octubre 31, 2012

198. Wealth and Positivity a Synonym of Abuse

Continuation to the Elitist Character

Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments for the previous posts.

When and as I see myself linking an Image and current concept of wealth to state of happiness, joy, satisfaction  – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the problem it’s not in itself is not the image in itself, but how I have accepted it as a ideal of fulfillment that can only be currently achieved in our reality based on the amount of money that one can have in order to obtain such a lifestyle/ picture presentation reality, that should not exist as an ‘exclusive’ type of living, but should in fact exist as a possibility for all human beings within the consideration of what is a dignified living, wherein no abuse to create such ‘luxury’ takes place – thus, I direct myself to realize that living is not equated to the amount of properties or money that one may have, but having the necessary means to live and as such, realize that wanting ‘more’ than that within the current configuration of this system implies greed.

I commit myself to realize that Living in this world does not mean having all the positive experiences that money can buy, as this money is currently existing as an abusive point in our reality, and within this it is to be aware of how I align myself to a living consideration of what is required in this world to live, based on what is best for all, ensuring that I remain within the current considerations of living without seeking a positive experience linked to ‘wealth’ in itself, but take into consideration the actual processes that have allowed and enabled such ‘wealth’ which at all times within this current system, implies abuse-  thus it is to Stop desiring to have a positive experience and instead, direct oneself to realize what actual living implies with having the basics to live and directing one’s life to equalize an optimum living condition for all beings on Earth.

When and as I see myself identifying a general positive attitude that is being presented by people such as smiling and having a general well-being based on the amount of money that they have/ the security that money represents within them, and within this Desiring to experience the same as them, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is within this images that we seek to become that we neglect HOW such happiness/ wealth/ well being exists in this world only for a minority, while it is the majority that is enslaved to maintain/ sustain/ produce all the necessary aspects that create a ‘fulfilling life’ that only a few can afford. Thus I allow myself to realize that the picture is not Real, but it is an illusion based on the positive experience and positive energy that money creates and enables a few to have/ experience at the expense of the abuse of life, because of this current world system existing as the representation of who we have become as an energetic experience as the imposition toward that which is Physically Here as Life. 

I realize that the perfect picture representations in this world representing ‘happiness’ and ‘joy’ and ‘stability’ based on smiles, perfect picture homes and living conditions at this moment, are but incentives/ motivation factors for everyone to keep accepting the current world system ‘as is,’ without any further attempt to question it/ study it/ realize how it works, because it’s become easier to follow the positive experience of happiness/ joy that money brings than pondering why such well being must be strived for instead of unconditionally existent and given/ received by and through each other’s agreement to give to ourselves what is Best for All as a dignified living condition, that will not then be based on positive energy, but a physical constancy and consistency of being able to support All Equally.

When and as I see myself being complacent to accept the fact that one must ‘strive’ to make a living and linking the word ‘doing good’ with ‘earning lots of money’ or that one can be instantly benefitted within a particular privileged lifestyle– I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to at all times take into consideration what Lies behind the creation of wealth, how all these luxury products and a general luxurious type of living is currently only possible within a system of abuse because not everyone has equal access to it. Within this, it is to always direct myself to remain physically aware of directing my life and living considerations to that which enables me to physically live.

I realize that this was the imprint I got as a child in order to believe that I could only get to be fulfilled/ happy if I pursued an ultimate wealthy lifestyle that would allow me to experience the same that I saw people with money experienced within themselves, which is an energetic experience based on money that which allows such wealth and fulfilling lifestyle to be passed on from generations to generations, without having questioned until now.

I commit myself to expose how we’ve accepted and allowed the concept of fortune/ wealth as a positive experience,e while in fact, it cannot possibly exist/ be materialized without other beings being deliberately abused/ used in order to create a heavenly existence only for a few, which is unacceptable and as such, the passing on of wealth from generation to generation must not be an elitist-way of living only, but a general living condition within an Equality system wherein wealth won’t exist in the form of ownerships and money itself, but as the actual wealth of being able to sustain and maintain a system that will ensure that all beings are taken care of from birth to death from generation to generation, without anyone being left out of this equation.

 

When and as I see myself immediately assessing a being’s ‘status’ in terms of their picture presentation, their  vocabulary, their family, house, properties as the general ‘money-condition’ and defining who I am toward them based on them having this or not having any of this at all – I stop and I breathe -  I direct myself to treat all beings equally regardless of any indication of them having money/ not having money as I see and realize that I had been conditioned to create a divide toward people based on the amount of money they had.

I realize that any form of ‘positive quality’ within a being such as having an education, properties, ‘proper manners’ and expression abilities are in fact only characteristics that are able to be acquired by a few that have an inherent support from their families that were already existent within a position in the world system that would enable these people to have proper house, proper education, and a general well being image that is linked to a ‘well being’ in the realm of luxury and comfort, which is then something that is not readily available for us – thus any indication of valuing people according to their image presentation within the connotation of them having money/ not having money, is in fact part of the segregation and general discrimination that I had accepted and allowed based on my ideas of believing that I had to only seek to fulfill my life with the ‘positive experience’ and literally avoid/ deny/ suppress/ get away from anything or anyone that represented  the ‘not having money’ aspect of our reality.

I commit myself to equally expose and educate others as myself to understand how it is really like worshiping the Evil the moment that we are all wishing and desiring to become the epitome of the Elitist person in the world, as that ideal should be a synonym of the most abusive person in the world, based on how wealth/ money can only exist as a benefit for some while the reality that is suffering and that has no access even to the most basic goods and services, are relegated, denied, suppressed and never brought to a single question which is Why have we accepted and allowed poverty and misery as part of the a population’s living condition? And instead only focus on achieving, wanting and desiring to obtain our ‘happiness’ which is linked to money and a position of power above others within this current world system, which is unacceptable.

