awaiting for us to stand up as living beings that no longer hold a family, culture, religion, language or any other legal association as ‘special,’ as I see that we have created a world-system based on hierarchy and specialness that we have imprinted in everything and everyone around us, constantly living in separation from the very objects, air, sun, oxygen, flesh, bones, skin, eyes and mouth to not see and speak and live as the physical flesh, but instead, gave ourselves away to be an empty head that searches for the light, the love, the bliss, the moments of ‘happiness’ and ‘joy’ that I deliberately sought to cherish for my own personal archive of experiences, never even giving a damn about any other being that wasn’t in My Reality in such moments of ‘bliss.’

When and as I see myself only caring about those in My reality – I stop and I breathe – I realize that even those that are only in cyberspace, there is an entire world ready to stand up as life, and that any point of separation that I want to ‘hold on to’ as special in my world, is essentially saying not willing to “give up” a single energetic relationship thread created toward something or someone that in fact exists as a point of separation, instead of walking an actual integration of myself as one and equal as everything/ everyone –

I commit myself to ensure that I regard all living beings, all particles, all and everything that I can see and cannot see at the moment as equal and one parts/ components of the integral self that we are here to honor as Life, as who and what we really are for the first time in our existential lifetime.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize how I was on my way to become an intellectual piece of grey matter that would only care about self-importance and really discriminate everything and all that had to do with Life itself, as I wasn’t regarding my very own physical body as that which is real, that which is who and what I am wherein I instead would ‘give head to’ glorious knowledge and information that would give me a ‘kick’ to learn and regurgitate as part of the words used as weapons of choice to always end up having ‘the last laugh/ the last word’ in a self-righteous mode

When and as I see myself wanting to still re-enact the ‘me’ that is always having ‘the last say/ the last laugh,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize this is not me as breath expressing, but me as the past as the ego wanting to have a ‘sip’ of drunken self-righteous energetic kick out of ‘exposing my wits’ in order to satisfy and stimulate brains as knowledge and information instead of actually speaking/ communicating/ sharing words that bring ourselves back here to Life/ living as the realization that humbleness is the way to stop any fatuous self-indulgent mind-activity that in no way supports life in equality.  Therefore,

I commit myself to live the reality of me here as breath wherein no thinking is required to exist as the physical body, within the realization that who I am as the configuration of the mind may come and go and that the reality that is me here as the physical, is what is real, is what remains and what will continue until its cycle end.

Thus, I realize that one more year in my life is for the first time an actual gratefulness for having the ability to LIVE and exist here, as I have committed myself to walk this process on Earth till is done – and here I renew my vows to life, to myself as life, and to all that is here that is ready to walk as life on Earth.

I commit myself to live the living-satisfaction way wherein I can only get to be satisfied about my actions, words and deeds as long as they all stand in absolute and unequivocal self-equality and oneness as I see and realize that it is through words that we learn to co-operate as the function that we decide to live in/as such words – thus it is through language that we continue educating ourselves, and through the physical actions the way that we ensure we become the examples that are here and will be here for everyone to finally wake up, open our eyes and realize that self-realization is always one single breath away.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not even notice the level of judgmental perspectives I would always be externalizing about the world, myself and everyone in it, wherein I never questioned if my words would have any effect on others/ the world and only seeing My Words as ‘My Right’ to speak, as if speaking in itself could do miracles, when it isn’t.

When and as I see myself stepping into the judgmental train of thought – I stop and I breathe. I realize that the world that we live in requires words that heal, words that support ourselves to realize the life that we are and carry around only as an ‘accessory’ for now – it is time to allow the physical to step to the front and utilize the mind to support the physical realization of who  we are as individuals seeking to satisfy themselves for a moment, to then be left with nothing else to ‘show off,’ – thus

I commit myself to expose and live the realization about thoughts, intellect, knowledge and information as a ‘self-righteous and ‘superiority’ complex wherein it is almost a certainty how all of us that were aiming at becoming ‘knowledgeable’ people were only accumulating knowledge and information as a weapon of choice to be ‘more rewarded’ in a system that we have All  accepted and allowed remunerates knowledge and information better than any other job including comments. Thus, I see and realize that to walk the most ingrained patterns within me,  I must walk my process in absolute clarity and specificity, as there are no mid ways to go through it, this time.

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