When and as I see myself linking the belief of happiness to a single property or ideal living condition, I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to realize that we’ve limited and reduced Life to being an experience based on the amount of money that one can have or not – thus I direct myself to identify this ultimate well being of perfect picture presentations as part of the abuse that we’ve all participated in while neglecting the fact that one can only ‘thrive’ in this world based on creating the most profit in any way possible, which already implies a relationship of abuse within the current world system that is Not considering such well being as a human right to every living being here.

I realize that this is the most basic form of mind control that we’ve accepted and allowed within our reality, wherein we have focused Only on pursuing our happiness through becoming wealthy/ having lots of money as the ultimate state of ‘power,’ success and satisfaction in the world, without ever questioning why it is that such well being had to be strived for instead of being readily given for all beings in equality.

When and as I see myself allowing myself to determine ‘who I am’ based on the amount of money that I have/ don’t have – I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to realize that money is currently only a point that allows me to buy that which I require to Physically live and not Mind-Experience live, which means that I direct myself to use the money in order to satisfy my needs and requirements to live.

I realize that defining who I am based on the amount of money I have and creating a positive or negative experience must be at all times realized as part of the inherent accepted and allowed programming of life as an experience wherein having lots of money is linked to being happy and not having money being linked to sadness/ depression – thus it is to realize that for the moment, the living conditions in this world is existent within a polarity of a majority living in a constant depression/ crisis due to money and that only a few experience such ‘confidence/ security’ based on the amount of money one has – thus, I commit myself to educate ourselves to understand how we will all only be absolutely fulfilled when we understand that we require to provide/ give equal access to the necessary resources/ goods/ services that every living being requires, as that would ensure an equal and one acceptable well being wherein we can finally stop all forms of crisis/ depression as an opposition and directly-created polarity manifestation of wealth/ happiness linked to money.

When and as I see myself being ‘unsatisfied’ with what I have based on money, I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to realize that my satisfaction resides on the ability to fulfill my basic needs such as eating, having the basic services, housing, health support if necessary and a general well being in terms of living environment, which is the basic aspects one can have a dignified living with –

I realize that this dissatisfaction can only exist in a physical reality when we don’t have enough money to eat/cover our basic needs, and that any other form of dissatisfaction can only exist based on wanting to ‘have more’ in order to have a positive experience based on having lots of money, which would be re-enacting the processes that enable this world system to continue functioning based on the instigation of a desire to fulfill – such as being wealthy – while never questioning why it is that a proper living condition is not a readily given point of support for every human being – within this,realizing that wanting more than this as a point of seeking energetic experiences is the point of abuse.

When and as I see myself judging people with lots of money/ wealth as being ‘more’ than myself as well as being conceited/ arrogant or identifying them with vainglory, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can only hold a judgment toward them based on the identification of people equal to the amount of money they have, which is not a real consideration as to who the being really is as a physical being that is equal to myself – thus, I stop projecting my own spitefulness desires of having what they have and being envious about them, leading to creating a negative experience toward their attitude/ beingness and direct myself to treat them/ communicate with them as equals.

When and as I see myself experiencing a discomfort when being with people that currently have a wealthy position in the world system and creating a negative experience toward them – I stop and I breathe – I realize this only exists as long as I hold  a particular knowledge and information such as them being ‘wealthy’ as ‘who they are’ which is not in fact so , thus I stop seeing the person as their money and possessions– I direct myself to communicate and equalize my expression toward other beings at a physical level wherein I ensure that I stick to the practicality and physicality of the interaction on an equal one basis.

I commit myself to also walk the realization of how this perceived ‘power’ that others have based on the amount of money they have is stemming from a general acceptance of money as ‘power over life’ and within his, power over everyone else that would not have a similar amount of money as an actual personality that we’ve become wherein we have separated ourselves form ‘the elite’ as well and seeing them as ‘more’ than ourselves, when in fact, we are accepting the very ‘value’ of money to become more than ourselves and a such create social status that in no way stand as a consideration of all beings being equal as life.

I commit myself to expose how in this world, for the positive the Negative must exist and that as long as we keep valuing a ‘rich’ and ‘famous’ lifestyle as something positive as in having a lot of money, we are in fact accepting and allowing to neglect the negative/ the abuse/ the suffering that is accepted in this world as in people not having the necessary to live/ striving to make a living in order for only a few to have the positive experience of happiness/ joy/ confidence/ security/ well being that money in this current world system provides – thus it is only within the Equal Money System that we’ll be able to remove this energetic polarity as an experience created by the lack or ownership of money and instead, ensure everyone has equal access to all that is require to live in an optimum condition, as that is what we would want for ourselves, so we give it to all in equality and stop the polarization of society.

I commit myself to expose how it is only through the individual understanding of Equality as Self as one and equal to Life that we can in fact promote a living change in this world, as no system will do it For Us, but we have to in fact take responsibility for the disparity we’ve accepted thus far in our reality, which is mostly unacceptable based on the conditions that have been perpetuated without a question for far too long – time to Wake UP from the brainwashing of happiness, positivity, wealth and fortune as something ‘good’ in this reality within the current context of this world system.

More Self Corrective and Self Commitments to come…

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octubre 30, 2012

197. Friends of Convenience

How many times have you been in the position of not ‘bearing’ a person but remaining with them for their material possessions, their house and general lifestyle they could provide you with in an indirect manner? Are friendships also based on the amount of benefits one get from one another? Is this happiness?

 

Continuation to the Elitist Character 

"I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand how, with what we accept and allow within ourselves – we will accept and allow in the without of ourselves. Accepting and allowing poverty, famine, starvation to exist as the Physical Sorrow of/as this physical existence, to accept and allow Elitism to exist as the Physical Joy – with the Physical Sorrow, being caused/manifested by/through no Money, and the Physical Joy, being created by/through an abundance of Money. In reality – creating the negative/bad/low and also the positive/good/high, where we have not seen, realised and understood that we have created/manifested the Evil of/as this World System as a direct-mirror of/as the Evil of the Mind/Consciousness – where, as the Mind, as with the World System, we would continue accepting and allowing the polarities of positive and negative, so that we can continue using these polarities at the benefit of producing more energy within, and more money without, all of it at the sacrifice of the Physical Body, and so this Physical Existence, and actual humans, animal, earth lives." – Sunette Spies*

 

The memory that comes to mind is going to a very nice house of my parents’ group of friends and I was absolutely baffled at the luxury that these people lived in – I was probably 6 years old and I remember having a very bad experience with the girl of the house that was around 2 years older than me and that I was supposed to be playing with, because I perceived her as absolutely controlling, bossy and overtly conceited to the point wherein I simply kept quiet, interacted only bits while feeling generally uncomfortable and mostly keeping myself quiet, which is a general point I tend to act out when being ‘Intimidated’ by someone, which in this case and as a regular pattern throughout my life from there on, was linked toward people that I knew had money/ were rich/ had some sort of ‘power’ according to society.

So, in that moment I didn’t like being there and would be judging her as a spoiled kid with all these toys and ‘expensive stuff’ that I obviously did not have, which lead me to feel ‘less than’ her, yet at the same time creating this desire to one day have the ability to have such a house, such toys/ luxury and essentially what I believed then was like ‘dream like’ living-condition. Besides the point of desiring what the girl and this family had, I realized somehow that being related to these people was something I could benefit from, and that relationships with these particular group of friends would eventually lead me to get to a similar lifestyle in my reality, or at least enjoy it while going to their houses. Thus, even if I disliked and would most likely keep secret judgments about the girls and the family in general at ‘face value’ based on my general discomfort of being with her and in such ‘tight’ events,  I played along in order to be able to go and play with her stuff and enjoy her house, which actually didn’t happen in the end with this particular girl – but, the point is seeing how convenience ruled and hypocrisy became something that I begun playing out even as a child, learning how to smile even though I was uncomfortable just because of being in a social situation that I knew I could have some benefit from and that I only required to present myself as the ‘good girl’ at all times, while in fact not really enjoying the presence of particular beings BUT liking the environment/ the comfort/ the lifestyle that I could experience for a while there.

- Within this post, I’ll begin with writing Self Forgiveness upon linking the having lots of money/ wealth/ power/ success to a positive experience, fulfillment and a general happiness as ‘my purpose in life’ that I believed I had to pursue in order to be able to experience such ‘well being’ for myself again in my future.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the picture/ image and concept of luxury as having lots of money to happiness, joy, bliss, comfort and a general well being that I began to desire from that moment as a child and on, wherein I would then constantly be assessing my own house, my own toys, my own ‘lifestyle’ and family in comparison to what I had seen with people with more money and identifying them as a ‘better class’ as an elite that I believed were ‘more’ than ourselves, more educated, more ‘refined’ wherein I attached a positive value toward everything that could be bought with ‘lots of money’ such as big houses, big luxury cars, lots of toys, nice clothes, expensive schools and general way of being that I linked to a characteristic and quality which is having refined physical mannerisms, all of this which I installed as a ‘future desire within my life’ to fulfill.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to imprint the ‘picture perfect family’ as this still thought as the image of the house in the background and the family standing outside in the garden, altogether waving goodbye and being seemingly happy wherein particularly their ‘well being’ as the smile on their faces became a desire for me to also mimic and experience, which is why their attitudes and mannerisms became a basic ‘imprint’ within me from just that one day in order to play it out/copy it in future events to denote a form of ‘elegance’ and ‘class’ and ‘etiquette’ that I had acquired only from that day that I visited this family in their house.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the answer from my father without a question in terms of why these people were ‘so rich’? and how it was due to a family business lineage that they belonged to, wherein I then immediately saw it as something that was ‘meant to be’ and that was ‘acceptable’ within this world, wherein only a few families/ businesses/ lineage/ bloodlines are allowed to have all the luxury in the world/ all the money, while the rest of society has no access to such equal amount of benefits at all. Within this I realize that as a child I created this concept of wealth as a positive thing that one would want to ‘aspire to obtain,’ because of listening to y father saying that ‘they would do GOOD in their business’ which I linked then wealth to success to happiness, joy and bliss as the ideal lifestyle that I desired to have for many, many years just based on that one single day that I went to such house and got a vivid ‘idea’ of what being rich is all about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that people with lots of money were in fact ‘better human beings’ as in ‘more civilized’ wherein I then desired to have such a status and position to Not be someone from the rest of the populace which I then begun comparing as ‘less than’ with adjectives related to rude, uneducated, unrefined as an inherent quality to people that don’t have ‘lots of money’ and therefore, their education was not as ‘good’ as the elitist’s one, which I began to take as a frame of reference to see who I would want to be friends with according to their picture presentation, their vocabulary, their parents, their house and everything that could denote that me being friends with them, would mean having luxury and benefits that I would not get at home/ not have them as readily available as these other beings would. Thus beginning to divide my perspective toward people based on money/ social position instead of actually seeing the being as one and equal to myself and direct myself to treat them all equally.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create the belief that I had to be and become a ‘successful person’ and ‘do good with money’ as in linking this good/ positive experience to luxury, to having a big house with a big garden and animals and a ‘doll’s house’  and lots of toys that I could store in huge cabinets, and houses that seemed like a maze which I have linked to ‘perfect houses’ as in being able to provide a comfortable experience which was all based on money and within this, wanting to be someday a ‘successful person’ so that I could have all of this luxury that I became quite infatuated with for some time while growing up – within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to pray to ‘god’ every day that we could win a huge house in a particular ruffle because that house represented ‘my dream come true’ as witnessed within this particular situation of the elitist house and how I would literally say that I would not ask for anything else any longer But that single house that would make me happy – and in this, equating happiness and fulfillment to ‘having a big house’ that was  part of a ruffle, and when we did not get it, I simply began questioning the might of my ‘prayer’ because ‘god’ had not listened to me/ given us the house of my dreams.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link happiness, well being and confidence to ‘having lots of money’ wherein I believed that my condition as my inner-beingness and experience was determined and defined by the amount of money we had, which is how I had created this immediate ‘pick-up’ experience in my family wherein whenever my father was ‘happy’ for having a ‘good day at work,’ I would be equally happy and joyful as he was – and when he was in a ‘bad mood’ according to having had a bad day at work or a continued phase of bad business days, I became more quiet and distant and worried all the time, just because of realizing that we were in a dire economical situation, wherein I simply accepted the fact that Money determined ‘who I am’ in my every day living condition.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my ‘ideal life in the future’ having ‘lots of money’ as a default ingredient, based on what I had witnessed was possible for human beings to have and live by in ‘my reality,’ which then created this constant inner conflict of me becoming rather unsatisfied with my house, with the toys that I had, with our cars, our general social-condition because of desiring the life of others that had ‘much better stuff than we did,’ and within this linking the middle-class situation to not being ‘good enough’ and as such, allowing myself to pursue relationships and social links that would allow me to get to experience such luxury for some time, even if it was for the while I could go and visit and enjoy their homes and ‘toys.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create this general judgment of rich people being mostly spoiled and within this being mostly ‘conceited’ wherein I then would not entirely enjoy such personalities, but would manage to ‘cope with it’ because of me wanting to remain as ‘friends’ so that I could benefit from going to the places and residences they lived in, playing with their extensive variety of toys and generally all the ‘goods’ they would have heaps of due to the amount of money their parents had, which I didn’t have at home – thus, becoming prone to constantly be seeing my family and house and my ‘belongings’ as less than because they weren’t as good as the stuff and properties that other beings had.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to begin linking ‘friendship’ to convenience this way, wherein I knew that if I was to be friends with someone, I would rather pick someone that I could get some benefit from at the level of money/ experiences bought with money, wherein even if their house wasn’t that great BUT they would have lots of toys or lots of variety of candy/ foods that I would not get at home, would be equally equated to ‘positive points’ that I would consider in order to remain being friends with them.

I forgive myself that I never questioned how it is that I would most of the times not want to go and ‘hang out’ with the kids themselves, but would mostly talk myself in my mind to go there to be able to enjoy their house, toys and house environment which to me then seemed like a better reason to go than actually being fully willing to spend my time with the beings themselves.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to from there on, measure the convenience that I had in relation to friendships/ relationships in general at school and friends of friends and people that I would meet according to the house they lived in, their social habits, the foods they ate/ were able to afford, the general ‘status’ they had within society according to the money they have as all of that would mean that I was able to be benefitted from in one way or another.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to remain within this belief of rich people being happy/ better human beings and never questioning such condition as opposed to the rest of the world and even ourselves when not having sufficient money and within this, creating a general acceptance of wealth as a ‘good life’ that I simply had to ‘work hard for’ in my future, and that in the meantime, I could obtain a bit of it through friendships, wherein the more benefits I would get from such friendships, the more ‘comfortable’ it was for me to spend my days with them, even if at times the relationship with the people themselves was not ‘great’ – but would always convince myself of simply ‘bearing with them’ as long as I could have my own benefit of experiencing myself in their houses/ with their toys/ eating their food and going out to the places they went to and so forth.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to grow up within this belief that everything that I had to look for/ aim at was to have lots of money and social relationships that could ‘back up’ such lifestyle  - being ‘equally wealthy’ –  wherein I linked this belief to a purpose in life, an absolute fulfillment wherein I knew that my entire schooling/ career years would have to aim at this ultimate power and success, being equated to ‘doing good’ according to what I learned at home. Within this, never questioning why I would only be wanting to pursue such happiness for myself only and never even looking at other people's lives and their ability to do the same, simply because I became used to thinking that each one had to ‘climb their way’ within society through ‘hard work’ and foolishly believing that only those that were wanting to have this similar social status, would have to ‘work hard’ or come from a wealthy family  - automatic riches – to then be part of the elite within society – never questioning if it was in fact that All people could equally get to have such amount of money even with  also ‘working hard,’ never questioning at that stage why then poor people were poor but only accepted it as part of my reality just like anything else that I would see was flawed – never fully questioned it, just kept walking my way to get to have my ‘happy wealthy life’ one way or another.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having created a resistance to walk this point based on how I would be ‘seen’ as self-interested person that is elitist, without realizing that as long as we keep hiding the actual ‘mechanics’ that we’ve existed as throughout our lives, we’ll remain neglecting our responsibility to this world as is, and would keep having a ‘safe spot’ within our egos to not ‘touch upon’ without realizing that it is in fact through walking the seemingly ‘unimportant’ that is the most relevant when it comes to basic mechanisms in which we have conditioned ourselves to Think reality, instead of Living Reality.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to deny the fact that I had Also at some point of my life also vehemently desired to be rich and wealthy as a synonym of ‘happy life,’ wherein I had almost tried to bury and hide such phase of my life due to the judgment I held toward the ‘me’ that I was while growing up until my early teens, wherein I was pretty much worried and concerned about society, upper classes, wealth and a general desire to be part of such realm due to the close-encounters with it, and believing that ‘life was much better when having it all,’ which remained as a constant conflict whenever I realized that I wasn’t wealthy and that getting such amount of wealth was mostly impossible for my family – thus acquiring a constant experience in a non-conscious level of not being living to my ‘upmost potential’ because of money always existing as something that is ‘there’ however in a limited manner, and not as ‘limitless’ as I would have wanted it to be.

I commit myself to continue opening up the elitist construct  as I see and realize that even the current lifestyle that I have ‘chosen’ to have is almost like a way to want to redeem myself from the money-desires that I had in my past in one way or another. And also realizing how within the Equal Money System there will be no need to desire ‘the neighbor’s house’ and money, as all will be granted with equal access to an optimum living condition for a lifetime.

Self Corrective Statements in the following post along with continuing dissecting the basic imprints on the Evil that this Elitist construct represents within me, as the separation that Money exists as within our world and society representing the ultimate segregation from the value of Life in Equality to a set of imposed values of more than/ less than existing at the benefit of only a Few in this world, which defined my interactions and general considerations toward other human beings in an almost unnoticeable automatic manner.

 

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octubre 29, 2012

196. The Elitist Evil behind Relationships

 

“I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realise and understand the commonsense, practical, physical question regarding: the things coming up in the Mind, “seemingly coming from nowhere”, that I never questioned “where the things that come up in my Mind, seemingly from nowhere go when/as I resist/deny/suppress/ignore it?” – Sunette Spies*

 

 

Continuation to

 

So far I’ve walked the point of believing that I had the ‘right’ to assess reality outside of myself and Think/ Believe and/ Perceive that ‘I had nothing to do with that’ and that whatever would come up in my mind was strictly pointing out what existed in others wherein any form of reaction that ensued from this, was taken as ‘ my right’ to react to whatever I thought/ assessed about another.

See the point? I created my own judgments/ perspectives upon something/ someone in one moment, within my mind only, and according to my own assessment based on judgments, ideas, beliefs, perceptions, preferences at the level of backchat, I defined who I would be in such a moment toward the person and event. Now, where is the physical reality participation in this? Nowhere, I would mostly do this is one single moment of observing, ‘assessing people’ and according to this ‘evaluation’ determine already who I would be toward the person/ environment based on how much I could benefit from the relationship/ situation – mostly obviously, focusing on the economic status of the person and future relationships, which is mostly how I am realizing I was programmed to always be aware of and ensure that I would create relationships based on money, in which I accepted and allowed myself to become a silent elitist in my mind.

Why is this relevant to my process? I have shoved aside many times my own elitism implanted at an early age wherein I was taught to be aware of the amount of money people had within my ‘friends at school’ and within this, always being asked questions by my mother about the social status of my friends, their parents their jobs and this eventually making me angry because at my eyes, I knew that the point was me only seeking to be with people in the same ‘social status’ which eventually lead me to rebel against that at a later stage which is another story much later in my teenage years – however, as a child because of being under the ‘control’ of my parents, I would frequent and get along with kids that were part of an upper class that I was quite oblivious to before the age of 6, thus generating this inherent desire to one day have their life, their money and as such, believing that keeping these relationships would lead me to a similar economic outcome as them/ their families which is an upper middle class close to rich people.

Now, the most prominent point would always be remaining quiet in these situations and events. about the reactions as a defense mechanism, while keeping a ‘welcoming face/ gesture’ on my face when being in an environment that I was busy quickly assessing and deciding who I would be in such situations – the event here is not yet relevant, what is relevant is walking that condition of, after having gone through the righteousness of believing that ‘I am right/ I have the right to assess others’ then simply remain quiet and allow my own thoughts to determine who I am toward others/ in a particular moment/ even in my reality based on the benefit I could get ‘in the future’ from being liked/ accepted by a particular type of people. Why is this? Protection mechanism based on the fear of not being liked/ accepted/ welcomed, fear of  rejection and as such, limiting my ability to benefit from such relationships.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be thinking and valuing others and a moment in reality according to the amount of benefit I would get from such relationships, wherein I essentially allowed my self interest of experiencing a life of joy, comfort and luxury instead of common sense of an actual empathy toward the beings I was being acquainted with.  Within this, assessing my own participation in reality according to the amount of positive experiences I would get from it, which implied me having to ‘keep quiet’ all the judgments and assessments made toward others in order to remain accepted and liked by people that I thought and realized I could ‘benefit from’ within creating a friendship/ acquaintance that would lead me to a similar living-outcome based on the material possessions/ money they represented, which became a desire within me as well.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to determine reality according to my own subjective values of ‘what is in it for me?’ wherein the participation within any event/ activity/ relationships, was always made from the starting point of building a reputation of being a ‘good valuable person’ which would ensure that I created the necessary façade to not have any problems in my reality/ get the most benefits in reality, as I Knew that as long as one present an actively warming attitude and gentleness, people immediately create a point of trust and comfort which is assuring an imprint within another person’s mind of oneself being a ‘good person’ in order to then be able to get something out of the person in exchange to such amicable link in a future moment/ situation wherein such relationship would come in ‘handy’ for my own benefit.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use people, events and situations to my own benefit to build my own ‘persona’ as the reputation that I was aiming at in order to be liked/ accepted/ praised/ recognized by many people and within this appraisal obtained through me creating a positive input within their lives, assure my own ‘triumph’ within everything that I would commit myself to be and become in my reality, as I understood the importance of social relationships in order to escalate in the social-stratus, wherein me having ‘high hopes / aims’ within this world, I knew that I would have to present ‘the good side’ of myself, which was specifically prefabricated in order to create social relationships so that I could benefit from it, accumulating ‘positive relationships’ stemming from the actual fear of being relegated, ostracized, disowned, discriminated and essentially treating me as ‘less than’ everything that I wanted to be and become, which is linked to obviously ending up with no money/ no comfort/ no ‘happiness’ in my world – within this using relationships in my reality in order to only benefit myself, never considering how such relationships could be transformed to a point that could benefit all, because such principle was not even considered within myself in the past.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become a cunning observer of reality and acting according to the expected ways within the social-terms of how I would ensure that I always would have people on my side/ people that would like me and accept me within the realization that within this world system, the more you create relationships based on an empathy at a character-level of being a ‘good person,’ one ensures a point of support,  which is how I would abide to these rules in order to ensure that I would do things for others expecting something in return ‘in the future,’ and within this, seeing my participation within relationships with others as a plain act of hypocrisy in order to generate a good reputation for myself for and if I ever required to get something from a person or a situation, ensuring that I would most likely ‘get what I wanted’ based on me having first created a positive-link toward people, ensuring that they would ‘remember’ who I am and as such, support me/ help me out with any point that I would require from them in order to succeed/ achieve my goals or be gotten ‘out of trouble’ which reveals how every decision I made with regards to relationships in my reality were measured according to the amount of benefit I could obtain from them for either any potential ‘upgrading’ in my lifestyle or ‘getting me out of trouble.’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to asses people and define ‘who they are’ according to the amount of money/ education they have and accordingly having decided to either evolve/ develop the relationship Or not participate at all, wherein the not participation would imply already that I would not get ‘anything’ out of such relationships that would support my aim of being and becoming someone ‘better’ in terms of escalating a social-stratus, ‘hanging out’ with more educated people which reveal to what extent I allowed myself to support the polarization of this world within the very ‘weighing process’ of my relationships since I was a young girl.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become used to seeing money as a relevant factor that would determine who I could hang out with/ who I would rather refrain from relating with, base on this inherent belief that I had to stick to people that I could benefit from at an economical and social-relationship level, which became the elitist mind within me that was an aspect of being the ‘good person’ as a building block of a reputation that I was busy scheming throughout my life in order to be and become someone of ‘power’ in my reality, aided from all of these relationships that I thought I could benefit from.

When and as I see myself assessing a relationship with a particular person based on the amount of money and benefit that I can obtain from such relationship, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this has significantly being walked as part of my process, however the point of creating relationships based on the benefit I can get from others at a later stage is still here wherein the only acceptable way of creating relationships in our social-reality at this stage, is to ensure that the outcome of such benefit can be directed and linked specifically to a best for all outcome, this is the Only acceptable way to continue creating relationships/ acquaintances within our reality

I commit myself to walk a process of self forgiveness and self corrective statements and application to ensure that there is not a single bit of self interest implied within the relationships that I create as getting something out of it for my own personal benefit – I instead ensure that I become aware of the relationships that I create, verifying that each one of them stands in alignment with the principle that I am living my life as, which is that of creating, establishing and being the very building block of a world in Equality, wherein all relationships will stop being only based on personal gratification, self interest, greed and the ‘upgrade’ of social-stratus based on wealth, and instead develop the very basic considerations of equal and one support to one another wherein Money is not a decisive factor within it, but more of a necessary mean at this stage in this world to develop and create a world system that will be based on Life in Equality.

I commit myself to stop participating in the same relationship dynamics that have lead to the polarization of reality wherein we have only sought to benefit ourselves/ escalate positions while ignoring the absolute hideous reality that the majority is existing in because of  only a few being busy building further ladders to escalate in the social stratus while neglecting the fact that we are equal and one to that which we neglect, deny  and suppress which is the poverty and the lack in this world based on an economic system that has not supported all beings equally – within this

I commit myself to walk this process of relationships in order to direct relationships to stop being the building blocks of this elitist society that is having money as a god, and as such align the understanding of how it is that only within the realization of the Real Value within Life which is LIFE can relationship and ourselves as individuals actually thrive in reality, as the moment that only self interest is continued to be sought in this reality for our own benefit only, the more we continue the separation, greed and absolute neglect toward the rest of the world that is Here as ourselves and requires to be always taken into consideration with ever y single relationship that we form from here on, as equals, dedicating ourselves to stop egotistical desires of ‘fame and fortune’ and instead, stand up to create and manifest a living condition that is dignified for all beings on Earth, as this is in fact what I would want others to give to each other in an equal manner as the actual well being we are perfectly capable of installing in this life.

 

There is a particular memory coming up which I will write about in my next blog. And this will be a series of exploring this which I had certainly not written about in my process before, which are these seemingly ‘unimportant’ experiences in my early childhood with particular groups of people and ‘friends’ that I was close to due to my parents’ relationships, which had a ‘better economic position’ than us and how many times I would swallow my experience toward them, my own anger, judgments and general irritation and envy within such friendships just because of not wanting to miss out the opportunity to go to the places where they lived and play with their games, and hang out in their homes which I perceived were better than my own and obviously, it was all based on the money that they had.

 

 

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octubre 27, 2012

195. The Righteousness of Evil

 

“And I questioned myself many times why it was like me wanting to simply ‘let go’ of such nagging experience, without realizing that it won’t just be ‘gone’ by me kind of only ‘thinking’ about it and coming to realizations like ‘oh yes, it’s the evil in me’ and turn around and keep going with my ‘life.’ Of course it cannot work like that, that’s precisely how we have lived as humanity, just wanting to brush-off, neglect and hide the actuality of our inner experience.”

Continuation to 194. Let the Mask Fall!

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to every time that I would get into an experience of discomfort and general uneasiness within myself to not further investigate within me what was it that I was experiencing, but only brush it aside, believe it would ‘go away’ with time, thinking that I simply had to just breathe through it and not look as myself, my own creation, my own reflection– which is another way of simply trying to cover up my actual experience by creating another ‘state of being,’ which would compensate the inherent inner experience of there being something ‘nagging’ within me that I apparently could not ‘define,’ with a positive experience as righteousness.

I realize that I did this without realizing that it was in fact the beingness of myself that was not being looked at in fact as the actual thoughts, backchat and internal conversations that I would righteously believe were ‘right’ and a proper ‘assessment’ of reality, never ever considering how everything that I was thinking and creating an experience about, was never about the environment but it was always about myself only.

When and as I see myself going into this ‘nagging/ discomfort’ within myself in my every day living – no matter where or with whom – I stop and I breathe – I realize that there is Something going on that Must Not be just ignored, as it is actually an indication that I’ve been thinking about something and not wanting to look at it, as that would mean actually facing the reality of myself as the thoughts, ideas, projections that I usually participate in, but that I had righteously believed is ‘proper’ and ‘acceptable’ for me to just ‘let be’ and continue going. I realize that All thoughts, All backchat, All experience that I might initially see as ‘indefinable’ actually has a beginning/ a starting point Within/ As Me that I must work with within myself to actually face the reality that I’ve become, instead of wanting to brush it off/ leave it for later and believe it is Not-important, while it is in fact in those seemingly ‘unimportant moments’ that the key to get to know the exact detail of myself really resides in.

I commit myself to stop brushing aside, leaving for later the immediate self-investigation through writing, self forgiveness, self corrective application about an inner experience that I have generally defined as ‘nagging/ bothering’ which has remained undefined due to me not having deliberately worked with such experiences as an active part of my process out of Fearing seeing the reality of myself, but only believe that it will go away eventually by simply ‘not participating’ – I realize that One cannot just ‘not participate’ in it and believe it will go away, but see that if it is Here and coming up within me as an energetic experience – no matter how slight it may be – it is still indicating a point that I have to look at.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately diminish the actual inner experience that I termed as just ‘undefined/ bothering/ nagging’ experience as this ‘something’ that would eventually go a way and within this diminishment, creating further separation to see myself As that experience, because of the fear of looking at myself As such thoughts, experiences and assessments, without realizing how it is time to start digging into the ‘hidden corridors and dark places’ as I was suggested to do years ago in order to no longer be bound to a barrier that I’ve created toward what I see within myself and what I see ‘toward others’ as separate from me. Thus it is to realize that everything that I have held as a limitation toward Life in Equality as Evil, as the reverse of life - which includes morals, beliefs, ideas, preferences, judgments, backchat toward ‘others’ and reality as a whole – is what I have to take back to self, in order to stop projecting a point of separation through an assessment in my mind instead of taking responsibility for myself As it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an identity of ‘righteousness’ within my mind assessments wherein within allowing such experiences, backchat and ‘views’ upon reality became a way to also ‘slip in’ points of personality and the self religion that are the threads that are still binding me to that single aspect of myself that is not yet standing as an equal and one part that I have walked through a process of self forgiveness and self corrective application – thus in essence, still keeping some ‘Evil’ as the reverse of life for the benefit of who I am as the mind, leaving it ‘untouched’ as if it had to be ‘there’ for the benefit of my own self-believed righteousness that cannot obviously make sense other than keeping me bound to a limited existence as the mind only and not being willing to stand in the face of the ‘opposite’ as myself as well.

When and as I see myself becoming righteous about what I am thinking and experiencing and believing that I can just ‘let it be’ for the moment and only later on end up forgetting it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that the specificity with which I have to become aware of myself is now requiring me to not just ‘leave things for later/ aside’ whenever the least energetic experience is Here as an indication that there is a point to work with, which will be mostly regarding something that is still an aspect I have not dared to look within myself, because of having lived a life of constantly projecting/ assessing/ analyzing others without seeing how it all was in fact about myself.

I realize the nagging experience has been going through quick processes of assessing the moment as people, places, events, situation wherein I quickly ‘make up my mind’ about who I am within such experiences/ moments and within that, not allowing me to see that everything that I have in fact assessed is only revealing me to myself, as it cannot be ‘how things are’ when getting an experience out of it – thus it is to not look at it as separate from me, as this is the grave mistake that I’ve made and lived as the evil wherein I had washed my hands from ‘assessing’ reality, while neglecting the fact that I have to work with the point myself in order to then be aware of ‘who I am’ as such point, walk the correction and as such, be able to support myself and others equally not from the vantage point of simply judging, but identifying who am I within this assessment, what is my experience, walk the correction so that I can stand clear and self directive instead of reacting to my own suppressed patterns and projecting it onto others/ reality.

I realize that the most effective way to walk this process is always taking the points back to self in order to see if there is any experience coming up and within this, being willing to face Within Me that which I thought, believed or consider ‘does not exist in me,’ which is a defense mechanism of the mind in order to remain in a righteous position about myself in reality, which can only exist as ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in this prefabricated/ default position of being ‘good/ right’ and always having the ‘right assessment’ over myself and reality wherein anything/ anyone that may contradict so would be assessed as them speaking of their own weakness, without realizing that such weakness and assessment to ‘win over’ the situation is in fact the aspects that stand as the evil that do not allow ourselves to get to an equal agreement of how to proceed/ work as equals in order to coexist within principles that are best for all, instead of creating further conflict and hidden judgment and accumulation of experiences Toward other beings, simply because of not allowing ourselves to let go of the righteousness that is indicating the ego of the mind of ‘always being right’ as opposed to walking in humbleness which means being willing to face ourselves as the actual evil-assessment/ backchat/ thoughts toward an event, person/ situation to in fact see what it is that we are still playing out as a character that always wants to win/ be right / get the most out of a situation, which is always the aspect that leads to an unequal result.

When and as I see myself being righteous about a position without taking the necessary moment to bring the point back to myself, place myself in the shoes of the person/ situation, realize who I am within it and how I can direct it to an equal and one outcome that will always result in what’s best for all.

 

I commit myself to realize that whenever I am making an assessment of my reality is an actual mirror of myself and what I am existing as, and as such, if this assessment contains an energetic experience/ possession about something or someone, it is indicating that I am not yet standing clear as one and equal to the point, but that I require to first look at myself as such assessment, walk the necessary self forgiveness in order to realize that the experience is not about the being/ situation/ event in itself, but it’s actually myself and an indication that I require to take responsibility for my reaction/ experience before allowing myself to make a decision on how to direct myself. Within this is to ensure that I take the necessary moment/ time for this, instead of wanting to immediately come up with a solution that is also part of the ego-rushing desire to do things right away/ immediately which leads to further time loops is there is not an ability yet to see directly in an equal and one consideration of the situation/ people/ event.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in a constant denial of these ‘assessments’ made toward other beings being in fact only about myself and within this, believing that I had nothing to ‘do about it’ because it was apparently ‘not me’ – however, it is actually an indication of the self-righteousness that exist toward our identification with our thoughts/ experiences having a ‘right to exist’ instead of realizing that as long as I am taking a position that is only benefitting my own deliberate neglect to who I am as my mind, I am in fact not standing equal and one to my reality/ environment and require to take the point back to self, to ensure that I am actually seeing Myself first, correcting me first instead of immediately projecting it onto others to not do the process of self-correction myself, which is rather foolish when looking at it as is.

When and as I see myself denying seeing myself within every single thought and experience that I have projected onto others – I stop and I breathe – I realize that who I have become is nothing else but the accumulation of these thoughts and experiences that I have projected onto others in means of defending myself as my own mind from realizing that I am in fact all of which I think about ‘others’/ an external point and reality. Thus

I commit myself to see how as long as there are points that I am not immediately taking back to self to walk the process of self correction, the nagging experience will continue as it is the accumulation of me having brushed aside/ left for later/ deliberately neglected moments where the actual key to realizing who I am as the person/ environment/ situation exists as myself – this is within the understanding that as long as I hold a right/ wrong and good/bad position toward another, I am still reflecting the limited version of myself that is not yet fully standing equal and one as everything and everyone, no matter how ‘harsh’ or how ‘bad’ or how ‘evil’ it may seem, as it is precisely the harsh, evil, bad, negative, pessimistic aspect that I have projected and dissociated from myself in my mind so as to not have to take responsibility for it – thus I commit myself to take responsibility for every single thought, belief, idea of myself as being ‘right’ and ‘the good person’ at all times with the ‘right judgment’ which leads to a ego position that is not willing to look at ‘the bad/ negative/ pessimistic’ that I must ensure I walk as myself in order to not allow such judgments to stand in the way of becoming a point that is able to stand one and equal to all parts of reality without separation – and this is what it is to be facing the ‘Evil’ as ourselves, as I finally understand that as long as we keep the least idea, belief or perception of something/ someone being a single definition that stands in separation of ourselves as equals, I am part of the separation that maintains this entire world system as is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the righteousness that I’ve held has been in fact the evil aspect that has refrained me from standing one and equal as everything/ all here, because as long as I hold a value, judgment, belief and thought projected onto others believing that it is not about myself, the righteousness is preventing my own self-understanding/ seeing as one and equal – which indicates the reverse of Live as Evil that must be scrutinized as our own mind which actually allows me to see every moment what is it that I am separating myself from, as these are all indicated through the thoughts, experiences and reactions I hold toward others/ reality which is myself.

When and as I see myself believing that I am not responsible for the thoughts that I have because of them being an ‘assessment’ upon others/ reality, I stop and I breathe  I realize that self responsibility for everything we do, say, speak must be absolute so that I can in fact stand as an equal and one part of myself – because as long as a single value, judgment, belief, thought, experience is created upon reality, it indicates that personality/  ego is still being the directive force and not self as the unconditional stance of the physicality that I  am.

I commit myself to take the necessary breaths and moment to ensure that whatever I voice/ think and do is standing as an expression of myself that I can stand as for eternity – and that my single belief of this being ‘too far fetched’ to say ‘eternity’ is actually a point of ego that I must also walk through in order to stand as the full authority that I’ve abdicated as part of the evil/ reverse of living that I have believed myself to be wherein I have been limiting my own Write-ousness to right myself as that which I am willing to be/ stand as life/what is here as myself, without the ‘nagging’ limitation of me being only ‘in a process’ and placing the point of self realization as some ‘future outcome’ instead of seeing it as myself, here, as  I breathe, one and equal. 

Now, this is  a general Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Application with regards to who I have been as a particular character that would stand as righteous within the ‘good/ positive’ aspect, taking a vantage position within that in order to not have to face every single judgment I made upon others as myself. Thus, the next step and process is to the denial of the evil within my reality and how I would only ‘cope with it’ existing in actual fear to realize that exists as myself as well, also who I am toward the relationships that I formed as a point of attraction due to the separation that I was existing as toward my own ‘evil side’ myself, and as such creating an energetic relationship to it through people/ things/ habits/ places, etc.  in order for me to not have to face it as myself, but always remain on the ‘safe side’ of the observer that is mostly an egotistical position toward our reality, as we cannot claim we are not part of something that is already here as ourselves.

Thus, I’ll continue deconstructing the righteousness/ goodness personality in relation to the ‘evil’ projected onto others/ the world instead of seeing it directly first as myself and walking the self correction within it to finally stand as one and equal to all parts and all aspects of myself.

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